Late or Absent ...Again......tantrum as we speak :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Sep 13, 2013.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    What a morning...again. But instead of being able to carry him and finish dressing him in the car- he's slamming doors screaming bloody murder cuz my daughter and dad left for school. It seems as if no matter what time he gets up ( even if he had a bath night before) he quits getting ready and starts playing with his toys saying he needs to find stuff. Now, I thought he just didnt want to go to school ( u all asked before does he want to go to school, he like it there-anything wrong but as I was trying to tune out his screaming ( what can I do about that?) I was thinking. He is the same way getting ready for the store! He HAS to do what he wants when he wants how he wants. So now his days of tardies and absences are rising!

    I know u all mentioned at a public school he might me able to get a special program where he has permission to be late/absent something. My son- once we do that- he will "take an inch and go a mile" when hes only offered the inch. He thinks he can get away with everything and in a sense I see where I have messed up and gave in and yes, thats my fault not his.

    Hes so defiant - last night we had rain wind- it was cold after school, he didnt care he was suppose to change outa his school uniform/shoes! He took off his coat threw his sisters scooter under the car, threw his around screaming bloody murder neighbors came out and stared uggh. I can deal with getting inform dirty but soaked shoes ruin- have to buy more. Jacket- he needs- the whole block and his sis, us were wearing it! Maybe Im too strict? When should he play outside by himself? I am there or his sis/ older kids. He always threatens to take off and go wherever as well as a few times started just to leave ( twice he was mad)?

    Oh my neighbor went to that Dr thats doing the evaluation and she said he is qualified and great- plus if he needs to he will send him other places :) Makes me feel better
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Clearly he can not make transitions. When he is playing, he can not stop and leave what he is doing to go to school or the store or probably anywhere. Is he like this if he is having fun at a park and you want him to go home too? Just ruminating here...trying to brainstorm...
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    MidwestMom, The park for example, we will tell them ahead of time how long we can be there and start have" warning times" by saying, you have 15 minutes, and then he says " tell me when I have 5 more" we do, and for the most part hes ok and leaves. ( my grandfather started this w my daughter when she was little, shes been fine now) My friends daughters party was at a pool on the other side of town and my dad was getting ill but we stayed longer than we were going to. He got a upset but nothing major. As long as I give the minute thing, he is usually ok. The stores, uggh. Its his behavior ( wild, running with cart, demanding things or if I dont he threatens to break the freezer doors, etc) but when we are done shopping he automatically knows its time to check out and loves putting the stuff on the belt, hes fine.

    He gets so distracted tho. Is that the ADD Or can it be Autism as you all said possibility? Im having the Dr check him/send him for that too,just to make sure- rule everything out. Your right, you know, maybe I am missing something here? I really need that nanycam thing! I found a clock for $170- the video is hidden, just looks like a clock! He will never know! I am going to have to get it. Am I denying his Autism/Asbergers? Im going to look that back right now. Thanks!

