Latest from the land of Oz - Son was arrested

[BKS]

Our son has been in outpatient rehab for about 6 weeks and we know his attendance has been dwindling. I talked to his case worker from my office this afternoon and she told me that he was "stuck" in that he had only old (drug using) friends to spend time with but he refused to go to AA or NA meetings where he might find like minded young adults his age.

This evening my husband and I drove home from work and pulled up to three police cars in front of our house. Our son had been drinking and taking Xanax and was weaving wildly. A concerned neighbor (we don't know who) called the police because she had seen him driving like this before. Our son (and two of his friends) were all found with open alcohol containers (14%) plus prescription drugs in small baggies (i.e. no bottles that would identify anyone of them as the legal users.)

We don't know what to do. We have reached a point where we have tried everything we know (even throwing him out for several months.)

We just wished he had something that interested him, but maybe this is a sign of the times.... I don't know.

- BKS

I am adding this question. What have others experienced when letting their son/daughter spend time in jail?

 

[Wakegirl]

My goodness! I have so been in your shoes with my 20 year old difficult child. He was arrested for driving under the influence, but it was the influence of marijuana. Unfortunately, one of his fraternity buddies bailed him it, but it was I that went to court with him and paid all of the fees (Several thousands of dollars when it was all said and done). They suspended his drivers license for a year, and he had to check in with the court on a monthly basis, and pay a monthly fine of 35.00. Anyway, that didn't teach him a lesson. At all. He's invincible when it comes to the law, so he thinks. He was arrested soon after that for driving a buddies car on a suspended DL. That time, he was in jail for about 24 hrs. Still didn't phase him. He was pulled over and slapped on the wrist for drinking and driving, and having drug paraphernalia in his truck. He's been arrested for rolling a joint in a gas station parking lot. Still didn't change him. I had him arrested this past October because he had been smoking spice and turned into a demon inside my home. This time, I left him in for 3 days. Looking back, I wish I would've left him in longer, as he smoked spice just 3 days after getting him out and entering an outpatient rehab center. If I had to do over again, I would've left him in for much longer. But the constant phone calls and hearing him cry, beg, and plead finally got to me. Needless to say, I had to kick him out almost a month ago. And he won't be back until he is ready to commit to inpatient residential rehab.

Honestly, if it were my child, I would leave him in until the judge let him out on his own recognizance, or he agreed to go an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Something has to wake these kids up. I'd rather jail time hopefully do the trick, instead of him hurting, possibly killing himself or somebody else by driving under the influence.

Good luck! My heart goes out to you!!!

 

[Wakegirl]

Also wanted to add that my son has also been attending outpatient rehab, and his attendance has greatly declined, even though it is required by his prosecutor. He also claims that he only has his old friends (that use drugs and drink) to hang out with. It may be a sign of the times, but I won't tolerate it. He was raised with wonderful morals. But the drugs have axed them all. I have been told by many of his therapists that he really needs to remove himself out of his current environment. I've found a nice Residential Treatment Center (RTC) out of town, and he knows that I'm willing to support him as soon as he says he's ready. But until then, I'm done enabling him by giving him a cushy place to eat, sleep, and be a bum. As someone said on here, nothing changes if nothing changes. I highly suggest not letting him come back home, once he gets out, unless he is ready for intense treatment. I've tried kicking my difficult child out for several months at a time, only to have him go back to his old ways. This time, it's for good...until HE is ready for help.

 

[buddy]

Just popping in to give a hug. I can't begin to know how this feels to a mother's heart. I know there are several parents here who understand though. I care about you all and I pray your difficult child begins recovery.

 

[BKS]

Thanks for your replies and kind support. I am posting an update on another message thread where I asked others for their experience with letting their young adult children go to jail. Basically, my son spent the night in jail and it must have scared him to pieces. Time will tell.

Best,
BKS