Hi Possum - I was not here yet when you posted this originally - but I just read the whole thread. I have a 19 yo difficult child who is on the same path as your difficult child. He too was a varsity athlete in HS who seemed to fall apart his first year away at school. I think you (and the subsequent posters) make a very valid point about the structure creating the opportunity to be goal driven.
I just want to say - go ahead and cry. I do every day. It's not a sign of weakness or anything else. I'd cry too. You sound like a great mom, and I know how frustrating it is to end up "here" after thinking you had successfully gotten your child to launch. Life was supposed to get easier when they graduated HS - not harder and messier. {{{huggs}}}
Our stories are so parallel that it scares me a bit. My long story short, my difficult child finished his first year away at college with a 2.2 (saved by a W in lieu of an F) came home stoned his first night home, spent the entire summer amotivated, snide, partying with his friends culminating in renting an off campus apartment (without our knowledge , he likely intended to pretend to live in the parental paid dorms)Like you, I even did the Big Lots trip to outfit the new apartment - complete with snacks! A few days before he was to leave, I spied an internet purchase of a large quantity of rolling papers, a grinder, scale, etc. We asked him to stay home, regroup , go to school locally etc - stating we couldn't support a return to school knowing what he was smoking weed. And he left. Went back to school and intends to support himself and pay his tuition and living expenses g-d knows how. I know the phonecall in the middle of the night will come, just don't know when and only hope it's his voice on the other end.