    Plus on the way to school this am- yes he went in- he was telling us "Dont talk- shut up-zip it- or I wont get ready" He's bossing us around-ODD?
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Confused... to me, your son sounds like straight up ADHD. This is how it manifests, much of the time. This kind of behaviour in the context of ADHD is what I have read about time and again, in either direct anectodal evidence or more scientific literature.
    I'd be so fascinated to meet your son... in some ways he sounds much like J. Leaving places he wants to be (any place where he is enjoying the activity or playing with other kids) is THE big meltdown area with him. Like yours, he usually accepts time warnings though usually they have to be renegotiated several times before he will accept to leave.
    Of course the distraction is the ADD/ADHD. That is it. All the time. Concentration is not maintained but constantly flits to the next thing that comes onto the horizon. As I have read it being described, ADHD kids are always drawn to the brightest light... it's very true. The brightest light is usually other kids, televisions, screens of any kind, etc.
    How is your son otherwise? Can you give us a description of his personality, how he interacts with others?
  5. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Id love for you to meet him as well! Yes, sounds the same so far as your son! Well, on his "good days or hours depending" He has a smile that melts even the older women and has gotten several compliments on how he's going to be a ladies man, they love being around him and he will answer them sometimes he a lil shy -others he just talks like me! A lot. He can be very helpful to the Teachers and family, neighbors.friends kids as well as when my daughter and I volunteer - he helps put up chairs, tables cages etc. He has gotten a little bossy/loud and said" I SAID I WILL/CAN DO IT DONT TOUCH" while putting the tables up. The kids at Minisports and McDonald, Peter Piper etx no problems reminders of leaving hard but he does. When in a good mood he loves to sit by us, hugs, jokes, helps us cook takes care of his pets/ours. At school he had a disagreement with two kids and only verbally argued back with one. He always says the kids blame him and go to him for everything but I asked the teachers and they say "no" they only go to him for group or when free time.My son is the one getting distracted looking around playing with pencils, markers ( colored his fingernails and cheeks while he was suppose to be doing work) Stand in front of the bathroom mirror for a long time just fidgets in his seat. Almost always wont take any blame for himself. Its always somebody elses fault even if he did, when I can prove without a doubt he still tries to say it wasnt him!

    One on one attention with teacher with NO kids in the room he says he kinda gets it but still distracted. Speech he was distracted so they would stand many times, she brought a "reward" game for him to get through the sessions. Also he always does" lets make a deal" with the teachers/ and speech therapist. Hes done with speech this year tho. Prek/K he did ok, at school but issues at home still. Complementing work in K was sometimes an issue etc ( youd have to see my other posts infact you have replied to my old posts :) So my daughter is quit/shy I don't know if social anxiety now I been questioning that. So anyways, my son is willing to talk to people and kids always but if the kids are over all the time like my neighbors daughter he has now gotten rough during play and has gotten mad at her once. He is bossy and almost always wants to be first player or first to eat etc. My friends kid he can be bossy and rough but she is too actually. My other friends 3 year old son hes fine with but has thrown tantrums not caring/ or understanding it was scaring him when the boy was younger. He has broken two windows, three doors, his sister stuff, his, peeled the wood of the door, broke two curtain rods, cut the curtains with scissors, bitten us, threatens us, broken dishes, kicks doors, holes in walls and writes on the walls etc. Cub scouts the one meeting so far he played just fine. But Im just scared when he gets mad he might blow up.

    He can get angry at the slightest things, he can be like a light switch but harder to turn the tantrum off of course. He acts like this with family who lives here, doesnt live here, his dad that he rarely sees ( not too the extreme violence tho, just the deffience) at stores. Basically, once hes comfortable with the person, he shows more and more of himself around them. Surprising this year the first day of school he wasnt shy at all! He always wants to play with kids or us, does play on his own but rarely and ends up doing at least two things at once ( tv and toys or video game) or stops and does something else. Or hes doing something escp work and thats it, hes off to something else. Last night when he woke up, we studied for about 10-20 minutes ( didnt track time)with flashcards Im surprised he lasted that long to be honest! He was really trying cuz he had a test today. He really is smart or at least average when he can sit and do the work. Handwriting is extremely bad tho. His diffience is beyond the normal level. Oh he has been sniffing bowels saying everything is dirty or stained or smells funny for over a month- longer maybe. But when hes so busy he "forgets to ask or check" sometimes the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issie I think is him just trying to get to us because he does it more it seems. He does play in dirt and mud! So, ask me anything else :) Or ill write back if I think of it- my mind is just jumbled these days
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    oops my spelling no complementing but completing and not bowels, bowls! Etc sorry for the rest uggh, I gotta quit typing so fast!
  7. Confused

