Latest update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's been a while since I updated difficult child's progress. difficult child has now been in the sober house since March 29. She has been on restriction for the past three weeks so we have not been able to see or talk to her except through mail. The first two weeks were due to not cleaning the shower well enough and for putting her feet up on the chair during group. Funny because I have been telling her for years that is rude and she should keep her feet on the floor but she never listened to me. I know this sounds petty but the sober house is very strict on following rules because they realize following rules is a difficult thing for these women.

    Just as she was getting off her first restriction she got put on another for riding a bike to an AA meeting with another resident. Because she was on restriction she was not suppose to be riding a bike and was either to walk or get a ride from a female member who has had at least one year sobriety. So our Sunday visit to the zoo for her birthday was canceled and we didn't get to see or even talk to her on her birthday. She was disappointed but took it well and in her letter she admitted it was her fault.

    Her letters have been very encouraging. She is taking responsibility for her problems and for all the actions that put her where she is. She told us she loves us and regrets never having a close relationship with us and is going to spend her entire life trying to change that. She said when she comes home Sunday for her visit she is deleting all her old friends from her facebook and phone and is committed to being around sober people. Honestly her letters sound very sincere and it is obvious she is doing a lot of self reflection.

    On another note, the neighbor she was staying with before she went to the sober home, has been ringing our doorbell and banging on the door in the middle of the night, sometimes twice a night. He sent her a fb message I intercepted telling her she promised to stay in contact with him and he is the only one who tried to help her and now she is ignoring him (obviously he doesn't know she isn't here). We finally called the police the other night after he rang our bell twice and they went to his house and told him they would arrest him if he ever stepped on our property again. It helped that one of the officers who responded knows us from previous calls about difficult child and also knows this druggie neighbor and was more than happy to help. He asked how difficult child was doing and was very pleased to hear she is where she is at.

    So for now things are going well. Our home is finally peaceful and every day we are all getting one step further from the chaos and hopefully one step closer to a new life.
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2011
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Nancy - I am SO glad to see this... And to hear she's been at the sober house for over two months is wonderful... I have been thinking about you.
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds very encouraging, especially that she is ready to delete all of her old contacts. Hopefully when she eventually leaves the soberhouse she will continue to follow this path that she seems very determined to continue on. I know what a relief this is for you and your family!! You must be very proud of her :) Continue to enjoy the peace and quiet!
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nancy I'm soooooo glad she is still doing well, even after a few bumps in the road. (which should be expected) And I"m also thrilled you've found some peace at last.

    I'm praying hard she can be totally successful in her sobriety.

  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thank you for the update, Nancy. I was thinking about you when I was riding my bike this morning and wondering how things were going for your daughter. It is HUGE that she's stuck it out this long and that she hung in there after restriction. On the other hand, your crazy druggie neighbor sounds like real trouble. I'm sorry you had to deal with him, but hopefully he will be long gone before she gets out and will leave your family alone.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is great news, Nancy. I hope she continues to do well! I know you're happy to have the peace and quiet.
  7. natalieoh

    natalieoh Guest

    Oh Nancy you so deserve this good news from her. I believe she means what she is saying. She has been humbled. I just hope she keeps accessing these feelings overtime, that they sustain themselves. Buddy, you so need to feel hopeful about her. I pray it continues for the rest of her life!
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Okay so HOW did you finally catch Mr. 2 rings of the doorbell? Cause I would have rung his skinny little neck.

    I am still praying for our girl. Angels, angels, angels! Whatever it takes - She's actually helping me.....I keep praying, my food gets colder - I eat less - I loose weight. It's a win/win. lol.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad she's doing better, Nancy.
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Nancy - My heart is just brimming to read this. I think it's phenomenal that she's still there, working the program, and most importantly is dealing with consequences for violating the strict (but necessary, in my humble opinion) rules. I think that speaks volumes. The old difficult child would've bolted. I think it will forever be one day at a time, but I'm so delighted (and relieved) that she has so many "one days" under her belt. I think of her so often - you too! ;)

    Glad you got the ridiculous doorbell ringer. Sheesh.... what a marvelous coping skill *he* has. Glad that your relationship with- the police came in handy.

    I hope you have been able to unwind a bit and are enjoying the peace. Many hugs to you.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am thrilled to see such a positive update. I am with Star, that neighbor is lucky that you didn't shoot him. In my state it is perfectly acceptable to shoot someone in your yard if you feel they are a threat to you - and that is certainly threatening behavior. I am NOT joking about it. People have been killed around here for less than that, and not the second or third time they did it. OK is like that iwth guns.

    The things you say about the sober house being so strict are very encouraging. Accepting those rules and the consequences for breaking them is a HUGE step. It really is beginning to sound like your daughter is truly committed to sobriety this time. The things you say about her self reflection and what she has been writing reminds me of the things gfgbro said when he was in rehab and the first year afterward.

    I am glad that you are enjoying the conflama free house. You really deserve a happy, conflama free life.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I am so happy to read this! You know I think about her every time Keyana has a birthday. I have to say a silent prayer up for her big sis too. I guess its working. Have you ever told her she has a little girl you know born on the same day? Maybe it would tickle her if you gave her a picture and it would give her something to want to stay sober she could one day meet her? I dont know...just thinking...or maybe you dont tell her about us at all...I dont know.
  13. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy - I am so so glad to hear this. I think it is a huge step that she is accepting the restrictions and learning to obey the rules.... that is a huge step. So good for her.... and I am glad you are having some peace and also glad you called the police on your crazy neighbor.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Terrific update, Nancy. It sounds like she has gotten the idea of consequences from her placement. It sounds like a terrific place and best of all she appears to be absorbing the program. Hugs. DDD
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    So happy for you all!!!!
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish I could have caught this druggie neighbor redhanded. I did set up my camera in the garage after I called the police but he hasn't been back. I suspect he is trying to figure out his next move. He and his family have been a thorn in our side ever since they moved here.

    Janet I do think about your Keyana every time I see your signature and her birthdate.

    I'm glad they are making her adhere to the rules and paying the consequences. It is a good lesson for her to learn.

  17. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Wanna borrow a 140 lb American Bulldog and his Mother? lol......I've got a spanky new taser!
  18. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Good to see her still there and working hard, accepting discipline, and wanting a different future for herself. I've been following along and very happy for you and her with every positive step. Sounds like a very good program too. Hopefully the warning from the police will keep the lid on neighbor boy and he won't be bothering you again.
  19. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great update! Pray she is learning. Really learning this time!
  20. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Really glad to hear the good news, Nancy. Prayers for all of you, and I hope that neighbor has enough sense left to leave you alone.