Last Night The Devil Showed In My Dream,This Morning Heck Broke Lose


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Last night the Devil appeared in my dream as a good looking normal man but with black eyes with a strong "hold"( mentally) over me. I realized who he was and I couldnt wake up. Everywhere I tried to hide, he found me. There was no way out from him. Im suppose to be Catholic but not a practicing one although my son does go to Catholic Private school( I know I need to make up my mind and attend services if I stay)

Daughter has refused to get up again for school and has not spoken to me in several days. Yes I been pushing her to go and today now she has missed the limit, she will be kicked out of school for already missing the amount allowed.Now I have to go sign paperwork to withdraw her. She is of course happy about this but Im not. Again, I CANT DO MATH OR ENGLISH AS SHES DYSLEXIC AND I DONT understand the math. Tutors to the home is not on option as I mentioned before. Her only option now is for her dad or the state to take her I guess. I dont want this :(

She keeps telling/yelling at me how much she hates me and to leave her alone and theres nothing wrong with her. She wants me to take it back that I said something is wrong with her,( at first I just said she/we are different, we are all different at different learning and thinking levels) but she still refused to listen. She said its all my fault Im saying something that isnt true. Showers are only if I threatin to take away electronics, as is school ( most time for school it works not today), she stays in her room,sneaks food in there( I dont allow food in the bedrooms)

When she told me she hated me I replied" good" Im so tired of hearing shutup I hate you from her, go to he$$ and die from son, the more I take them to doctors the more they hate me. If the doctors all agree Im a lousy no good mom well its all me I guess as I stated from day one. So the dream is a sign of some sort? My daughter please somebody help me with her what do I do what can i do to help her, I know when they are 18 they will have nothing to do with me all because I tried getting help. what was I suppose to do, let them hurt themselves, others, not go to any sort of school run wild everywhere? let them party all the time ?


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You can't predict the future, hon.

If you don't want to hear my tedious response, then skip to next

1/Find Grandpa assisted living so you have time for your kids.
2/ Take them for more evaluations until you hit that one good evaluator. It takes time. I still like neuropsychs, but sounds like you had a lemon. A good one tests 6-10 hours.
3/Be happy yourself to show your kids that you have a life. If you work and make friends you will not explode back at them so often. That is detrimental to any child's upbringing, let alone those with issues.
4/YOU are the parent. Don't anyone else take your role or that confuses already confused children.
5/Try to find a place to live where you and your kids live alone in some sort of peace. You can always visit others you feel responsible visiting.
6/Go for help. This to me is mandatory for you. You have SO LITTLE regard for your own self that you let EVERYONE tell you what do do, even if it not only against your interests, but against those of your children. You still have a few years to focus on your kids, but they will not be that receptive to you if you don't respect yourself and, most of all, demand respect. Tell your family they can not tell your children what to do...they are your kids. Take back your power or your kids will see you as weak. When my kids saw me this way, they treated me like a dusty doormat. It really changed in that regard only after *I* did. GET THERAPY. GOOD THERAPY...learn to love yourself. Or nobody else will. That's how it works, as unfair as that is.
7/Get interests of your own or you will have no relief from the stress. Nobody makes good decisions under stress.
8/Have your family members be responsible for their own medical appts. There are people who will take them, free buses for the elderly and disabled, and if there is any money, a cab ride is a big relief for you as opposed to driving with difficult child relatives, sitting and waiting at multiple appointments, and driving them home. Where are your kids while this goes on? With you? Do you really think they like this? They see the abuse toward you. It fuels their own.
9/Read self-help books. Start with "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie. Don't say there is no time. MAKE TIME FOR YOU.
10/Read this again and try to not push away how much the rest of your family impacts how your kids are doing. They may still have issues, even if they are your main focus, but you can do much more for them if you don't have to split your time with other older family members. And you may be surprised that they improve. Also, when you do things THAT YOU love to do, you will be far more resilient and able to handle them better. If you yell back at them, this is not good. But it is a symptom of too much stress. People yell and get more easily angered when in a highly aroused or a high strung state of mind. This can also cause physical illnesses.

