Latest IEP meeting and update...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Dec 14, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    First, I woke at 3a.m. this morning and couldn't remember going to the IEP meeting yesterday and thought about what I did and realized I just missed the whole thing....then as I woke more I remembered it was on Wed. and I of course went, heart was so racing!

    So, this meeting went better than the one after the first month in the new school. They report they have implemented several of the changes we suggested. The days are much more routine now and I think bottom line, what I said would likely happen...he is more comfortable in the new site. It is not all so new. But what did I know??? duh.

    The advocate was more civil but still pretty angry. They were again out of compliance in that they did not ever respond to the independent fba request and in fact they felt they didn't need it but I said again, that while I hear now you are saying you are committed to working things out at this site, it was made very clear that if there was a behavior that the principal felt was crossing a line then that could all change and he could overnight have to leave. I wanted to avoid that and to still have a specific fba to the behaviors that they felt would be a risk for that. Lets document what works now, what they are concerned about etc.

    When asked if there has been more property damage the teacher said well no more....X, Y, Z...what the heck, you trying to rehash things? Just say no if it is no. That was frustrating. I finally interrupted and said by the data you have given me (yes I kept it on a calendar) he has had 2 incidences of minor X and 6 of verbal Y. Is that correct (see if he said no then that meant he was lying to me all this time.)

    So the good news is he is still doing well at his afternoon "job" which he gets paid for. He now got a "promotion" and he is very proud. He is working in the cafeteria after everyone is gone, cleaning the trays up, sweeping, doing tables etc. He got a raise and is very proud.

    There was a fight in the lunch room a week ago and everyone said he handled it beautifully and did not act it out himself as he usually does later. Even the principal addressed him personally and said he did a great job (and Q told me that! he usually doesn't tell me anything they say to him, I think he felt really good about himself, but also was nervous about the fight. They do need to realize that he acts tough when he is actually scared---one teacher said it is like he puffs up like a porcupine).

    They still have not worked out the out of school work experience piece and Quin is settled into the reality that what they promised will not happen. He knows there is a chance for other opportunities and is holding onto that.

    He is getting all his school work done and his periodic IEP review said he made progress on each one of his goals! His speech therapist loves him and said she is hitting all fronts. He likes to do everything with her. It has been three years since he has connected with a speech therapist like that and I have to say I really liked her too. She is working beyond the traditional social skills stuff and working on memory and strategies for approaching work, etc. More brain injury rehab stuff. (and I had to fight for that, they said they wanted to switch to consult speech because they work on language so much...sorry, there are things she is trained to look for and do that they are simply not trained to do. I feel the same for Occupational Therapist (OT) and have yet to get that thru but the Occupational Therapist (OT) has set up a whole bunch of new stuff for him and it is working...they even created a whole exercise area in their class so less transitions.

    They have a system of looking out in the halls before transitioning with him and then make excuses if they can't leave yet and he has gotten right into the routine. They said they didn't realize how routine bound he was...again, what did I know??? uggg. but they got it now.

    we have had zero issues with his transitioning to me since the first day. (there was one day he didn't expect me and I was outside of the car the very first week, and that was not good but he calmed quickly and there has been nothing since. I always have JJ with me now and so there has been nothing but joy or at least no upset.

    (OH GOSH am I setting myself up for the board curse with that one! everyone erase that from your minds....lets collectively knock wood!)

    So, I hold my breath. Do I trust that they now are really going to keep him?? NOPE. We agreed that their in house behavior person will start an fba and our district made it clear that at any time if we want the other person there there will be no argument.

    And the reason I am not so worried about that piece even though the advocate is very upset, is because Q will have this project going on with the university and dhs....and that gives us ongoing positive behavior analysis and it sounds like the school is willing to join in. I hope they will (they say they need permission from the super. but why in heck would they turn down that kind of inter departmental cooperation for the sake of a child. ???

    Our home psychiatric put it so well to all of them and also helped them see that what they are doing is great but not the end of it, because we were in this place at our old school and one issue turned it all around. We were trying to be proactive and not have that happen again. They got his point. Man, he is good.

    Anyway, so here we are in our new home, thanks to Ktllc and her husband as well as many of you being so supportive and the school issues are doable for now, and the doggie is doing well, and even at home, we have had a few issues but mostly not as intense. I did go off on him after an especially bad day in a store, and interestingly he has been better since I told him exactly how i felt at that time. He knows I was dead serious and though he still is himself, he seems to follow my redirection better. I am excited for them to help me with my own inconsistencies and ideas .....I hope that I am good enough to embrace their ideas.

    We are dealing with holiday stress as usual. He is worried about Santa but it is nothing like last year and we will have a nice Christmas. I think back on last year and again this year, I want to thank those of you who have been so incredibly supportive and helped hold my hand through some really tricky things. The generosity of people on this board, from words to deeds, is unbelievable. How I got so lucky to meet you all???? Thanks never seems like enough.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    It's a two-way street, and you give SO MUCH around this board that I'm not at all surprised at what comes your way...

    JJ is, of course, part of the picture... and we underestimate the therapeutic effect of a loving dog.

