Well we have offered certain help to our son but not other.... basically we have offered to help him with rent but we will not buy him a car. We really don't want to buy him anything since in the past he has sold nice things he has had (specifically a really nice bike) for drugs. He is depressed and struggling. I got to a place where I feel I am offering help but it is up to him to move forward and take a step... I cannot do it for him and it would not help him if I did. I have to say Alanon has been a huge help to me in getting to this place. So yesterday I recieved a call from the mother at the place his staying. The place he is staying is a mess.... drug use goes on there, it is just a mess. I have kept a relationship going with the parents there for the sake of my son but we are really on different planets. Anyway she called me and said my son really needs to move out of there, if possible today!! She said he is drinking some but not doing any drugs. I am not sure what she expected of me....maybe to come and pick him up and bring him home???I told her he could not come home for the sake of my daughter. That would not be good for him anyways. I said we told him we were willing to help out with rent, but not a car. I told her I would text him but really I had no idea what else I could do!!! By the end of the conversation she was all about how she cares about him and does not want to put him on the street. So then I had a reasonable text convo with my son. He is now pushing for us to buy him another scooter... he left the other one in the state he was in rehab in.....in that conversation he said he was more clean up here than he had been down there because he can't get spice here so all he does here is drink some... and the parents where he is at buy him the alcohol. Hello??? So his argument is when he is on his own he won't have anyone to buy it for him. Well we all know that is a crock... if he wants it he wil find a way to get it. I was proud of myself because I told him his sobriety is between him, his higher power and probation!! I realized I am not going to try and police his sobriety.... first of all I am in no position to do that, if he wants to use he will and will get around any checks I have on him so it is all rather pointless. Second it is really up to him, his sobriety is for his benefit not mine. Of course given that he is drinking I certainly don't think of him as currently being sober. But I just am not going there anymore.I told him we would help with rent but transportation is up to him. I did offer to give him my old bicycle (35 years old) with new tires etc. I guess if it is too far gone we would be willing to get him a very cheap bike. I also told him about another apartment complex which is 8 miles from his job... I think in his mind that is too far to bike!!! The conversation stopped when i said his dad rides more than that often and he is 56. LOL. So I am kind of waiting for his next step. We want to help but we don't want to enable and it sure is a fine line. He is wearing out his welcome where he is at, and those people are enablers to the extreme. Of course they are also addicts and it makes sense that addicts will enable other addicts. geesh.