Well, told you you wouldn't like it if you read it. But you have GOT to start putting yourself AND your kids first, second and third or you are probably and your kids will continue to live in chaos. The kids may not like living in chaos and leave.

They also may NOT leave, but take over from the other relatives and continue abusing you.

You should probably work first and foremost on putting up boundaires and making a quieter, more fun and relaxing life for YOU. It is very hard to make rational decisions when you are in a state of high arousal. Nobody human can care for two difficult child children, who have BIG problems, one difficult child Grandpa who has BIG issues, a very sick father, and a mentally ill sister. Even a professional health care worker would demand more help. You can't help them. They will not get better...they need professional help. ALL OF THEM.

Learned from thirty years of therapy. Oh, I know you won't do it, but I care about you and hope you do think about it. What you are doing is not working. Things are getting worse. Your only option for change is for YOU to change. Doing the same thing over and over again just reaps the same results. It's like driving a car around the block 100 times. You get only to the same place and the scenery and destination is always the same.

I hope you can break your old habits and start to care about you or I fear nothing will get better.

Hugs from your friend. I care about you, scarily possibly more than YOU care about you. That's just WRONG! :brokenheart:
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Well, I called the school to let them know and she put we will be withdrawing her :( I cant physically force my daughter into the car to wait for me while I do it, so I cant go up there yet. I told the secretary what am I suppose to do drag her in? I didnt want to agree to the withdraw, every time she said so I will put withdraw on the paperwork I cringed, cried, told her well, wait but stuck with it in the end. My daughters screaming in the background "theres nothing wrong with her Im a bad mom to think so and not believe her daughter" :( Ill be getting a call soon from her teachers and Principal soon.

I read your post Im not mad, just really hurt and sad about my kids.


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Why does your daugher hate going to school? Is she being bullied or verbally abused there? I'm asking because I refused to go to school and I created a huge fuss and made myself ill - because I loathed school and was incredibly unhappy there.

You call your children 'Prince' and 'Princess' in your signature. Is that their names or how they have been brought up to think of themselves? It can't be healthy for children to have this high opinion of themselves and sense of entitlement, although it often happens. One of my friends calls her son "darling" and it makes me cringe - he's spoilt and unpleasant and she doesn't seem to see that she's making him that way.

MWM has written a lot of sensible advice. The main thing is to start caring about you as she says. I don't know the background, but could the children's father support you more with their behaviour, or give you a break so that you can do something for yourself?


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She says she just doesnt want to go when she entered 9th at a new school It was a fight daily then she said she couldn't concentrate ...( graduated prek-8th with all same friends same private school) 9th was too much I guess on her all day, P.E she hates it no familiar kids, having to socialize maybe? She flat out said ..screamed nothing is wrong her Im a lier the Dr is lier etc.. She is in a school ..well was.( It was 2 1/2 hrs a day.) for kids with her issues but they still have a limit of days able to miss. .. She exceeded them. Theres only like 5 kids in each of her classes so they are all next to the teacher the whole time, no bullying.

No I dont call them that, its just for here so I dont give away their real names is all. Their kids dad is an alcoholic with violence and arrest record for the violence and DWI. He believes in the belt, bars, bringing kids to bars and some of his friends scare me about the age of the girls they proof tho. Also their dad blames it all on me because my mom was Schizophrenic. Hes supposedly changed but drops in as he feels like it, its been over a year.. usually once a year, oddly it was once a month about 5 years ago for 5 months, ..Daughter hates him slams door in his face when he last came refuses to have anything to do with him. So much more but Im not getting into that. I dont talk bad about their dad either. I even say how smart he is at school, complement how good he was at one of his jobs, say give daddy a chance we all are different etc. But nope, they esp should I say she, just wont cave.