    Here's hoping that 2013 continues the trend...
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    After reading your post, all I want to say is: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Don't be afraid to enjoy the good times but still be ready for the bad should it come your way.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Merry Christmas my friend and thanks back at ya!! We were both in a VERY different place last year and I know this family, and especially you, got me through it all. We too are in a better place but reading your post made me cry for you and Q. You both deserve it so much after all you've been through.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you both.....well, if Q will let you. This board auntie and his "cousins" are so very proud of him. You've done a SPECTACULAR job. Big pat on your back from me....and an extra hug too.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thank you. Feeling especially grateful tonight while thinking of the parents in CT. Now a report is out that among whatever else was going on he may have been on the spectrum. I hope it's an opportunity to learn not a time of people over reacting to lables. I of course wonder what that mother went through. So glad for the services we have and he will continue to have even though there are battles along the way.
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Your school always make me confused. I'm immature enough to keep my own naughty or nice list and that school and Q's teacher are really difficult to place. They cause you undue stress and anxiety and anyone who does so to my friends ends up deep into the naughty list without further questions and should get only coal and bundles of switches for Christmas. Then again they are good for Q, so they do figure also to nice list. Hmm... so confusing :dont_know:
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2012
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Very insightful actually Suz. I feel the same way. I think it will never be the same for me where I felt I really had a team where we worked together and I could trust most of the people. It feels like I now have to always make choices between the lesser of evils and hold my breath that they will keep themselves in check. I think the one who is least educated and has made some innocent mistakes has been the most open to change and his heart is in the right place. Thats the aide assigned to q. They've developed a special high five hand shake that q asks me to do ends in a hand hold of sorts and I think it comforts him. I think his teacher is simply over his head and if he doesn't give up could learn alot and be really good. But I truly feel he twists stories and struggles with communication. I've never had to pull information out of a teacher so
    He is still resisting my having a normal teacher conference where I get to go see quins actual work. I've not seen one single piece of school work. He is there for school afterall. I'm told he is doing great creative art work. Is expanding his writing in a journal, is starting geometry types of math and is really getting it, loves politics and history in social studies classes. I've not seen one single thing. So I have always asked for teacher conferences separate from iep meetings which discuss specific iep goals and behaviors usually. I ask we not discuss any of that, but just "normal" parent style things. With all of his issues the purpose of attending school gets lost in the shuffle. If he's doing so well why not meet? He told me it has to be an iep meeting for a teacher to meet with a parent. I've worked in sp
    ed since 1987, so know very well that is not true. Its not even some unique policy at their school. The opposite is true, one can't make iep decisions without a team meeting, but teachers can talk to parents of kids in Special Education. just as they can any child.

    It is unsettling .... a rollercoaster. I'm praying my faith will be restored and these people will do as they said they'd do when we decided to place Q there. I have not lost hope and as frustrated as Q makes me at times, I'm proud of him for trying and improving. He is doing better than he has done in years.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Call his bluff. Call an IEP meeting (in writing) for the specific purpose of seeing some of Q's work since that is the only way the teacher says you can "meet" with him to do so. Make sure the admin and C know that you want to see work samples the teacher is denying you without a full IEP meeting.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    But I'm sick of seeing all those people, I just want to go to his class and see where he does his work, see the exercise equipment etc.

    Oh, they did add blinds to the meeting room that was used for the IEP. I think I told you all......the walls in the school are mostly windows (really smart for a bunch of kids with various attention issues, ugg) and they have a large white board wall across from the window. They wrote all over the board as we talked about Q and when the day ended everyone could see all that private information. Q asked about some of the things, even he could read what was on there. I was NOT happy and this time they had blinds installed and pulled down.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew! What a lot of work!
    You did a great job, as did the advocate and psychiatric.
    I am so happy that things are moving along.
    So sorry you woke up in a panic, though. been there done that. You have a lot on your mind.
    Wish I could offer advice, but this is a field where I am just learning the ropes myself.
    Many hugs.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad things are going better. That teacher would drive me up a wall though. I would probably show up one day in the hallway to ask to see what Q did that day. I know with Q that would cause lots of problems, so of course you cannot. Given the teacher has said that you must have an IEP mtg to see his work, but the teacher didn't bring work to the IEP meeting, you need to call another iep meeting. In your request, sent to EVERYONE involved, and I would include the school district superintendent, say that this meeting is for you to see Q's academic progress as you are told that he is making progress but the teacher has told you that you cannot see any work and that he cannot meet with you outside of the iep meetings.

    I am SURE that the principal, sp ed services director, and school superintendent are going to LOVE this as much as your dvocate will! I bet they get that teacher clued in that he HAS to show you Q's work and that he is supposed to do this regularly as the entire point of school is education. Even if none of them tells YOU that they did this, they will most likely tell the teacher this. The higher ups in schools always seem to HATE being dragged into unnecessary meetings, or at least the ones I have known do. Esp over things that so clearly are not in need of their attention.

    You are an amazng mom. I wouldn't have the patience with these people that you do. I hate the attitude that mom is just a worrier and doesn't have a clue so she shouldn't worry her little head over stuff because the school knows how to handle everything. in my opinion that s a LOT of the problem wtih them ignoring the things you told them that now they are tellng you.

    They had best be glad they had blinds up, because having that stuff on the whiteboard for everyone to see? Would have me chewing new orifices for them. You are far more aptient with these people than I ever could be. I hope they are thankful and appreciative of you patience!
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :choir:It was time for the choir to come out of hiding and sing a rousing way to go!!!!!!