    Confused Guest

    While cleaning the bathroom - yes cleaning ( I always think while Im in there :/ ) I think I posted here in another thread that while in a regular restaurant like Denny's , Applebee's etc, he cant still still at the table, hes gotta go to the bathroom once or twice, goes under the table a few times saying he keeps "dropping the crayons/paper" looking at the people behind us while literally on his knees or sitting sideways like back against the wall" ,even eating like a dog! Waitress asked if we needed a "doggybag":embarrassed:.And thats even before any caffeine! He's very active and even when he's really really sick he may doze a little more but still up and about ( bronchitis/ stomach flu and even fever)
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think it is an error to try to diagnose our kids by ourselves just by what we read, however. We do not have the education or training to diagnose. I would disregard the ODD completely a school principal/teacher will consider that meaning he is "bad" because of "poor parenting" and he and you don't need that. Plus ODD seems to be used when the professionals really are not high level ones (therapists and social workers as opposed to psychiatrists and neuropsychs...the latter with the more education). It is a very unhelpful label other than to have others pointing fingers at you and this differently wired child is not your fault. To get the proper help in school though you do need to have the right label and know what is going on.

    I would test your daughter for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). That is often, especially in girls, mistaken as a social phobia. And if it's not, at least you covered all your bases. A child who grows into an adult with some disorder, and has never had the proper treatment, can be less able to function that he would have been with the proper supports. My motto is "Better to be safe than sorry." And I believe it with all my heart. My proof to me is my children.

    We used to say my son "hung from the rafters." He was sooooooooooooo hyperactive and his first diagnosis was ADHD, but it was wrong and stimulants made him mean and aggressive, which he wasn't. We never went to restaurants. He never knew what he wanted to eat (he was very picky and literally could not eat, say, broccoli without puking, restaurant and all) and he would end up sliding under the table and being disruptive so it wasn't a fun family

    Keep us updated :)
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Two teachers already know the ODD issue but, I know with a correct Diagnose, even if thats what or something he has, hopefully they will leave it off now. I didnt think off that! I don't know, your right about self diagnose because we are not qualified. I just go nuts trying to find out whats wrong with him, but the Dr agreed with me on it. ( A part of me was secretly praying he would just say my kid is spoiled in a way because I really want my son to be ok and not have these extra struggles - but I know deep down something is wrong) Hmm I don't know, theres sooo many other issues that can replicate ADHD and other issues. Thats why I want a Thyroid and Sleep order test! I don't know, we couldnt drive down today but Monday we fill it all out and make an appointment and pray its soon!

    So if I was to get my daughter tested, she would also get a neuro evaluation?

    Wow, yes thats active! Oh poor thing about the broccoli! I will keep you all updated for sure!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think some of us are going to see a bit of our child in because Im gonna say he sounds just like my difficult child! Well I had two that were so hyperactive I could never take my eyes off of them when they were little.

    Cory had to have really bad surgery when he was 4 and a half years old. They had to do a surgery that basically sewed his shoulder back into place. He had tendons cut out of two places and they opened him up from under his arm all the way straight down his spine...he has about a foot long scar on his back. The doctor's first thought before meeting him for a long period that they could just wrap him up with an ace bandage to keep his arm still. They thought that the pain would make him not move. Uhhh, I told them no, they had to cast him. They finally agreed with me after we were in the clinic for pre-op testing the weekend before he had surgery. I didnt give him his ritalin and he was climbing walls. He couldnt be contained. Now he wasnt being mean or throwing tantrums but he was He ended up being in a half cast from his stomach to his shoulder for two months.

    When I applied for disability for him he got it on the first try and I really think it had a lot to do with the fact that I took him with me to the appointment and he managed to unplug the main line to the computer system!

    He did throw tantrums and as he got older the behavior got worse and we think he had something that now is known as TDD. He was dxd with ADHD and ODD then bipolar and later when he was an adult and had his last psychiatric evaluation done they said they dont believe he has bipolar but that the behavior in childhood and teen was this TDD and his adhd. He still has severe adhd. Both my younger two boys have severe adhd.

    However adhd isnt all bad. My middle son didnt have the behavior issues that my youngest did and he graduated HS and went into the Marines. Now he is a cop...go figure. I have one cop and one I have been told that happens a lot in families.