***so Im updating whats going on and Im in shock. I took daughters laptop away and forgot the IPAD, well, when I went in to get it she grabbed it like a little dog holds on to a bone and fought me tooth and nail screaming crying,tried to break my phone as I was recording this, and pushed me out of the way to go get it! I mean she is really having withdrawal from not having them like a drug and its only been 10 or so minutes for the one.
forgive me for asking...

but what on earth are you thinking by withdrawing her and what on earth do you think that will accomplish other than to give into a whiny child??

you need the school more than ever--you need them to either help you figure out how to get her to attend and learn (and ftlog, if she is dyslexic, she needs very specialized teaching-its not a diy kind of thing) OR help you get appropriate services and pay for residential placement as she seemingly cannot be educated in the school system.

i'm sorry, but to give in and withdraw her is absurd. YOU are the parent--not she....and as I've said before, she can hate you, she can scream obscenities at you, she can carry on like her dog was shot-these are just words and you need to tune them out and carry on.

I wouldn't withdraw her from anywhere. if she's truant, let her reap the consequences. if she fails, she can repeat the year. but by doing so you've just shown her exactly who's in control.


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It doesnt matter about me pulling her out, she has exceeded the days allowed to missed so they are kicking her out anyways. I might as well withdraw her. This was the last place to help her, they are specifically for that/those issues. But they have their legal limit as well.


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I think this addiction to i-pads etc is a common story. If her father is an alcoholic maybe she has inherited his addictive personality. But all this is just speculation. What is her behaviour like when she is in school? So she hates PE and says she has no friends. It's tough to be in that situation. What does the school say? - other than she will be withdrawn because she's not attending? What feedback do you get from the school and what are they doing to make school a more positive experience for her? I don't think I agree with the suggestion that you are giving in to a whiney child by not sending her to school. I'm 53 now and still do not forgive my mother for taking no notice of how unhappy I was in school and not doing anything about it. It coloured my life. Are you sure she's not being bullied in some way? Just because she's in small classes and isn't being bullied in class - bullying doesn't happen in class times, it's all the other times when there isn't a teacher to watch. What options are there - for you and her - if she is withdrawn?

Their anger about their father is understandable I suppose. Maybe she has a point about not wanting to have much to do with him. If you reread your description of him - I wouldn't be keen to spend time with him! Him dropping in unannounced and whenever he feels like it might be scary for your kids. It could add to their chaotic feelings and maybe be something that they worry about. I would stop that happening. If he wants to see the children then you need to arrange that properly and you need to be in control of that.

I think maybe you are in the middle of such a lot of stress that you are just trying to survive from day-to-day and aren't thinking about the whole picture or what you can change to make your life more acceptable. You need to get some support for you don't you think? It's easy to lose sight of who we are and what our life is worth when we are just living for other people and tolerating abusive behaviour. It's not easy to stop though. It takes a lot of effort and people to help us - whether that is physical help or even just reading about ways to change. I wish I could give you a hug and make you a pot of tea and tell you to start thinking of yourself and looking after yourself. Do you have friends who are there for you? My friends have always been a lot more useful and sympathetic than my family!


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I feel for you. I really REALLY do.

School is toxic for some of our kids.
If I understand right, you are in a state where there is no allowance for that... which in my opinion is insane, but we can't change it.

I had TWO kids go off the rails in grade 9. One dropped out. The other I pulled out and am home schooling, things are going much more slowly on the school side but huge improvements in attitude etc. BUT... I had a good relationship with that one before I pulled her from school.

Your difficult child sounds like she needs serious professional help. There is more going on than you are aware of, and nobody else is prepared to step up to the plate and recognize this. Here, they have something called "shared custody with foster"... where a foster home or group home takes the kid and has primary physical custody and day-to-day "parenting", but the real parent is involved in all of the decisions etc. (whether the kid wants that or not...)

You need something. Anything. Right now, you are burning out. I can "hear" it in your posts. been there done that. You have to find a way to shed enough of the load that YOU survive and are healthy. It's the only way you will have anything left to give.


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Its the same when she was in school, not talking , her head in a book even if not reading,no facial expression, the kids try to talk to her, she refuses. At home, when she was in between schools and not going at all, she slowly started being more like herself with me. She would give me her half gentle hugs, lean on me, come out a smidge more. Even started interacting with the dogs more. Summers were always a blessing for me no issues with either kids getting ready,esp her. But I flat out told her before I agreed to home schooling most subjects, I cant not handle those two no matter what and she said she understood. Plus if my daughter actually went to this school, they have therapist of all sorts coming in. She also resented that idea. Again, she says Im making lies nothings wrong with her Im a bad mom to say that. Im sure shes not being bullied. No they dont leave them alone, theres always a teacher there even during break.

