Last nights explosion~

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dstc_99, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    For several years I have struggled with my weight and recently had weight loss surgery. easy child was sent to a nutritionist because she has issues with weight. We attended her nutrition appointment yesterday and given some basics to help with the situation. They are really no different than my guidelines and so I agreed with the nutritionist that we could attempt to make the following changes:
    easy child will ensure we have veggies of her choice prepped at each meal
    We will remove junk food from the house
    We will make a menu
    Now let me give you some background. I DO NOT buy junk food for the house! difficult child and the hubby buy it when they shop. We have veggies at all meals I cook. We have had a menu in previous years but I have recently gotten away from it due to a new plan I had with difficult child.
    Also difficult child has been doing the grocery shopping and cooking as part of the plan mentioned above. This is because she complains about my ability to shop, cook, clean, well lets just say I never do anything to her standards. So I decided to let her see how difficult it was to work all day and do housework all night. Granted my plan failed because she loves being in control of the food and getting what she wants. But hey give me some credit at least I had a plan. LOL
    Now back to the nutrition plan: I tried to talk to the difficult child about it last night and let her know how much her sister and I needed her support to help us maintain a healthy weight. I explained that we would work a chip day into the menu and a desert day into the menu (the idea is not to never have them just limit them appropriately.) difficult child basically proceeded to call us fat lazy asses who need to exercise more. She feels that she is being punished because we are fat. When I brought up the menu she was ******! She did not like the idea of not being able to dictate what was cooked.
    I was so frustrated and easy child was just miserable. I mean hell her big sister (who is a size 2) just called her a lazy piece of **** and made her feel two inches tall. We have bent over backwards to support difficult child including putting up with her evil moods. Yet when we ask for simple support with not having chips, soda, and ice cream in the house we are total :censored2:es who are completely unreasonable. ARGH!!!!!
    Will she ever grow up and realize that it is important to support the people around you even when it means you have to bend a little bit?
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hope it helped to type it out. Frankly the chances are great that she will never see things your way. on the other hand if she is getting off on being in charge and doing the work...I'd figure out a way to eat less of her preps and supplement with easy child on the sly.
    Hugs DDD
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is a totally stupid question. I really have nothing to go on except a "gut feel" from a handful of posts, but...
    Any chance your difficult child is Aspie?

    The rigid thinking.
    The need to be in control.
    Difficulty with transitions (such as, changing the approach to meal planning)

    It could be other things as well...
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    The head-banging and other self-harm when angry/frustrated in the other thread had me wondering the same thing. Kiddo does the head-banging thing a lot when she's angry and started doing it at school recently. Teachers worried about it and emailed it. Welcome to my world, Teach, autisics do that.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I just responded on your other thread...but I wanted to comment here, too.

    I think you initially had a good plan - but clearly, you have inadvertantly given difficult child waaayyy too much control over your household. Unless difficult child is buying the groceries with her own money (and should then, rightfully, be making the decisions about how that money is spent), then she she needs to go to the store with a list from YOU. If she cannot handle following the list? Then she no longer goes to the store. Period.

    If she brings junk food into the house that you did not OK? It disappears.

    Take your house and your life back! difficult child is not the boss of you. You and easy child need to do what is right for YOU.

    Many (((hugs)))
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree, you can't give difficult child/easy child that much control.
    And that if someone brings junk food into the house, it disappears. I hate to throw away food, but I hate to see people eat it, even more. You'll get used to it. So will they.
    YOU are the mom. You're in charge. Period.
    Giving her minor choices is one thing. Giving her control is completely different.

    My difficult child yelled and screamed for a yr when we transitioned to gluten-free and milk-free. Then I realized that he was eating anything and everything in the house--incl the "healthy" stuff, because he's a teen, and teens tend to eat anything. So I waited, and eventually, the yelling stopped. It took awhile. It also took awhile for me not to yell back. I had to just listen to him rant, then shrug my shoulders and walk away.

    Just stick to your guns.
  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Thansk guys. You are right giving her control over the food wasn't a great idea I thought she would learn how hard it was but apparantly not. As for other diagnosis's I dont know she has never been diagnosed but then again she has generally refused counseling until now.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You don't get dxes from counselling.
    You get it from a comprehensive evaluation... and while it's a huge hassle, the results from a good comprehensive evaluation are worth it.
  9. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately I don't see her submitting to a comprehensive evaluation we did do that when she was originally diagnosis'd. Maybe if the therapist suggests it?

    Right now I just have to figure out how to tell her the therapist called and wants her, the easy child, and me in the room at her next appointment! This should go over great.