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Failure to Thrive
Lack of Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 727902" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>With his history, although you want to believe all is well, I would not trust him for at least one to two years of his living a responsible life. That is how long it took us to trust our daughter after she quit drugs. It takes time to change. And effort.</p><p></p><p>Words are cheap. They are noise. Actions matter, not words. Actions over periods of time. Many of our kids are good con artists with great abilities to twist our conversations to their advantage and confuse us until we are dizzy. But we can't let them obscure logic.</p><p></p><p>Maybe think about this.Why did you give your son a car in your name? Is he responsible? A careful sober driver? If he is not sober giving your son a car is ignoring all the safe drivers on the road whom he could kill. Why would you risk this tragedy? He won't pay and may be a liability on the road. Of course I don't know his story and did not read the whole thread. Maybe he is sober. I still don't know why you gave him a car in your name. It is risky.</p><p></p><p>So I guess for me the short answer is that you need to be VERY leery and be driven by his actions, not nice sounding words.</p><p></p><p>I hope you come to peace with who your son is at this time. Right now you can't trust him. Maybe he will get into treatment and change. In the current moment this is not who he is. It is good he is working right now. That is a good sign. How old is your son? The longer he had been at this, the harder it will be for him to change. But you, precious kind-hearted mom, also need to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You are better off, as is son, if you stay out of his life and don't interfer with adult choices he must make. Nor rescue him from bad decisions. He needs to face consequences. You will not be here to rescue him forever.</p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 727902, member: 1550"] With his history, although you want to believe all is well, I would not trust him for at least one to two years of his living a responsible life. That is how long it took us to trust our daughter after she quit drugs. It takes time to change. And effort. Words are cheap. They are noise. Actions matter, not words. Actions over periods of time. Many of our kids are good con artists with great abilities to twist our conversations to their advantage and confuse us until we are dizzy. But we can't let them obscure logic. Maybe think about this.Why did you give your son a car in your name? Is he responsible? A careful sober driver? If he is not sober giving your son a car is ignoring all the safe drivers on the road whom he could kill. Why would you risk this tragedy? He won't pay and may be a liability on the road. Of course I don't know his story and did not read the whole thread. Maybe he is sober. I still don't know why you gave him a car in your name. It is risky. So I guess for me the short answer is that you need to be VERY leery and be driven by his actions, not nice sounding words. I hope you come to peace with who your son is at this time. Right now you can't trust him. Maybe he will get into treatment and change. In the current moment this is not who he is. It is good he is working right now. That is a good sign. How old is your son? The longer he had been at this, the harder it will be for him to change. But you, precious kind-hearted mom, also need to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You are better off, as is son, if you stay out of his life and don't interfer with adult choices he must make. Nor rescue him from bad decisions. He needs to face consequences. You will not be here to rescue him forever. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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