I actually have a court order with approved times to come because of all of this. But, he still drops by anyways. Its not much so I left it alone just so I dont start anymore drama with him. Long story short on friends, I used to and her oldest is like my son. My other friend doesnt understand and she has helped me handle my son but says theres nothing wrong with my kids I just need to make them understand the rules etc.

I honestly see/believe etc that allowing someone else to raise my kids is not in the cards. I am not trying to say what others had to do wasnt ok, it was fine for them, but just not for me. They are my kids, I wanted them, I had them,they are my responsibility Id do anything I could for them and have been trying to get them help. When the kids hate me, they want to leave or me just to leave them alone, when they are happy with me, they want to be with me. They say if I ever sent them to live anywhere else, that proves I didnt want them and Im abandoning them. The way I take that is that Im a bad parent and I shouldnt have my kids if they ever were forced to go there or with their dad. Even though their dad is like he is, courts will give my kids to him first anyways. He will say he changed and wooossh there they go. ( I hope either way their dad changed for his new family and my kids regardless -but over 20 plus years this man being this way, I don't know.) I mean, if they needed hospital treatment thats different but not foster homes. I already stated I wanted a place just me and my kids no helping anyone else until my kids and I are settled. Plus then, it would be a little hour or two a day instead of anything else. But even if I can get to that point, my daughter. My daughter wants to be at home no matter. I mean lets say shes home schooled completely. Besides her constantly failing math and reading, I cant help her properly with her dyslexia, she needs proper teachers. A tutor? Again, she barricades herself in her room, send the tutor to her room? Nope, still wont work and thats just kind of weird to be in my daughters room! Somehow she eventually passes, or doesnt, 18/20 yrs old comes around. Daughter cant function at any job, social security disability only gives between 400-600 a month total which she cant survive on after I die/ Beyond that, they are planning on doing away with that or at least limiting that. They wont continue giving it for severe anxiety- agoraphobia if that whats its becoming. I do have a friend with agoraphobia and he says he cant handle the crowds without a safe person , as my daughter cant. But again she does like shopping ( off and on as long as not school) and will go a few isles a way from me with no issues even with other people there....


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Im so disappointed, that school was an all in one in a way.. the proper teachers for her issues, the proper teaching skills from the teachers, less kids in the class, therapist coming in, ALL the kids are "special needs of some sorts" and was only 2 1.2 hrs a day. She will never get to the therapist now, I will have to drag her. Thats not right and thats traumatizing! I was dragged to go to school and remember it!! So, I cant skip therapy for her, now what do I do? I dont want to do that :( Even so again, they come to the house , they will have to break down her door and enter.

My dad and I are talking about ifs, how in the world can I teach her with her learning disabilities as well as mine per say about Math/English? Even like Keystone can do it, but we still need a teacher because theres actual work to be done- non computer.


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The school obviously can only handle certain kinds of kids. Not all special needs are the same, and they were not able to reach your daughter. In theory, they should have been able to. One would expect them to. But they did not.

She isn't "bad". She has challenges. Challenges they should have been able to address.

Wish I had a $ for every time an expert dropped the ball or pushed us aside.

She needs a setting that works for her. And it isn't going to be home-schooling, not from the sounds of it.


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Thinking while a type... not a good thing :D

Maybe she's reacting to the toxicity of the rest of your situation? Maybe, for the sake of both kids, you need to move away. Far enough away that you can't be the primary caregiver for grandpa and a raft of others. Far enough away that it's just the three of you.


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My question is this. If you withdraw her from school how do you intend to teach her? Are you going to a completely online program? If so how do you plan to make sure she stays up to date on the assignments? You say you can't afford a tutor and that she has a disability that will make your teaching her very difficult. If you do not get her the education she needs and then you can be held liable for her lack of completion.

Here is my opinion. You can do one of two things. 1. Go to the courts and get an unruly child contract (has different names in different places). 2. You need to call CPS and get yourself some help.

