Late night ramblings of a mom who cant sleep


My husband and I went out to dinner tonight. When we came home the attic light was on. My 1st thought? What is difficult child hiding up there? I guess I'm going to have to go up there tomorrow and tear it apart. Why couldn't I just think "wow, someone forgot to turn the light off". I am truly so suspicious of everything. If difficult child is going somewhere that I think should take 10 min but takes him 15, I just know he stopped somewhere to buy/sell/do drugs. I see all of the good in him, but I cant truly be happy with him or proud of him because I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He just turned 17 and I just cant imagine continuing to live like this. I probably wont have to with the drug test fiasco. Since June 3, he has either not taken, not passed, or had suspicious results on 6 UAs, all for drinking. And that thought makes me even more depressed. Not because he will be ruining his life even further, but because since he came home from rehab I have been just waiting for the next blow and seems to be this is going to be it. I just dont and cant understand how it is difficult to pee in a cup once a week and not have drama associated with it. Anyway, it is 4AM and I have been up for a few hours teying to wrap my head around all of this and decided to put my ramblings where someone might relate to them :-/

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one day at a time
thank you, first of all, warm hugs for you and your hurting mommy heart. I'm so sorry that your son is choosing to continue on this path.

Sadly, thank you, as you know he has a disease that is characterized by relapse. And he's 17. A difficult combination.

I'm so glad he went to rehab---take comfort in knowing he heard things there that will come back around to help him. But he hasn't hit his bottom yet, and there is nothing you can do about it.

He is choosing to continue on the path. He did not choose to have the disease.

He will stay on the path until it becomes so uncomfortable and so unpleasant that HE decides to do the hard, hard work. But not yet.

My son hid drugs in his dad's attic when he lived there.

thank you some good books for you: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, When the Servant Becomes the Master (great book written by a recovering MD in 2012---very good), Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers---I just finished this one and she is very specific about how to live with this, how to be encouraging but not enabling, etc.

thank you, start going to Al-Anon. You will find specific ways to help yourself there, plus a great support group of people who get it.

This will be a long road, thank you. Whatever he does, it's a long road. So, you have to fortify yourself for the journey, learn now to live ANYWAY, regardless of what he does. You have another child to be healthy for as well.

It is what it is, thank you. Life on life's terms. He is choosing to keep on drinking. Okay, he will have to face those consequences. I know you are worried about him, his health, his future, what may happen to him out drinking, in jail, in the legal system.

All legitimate worries. But thank you, you can't do a single thing about this. Let him deal with the natural consequences of his decisions. That is the fastest way and the best way for him to get sick and tired of his life.

Warm hugs, keep posting. We get it here and we will support you, no matter what. I am praying for you all.