Last Night's Drama...

[DaisyFace]

Well....ya'll are gonna LOVE this...

husband called me from work. Since I did not "step up" last night, and left him to handle all the stress of difficult child - he has decided to bow out for a little while and leave all of the difficult child stuff to me.

Yep. You read that correctly.

THEN he proceeded to tell me what has to be done when difficult child arrives home from school:

HE will not be there - so I will have to confront difficult child and take her lies apart bit by bit. THEN I am supposed to tell her that husband and I will NOT stand for this kind of behavior any more...and since she threatens to leave in her note - I am supposed to tell her to "go right ahead".

I will not bother typing out our argument about this.

I also have no intention of creating more drama right now.

 

[AnnieO]

DF,

I know you and husband love one another to bits...

But difficult child is coming between you two.

Forget taking her lies apart. You and I know that is an exercise in futility. Just look at her and say... "I'm supposed to tell you we aren't going to stand for this behavior anymore"... (which tells her WHO said it, Know what I mean??) and if she leaves? Let her go... And you and DS go get ice cream.

husband can call the cops when he gets home.

 

[keista]

I'm so sorry, but you see how easily men take a step back. It's your turn.

 

[DaisyFace]

DF,

I know you and husband love one another to bits...

But difficult child is coming between you two.

Yes, I am actually fantasizing about leaving...


When I called the state person yesterday, I called to BEG her for respite services. I told her everything that was going on. I told her how hard it was on the whole family. I asked her to please PLEASE find a way that difficult child could have a safe place to go so that we could all take a break from one another and cool off for a bit.

But the supervisor is not returning my phone calls...

And so this "cage match" continues here at home.

I DO like your idea, though. "I'm supposed to tell you...."

It might *actually* be a conversation starter...because we often laugh about what tdocs and psychiatrists tell us that we are *supposed* to do.

 

[DaisyFace]

I'm so sorry, but you see how easily men take a step back. It's your turn.

Oh yes - men ALWAYS find a way out...

GRRRRRR!!!!

 

[Nikki88]

I totally understand how you feel with husband. Mine works nights- from 5pm til 4am. So it's all me, all the time. Even when it comes to appointment's, because they are always during the day, and he is sleeping.
I know it's hard!!!

 

[Bunny]

Oh, Daisy, I am so sorry that your husband said that to you. And you should never apologize for your feelings. You are angry and hurt and resentful. I totally understand those feelings. Sometimes they just overtake you and they can be so strong.

Did she comes home from school? What did she say to you?

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm with-Step and TM.
Obviously, you've still got her room and bed there, so you plan to have her back.
And yes, she is triangulating you. Doing a darn good job of it, too.
Wish I could offer more ideas ...

 

[gcvmom]

I think I'd be ignoring my husband (and admittedly, I sometimes do) if he felt compelled to dictate to me like that. If he can't stomach the situation then he needs to just stay out of it and stop making things worse. For many, many years I'd let go of my personal fantasy of a husband who was involved, informed, and helpful. Lately mine is a bit more involved, tries to keep informed, and is occasionally helpful, and that's after 24 years and finally looking like HE'S on the right medications! Whatever. Most of the heavy lifting is already done, in my opinion.

I thought about the whole permission slip forging thing... would a phone call or email or not mailed to the teacher/school stipulating that she does NOT have permission to go on the field trip cover any possible forgery she might attempt?

The emotional manipulation needs to be ignored (from both husband and difficult child) or maybe not reacted to is the better term. I like what you said about matching the energy/emotional state. It's a good way to keep things calm. You don't risk escalation as much.

Your husband is really mucking things up lately. (((Hugs)))