You need someone on your side to support you. If you can't make her go to school then you need assistance. If your son needs assistance then you need help to get him the help he needs. It doesn't matter which way you go but you need to go outside your home and get some help.

Then do everything MWM said.

You are a virtual punching bag for your family. You are so worried about them not having what they need that you don't take care of yourself. You allow them to abuse you and you get no relief. You are going to crash and burn if you don't make changes. Then what good will you be.


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Ya, I type all the time when Im upset, sad, happy and hyper, none of which Im really thinking. So I dont make sense, my grammar is off to. But your doing good Insane! Im gonna tell you all a secret, I been browsing for jobs out of town, hinting to family , they think Im kidding. Problems is, need money to move if I got hired somewhere else. I cant leave here tonight and care for gpa, I just need to keep on eye on daughter to, I don't know whats going through her head. My dad who is ill himself will have to care for gpa tonight.

I can afford the tutor, its the tutor she wont deal with, we had them before and she is non compliant! Theres another home school here, full time paid of course and go in for group study. Um that wont work cuz one, most of those kids might not have same issues has daughter, also, just to get her to go will be a circle back to where we came from. See to me, CPS again, is just saying Im a bad parent. Maybe thats not what you meant but I know thats what they are there for. Whats strange is when my son is calm, he admits he needs further testing maybe change medications again and hes ok with that( of course when he gets mad hes not) Daughter gets so defensive/sensitive so hurt feelings that we even suggest such a thing to get her help, even rule out she needs help!


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Here, they have something called "shared custody with foster"... where a foster home or group home takes the kid and has primary physical custody and day-to-day "parenting", but the real parent is involved in all of the decisions etc. (whether the kid wants that or not...)
You need something. Anything. Right now, you are burning out. I can "hear" it in your posts. been there done that. You have to find a way to shed enough of the load that YOU survive and are healthy. It's the only way you will have anything left to give.
This doesn't happen in the U.S. and I did foster parent and adopted out of foster care. They say the parent has control, but they take all control. It is dangerous. I do not suggest this in this country. Nor do I feel this is a good solution. If you don't know her story, she is caring full time for three of her disturbed, sick older relatives on top of her kids and they are all difficult children. Nobody can do that and also adequately care for two children with issues. That's why I suggested she take care of herself and get outside help to deal with the older adults in her life. Poor thing will burn out like a candle at this rate and her kids will not do any benefit as they are splitting their time with a VERY demanding and sickly grandfather and a sick father and disabled sister and I think a grandmother and aunt may be in there too. NOBODY CAN DO ALL THAT! A nurse would quit.

I sadly do not think this situation will get better, although I could be wrong. Until we learn to take care of our own needs, our children suffer as does anyone who depends on us. Do you really thilnk GPA is getting the good care a nurse can give him? Dad? Sis? They need medical professioanls, all of them. You aren't one.

We can't be any good if we spread ourselves so thin, like jelly on bread, that we don't exist anymore. We are only who we are tending to now.

The daughter AND son need intensive one-one care by Mom and not all these outside oldsters who are sick taking over their lives (and yours). There are supports for them. I am 61 so I'm not speaking as a young person, but I would never allow my kids to watch after me if I were this sick. It's selfish of the family to throw this all at her and if God forbid anything happens to anything, although they are old, sick and not getting professional care, she will get the blame.

Please, Confused, consider a change or else...if nothing wll not see your children changing. It is getting late for your daughter and your son is already diagnosed with Condust Disorder. That takes a ton of therapy and help to undo. If CD isn't taken care of it can turn into adult antisocial behavior disorder. But does Grandpa, auntie, or kissin' cousin care about him?

I don't think so.

Please, please...learn to love yourself before your kids get any older, for their sake. Ok. That is my last plea. If you refuse to make your situation better, just like our difficult children, nobody can force you to help yourself.
Take care ;)
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I totally agree that you should get a better diagnosis for your kids, especially your daughter, since she is in crisis at the moment.
And good for you for fighting her over the iphone! I hope you won.
If she still has it, just call the service she uses from your phone and disconnect it. If you have a contract, they will let you suspend it for two months. Do not give it back to her until she brushes her teeth, washes her hair and showers, and writes you a note of apology. Do not yell. Tell her in a calm voice. I sometimes pretend I'm a robot and it's hard not to keep a smile off my face because I have to exaggerate. And sometimes when my son is raging, I pretend it's a TV that I can't turn off. It helps me to detach.

