Latest update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Did-I, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. Did-I

    Did-I Worn out warrior

    Hi all,

    It's been a long time. ('cept my pop in to the long lost people thread a few months or so back - did a search for that one but it must have dropped off).

    I think the last time I posted here about difficult child was almost three years ago when he was first arrested. I do know I never offered any specific details of his arrest. Let's just say the last three years have been horrific as far as his arrest, the reasons behind it, the dealing with the issues at hand and my emotional and often physical health. The various hearings, the continuances, etc.

    The basics - he's been in county jail since his arrest, but his crime being a Federal one, he's considered in Federal custody. The case never went to trial, he settled for a plea agreement. He was sentenced on 5/27 to 25 years with 20 years strict parole after his release.

    There were also State charges pending, but we were under the impression that the state had decided that since he'd get the most time out of the Federal charges, I guess they'd save time and money and consider the time he's been in "time served" for the state "punishment". Turns out that's not the case at all and the State is pursuing prosecuting him on other charges related to the Fed crimes. I had heard he was offered a plea from them and he turned it down (this is one of the reasons it took to get to the end of the Fed charges - he tried everything and anything to first, wiggle out of the charges all together, and then try whatever he could to get the least amount of time sentenced (min 15 years / max 30 - he got the 25, but God knows the prosecution pushed for the 30!!) they offered him 25 on the state side to run concurrent with- the federal time. He turned it down??? Hello?!?!?!? Instead he took his lawyer's advice and is letting it go to trial - which could add more time on top of the 25 instead of doing 25 all together for both the fed and state. I'm still trying to figure out who is the more stupid one in this decision.

    SOOO where I thought I had a "closure" of sorts back on 5/27, I've got to deal with- the anxiety of pending hearings, continuances, etc. all over again. sad / scary part is this is all being handled local. My husband is a manager in a company in the same town - people see the stories in the paper and he spends the day wondering whether they've connected his last name to the monster in the newspaper :( He has some kind of hearing in August and supposedly a trial date sometime in September -- we'll see if they stick to those. Um, no, I doubt it. LOL

    So that's where it's at for now.

    Hope all are as well as can be expected! :)

    I'll be gone from this earth before he's released. I feel as though there has been a death in the family. My head still reels almost a month later over what's happened and my wondering how I'm supposed to react and feel about all of it. I was told that day by someone very close to me not even to bother trying to figure it out right now. I can tell you that I can still count on two hands how many times I've been to visit him in the three years - and he's only 20 minutes down in the next town.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Dee...Great to see you but its so ...well...sad too. I think for many of us this is one of recurring nightmares. I know its something that I never take for granted will not happen to Cory. I hope not but I wouldnt bet the farm.

    I hope your son gets his cases resolved soon and appropriately and you can destress abit. I know this is just killing you. Maybe after time you will get the visiting figured out if thats what you want to do or not.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, Dee, I'm so sorry.

    The only thing I can think of to say to the lawyer and difficult child turning down the plea that there doesn't seem to be any logic to sentences that are handed down these days. Maybe his lawyer thinks that may work in his favor, who knows.

    I hope for everyone's sake, especially yours and husband's that they don't drag the case out.

    You'll be in my prayers.

  4. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Dee, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

    I'm sending you a hug. I admire you. Just the fact that you have stayed sane during these past three years is to be greatly admired.

    Look after yourself,

    Love, Esther
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you checked in, Dee. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish you and your family are going through.. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
  6. Did-I

    Did-I Worn out warrior

    Ok, I'll try this again. I replied to Janet the other day, don't see it here and am now trying to reply to others. My things sure have changed here! LOL

    Thank you all. I guess since I've had an empty nest for so many years now, I tend to forget that there's this great place I can go to for guidance, support and a smiling face (even if it is just an emoticon LOL) I appreciate everyone's prayers, hugs and good thoughts.

    Maybe one of these days I'll get up the courage to fill in the gaps. Just kind of hard. He's been in the newspapers; all kinds of articles and even a local university newspaper followed him around going to one of his hearings in the beginning of all this, so he even made a debut on YouTube!! :eek:/ Let's just say for now that if I gave you his full name and told you to google him, I'd here a sequential drop of jaws hitting tables, floors, etc., and simultaneous "OMG's!!!!" from around the world

    Will try to check back in soon. Think I've got to check out some of the other forums and oil the rust out of my "tough love" skills, as my eldest grandson (who will be 13 in December) has turned MAJOR difficult child - sadly following the bio-idiot's and his uncle's footsteps :(

    HUGS back to you all!
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Dee,
    Just thinking of you this morning.
    Can't imagine all that you've been through with your difficult child...I am SO sorry.
    And...I would be mortified if newspapers were tracking my difficult child's during their biggest haydays.

    I understand what you mean about "oiling the rust out of Tough Love skills"...I'm having trouble with it at this very moment!

    I am happy to see that your difficult child #2 is on the right track now. My oldest difficult child appears to have turned over a new leaf as well but it is bittersweet as we don't have much to do with him anymore outside him working for husband still. His girlfriend does not like us apparently, oh well. At least oldest difficult child is making some personal progress even if we can't enjoy it with him.

    Sending you a hug a prayer and care this morning.
    Hope to see you here more often,
  8. Did-I

    Did-I Worn out warrior

    Thank you so much, LMS :) yes, unfortunately his crimes are big news (now that i think about it, he was on the local news too! :( ) Our only concerns are my husband's customer's connecting the last names when there's a story in the paper on a particular day (which is only when something is going on with- his cases at the time). Not that it would effect anything as far as his job, but he's embarrassed :( Other than that, those that we've told or those that have seen the story that know us are very supportive of us, reminding us that we've done all we could for difficult child for years and none of this is a reflection on us - which I agree with- 100%

    Yes, difficult child 2 has her issues but is doing much better since she met her fiance. They've been together over a year now and he is wonderful to her and her children (her 6 month old is their child). He even wants to adopt her other three. Now, given what she's going through with my oldest grandson these days, anyone else would have high-tailed it out of there long ago, but he deals with it and helps her the best he can. he truly loves her and he is a great guy :) :)

    Will definitely try to visit more often. Life is hectic these days :eek:/

    Take care of you.
    Hugs back atcha!!!