You know how I got around the kind of thinking you have? I thought, my son hates me anyway, so I may as well do the right thing. And I took away his electronics each time he did something wrong.
He threw a fit. Lots of them, in fact. We still have holes in the walls. He's 18 and we have still not re-installed his bedroom door.

You have two angry kids. And you are a mess--sad, clueless and needing support. I am glad that you can vent to us.

I would suggest that you talk to the counselor at school and tell him or her that your daughter needs to be there because she has special needs. Google special needs lawyers and advocates and find one to help you.
Please do not attempt to homeschool. If you're not versed in the subjects, and you are not a strong leader, it won't work.

What do you do for yourself besides type? Do you like to read? Go for walks?

I agree with-MWM that you need to get Grandpa his own home. You can apply for Medicaid for him if he doesn't have enough money. I have done it for my cousin. It's a lot of paperwork and you have to keep calling (just what you need, eh?) but in the end, it's worth it. At a certain age, it's like having a newborn. You've got to clean up bodily fluids and change the sheets and listen to the complaints and it's all on your shoulders.

I see that your son is on clonidine. Can you get your daughter a scrip as well? It would help her to calm down. Bribe her if you have to. :) I used Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for my son, even though he's lactose intolerant. (Bad mom? Ask me if I care. :) )


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P.S. I don't have to be a therapist to interpret your dream. Your kids are angry and you can't get away from them. You are responsible for Grandpa and you can't get away from him. Obligation follows you like an evil spirit. It's not a fun obligation, like caring for a newborn.
YOU and ONLY YOU are in charge of your life. Take charge.
Start with something simple, like a bath, with the door locked. I'm serious. The simplest things can make a difference.


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******Update********* she keeps saying she didnt have a problem with school until I said she has a problem.Umm, she refused school, so that is a problem.. Then she adds shes embarrassed of me because I don't have a job and not driving at the moment. Ok the job part I agree, but not driving? Really? So many kids have parents who cant/wont drive and they are fine with them. Then theres parents who cant afford a car. Or the parents who want to be green and not use a car but yet their kids are fine.I bet they will add me being fat to the list as they did before. Ok, yes thats embarrassing for me too but a lot is stress and motivation..lack off motivation on my weight. So she says all these years thats why! Really? She wont take any blame at all..she says I dont listen -then when I tell her im listening she blames it all on me.. she has had issues since she was little but she keeps adding why its only my fault and Im not her mom. Well fine, maybe shes right.. maybe everything is my fault. I told her go with her dad then, pack and she will have her dad and new mom there as will her brother and they both with be perfect and go to school no issues, no violence. She says she refuses to eat until I give her her electronics back. My Aunt says she just doesn't want to go to school and wants to be in control and she is.

No Midwest, no grandmas, sister is a mix of both my kids on most aunt cares for herself but has a lot of say in about everything. Now, she says again today shes looking out for me and loves me ..but then Im not gonna bring up all the other drama that happened with her. I follow her AND grandpas rules which some are mixed so Im torn in order to stay in this home. I don't know if I should just give up on everyone...

Terry,ya thats why I cant handle those two subjects... the rest I think I can. But she has no care to and the school shes in/was said" taking her out of school is the worst thing for her because she will never want to come back or work. She has to learn to function even the tiniest bit around people/kids. At least enough to take a breath and step into an area around them even if she doesnt speak, its a great deal to have her just there. Even better to be able to have more and more socializing." They arent just for the tuition, they even said take her anywhere else its ok, just keep her in even if its a couple hrs a day!!!I used to read no time or concentration everytime I try I see letters no words. Bathes? Omg if I had a hot tub Id NEVER leave it! I used to like going to movies, kids golf even tho cant play, just fun. I used to like going out to eat, used to like vacations, used to like museums etc. I also like online classes, but no job no classes. Used to like volunteering too.