Laws of Nature

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by HereWeGoAgain, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Law of the Workshop:
    Any tool, when dropped, will hit your toe or roll to the least accessible corner. Or both.

    Law of Probability:
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    Law of the Telephone:
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    Law of the Alibi:
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law:
    If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

    Law of the Bath:
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters:

    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    Law of the Result:
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will, and vice-versa.

    Law of Biomechanics:
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theatre:
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    Law of Coffee:
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers:
    If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Rugs/Carpets:
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

    Law of Location:
    No matter where you go, there you are.

    Brown's Law:
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Oliver's Law:
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    Wilson's Law:
    As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    And, my favorite:

    Law of Logical Argument:
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Love these!

    Anyone else sit there reading this list, nodding their head like a moron, or am I all alone?
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No are not alone!
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Law of DSL Service - dsl on the fritz will self correct as soon as you pick up the phone to call the company to fix it. It will do this repeatly until you give up and call them anyway.

    Yep. Every since I've made up my mind to call them, it's been working just fine. ugh!

    And no BBK. I found myself nodding at every single one of those. *sigh*

  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Another nodder here!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Law of High Heels
    The minute you wear high heels to work you are assured that your car will break down 5 miles from your house, at night, on the hottest day of the year.

    Law of Hair-do and Make Up
    The moment you apply hurricane hairspray and make-up after not wearing any for years your car's a/c is sure to break, leaving you sit in 120 degree melty face heat and wind that would rival the NASA air tunnel test. Arriving at work looking similar to a long haired raccoon who played in her mother's makeup.

    Law of White Pants
    Wear them today and you KNOW someone will bring their drooling, smelly, hasn't had a bath in a year, dirty labrador retriever to work, drink from the toilet and make nice with your lap.

    Law of Dropping
    The days you can bend over to pick something up you dropped nothing will hit the floor, the days you can't bend over to zip your pants EVERYTHING will hit the floor.

    Law of Lunch
    The office phone will not ring until you open your sandwhich and then everyone who has picked up the phone all morning long will automatically point to you and say YOU are the secretary.

    Law of Fishing
    Your poles could surive an F5 tornado fishing line in tact, but take it outside the back door and cast off the deck of your home ONE time to test it and you'll end up restringing the entrie spool. Also see multitudes of fish jumping out of the water, set up camp there, drop a line in the water - immediately the fish will go to the spot you were originally at and you won't catch diddly.

    Law of Nails
    Nails could be left unpainted, uncared for and be longer than a grizzly's claws. Buff them, paint them and you'll chip, crack, break at least one a day.

    Law of Sippy Cup
    Any sippy cup full of fruit punch that could endure the wrath of a pit bull and never leak a drop, given to a toddler will certainly empty it's entire contents in your first brand new car upholstery.

    Stars Law
    Whatever it is you need at that moment you WILL NOT HAVE, there won't be one within miles/days. When you don't need whatever you needed when you needed it but didn't have it will be there in SPADES when you don't need it and more than likely cause you a ridiculous amount of work to put it someplace that you can get to it when you think you will need it.

    Law of the Work place Bathroom
    No one will go into that bathroom until YOU think "I have to go." Then every man in the office will head to one of 2 bathrooms in the building with a paper tucked under his arm.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    And then there is

    Handbag physics
    When you only have one hand free with which to root around in your purse, the one thing you're desperately seeking will immediately plunge to the bottom of your purse, and hide under the rest of the contents.

    Law of White Pants, part 2
    The day you wear white pants to the office, is the day you will run headlong into the person who has just heated up spaghetti with marinara sauce in the office microwave. All of it will stick to your pants.

    Trinity's Law of Floaty Summer Garments
    Always (and I mean ALWAYS) wear...erm..."full coverage" foundation garments on the day you choose to wear a lightweight peasant skirt to the office. Because after a trip to the ladies' room, chances are you WILL have part of the skirt tucked into the back of your knickers, with all the chaos that ensues. And the fabric is too lightweight for you to notice.
    (Yes, this IS the voice of experience talking...sigh)
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    And today ------

    Law of the sleveless dress shirt

    Did you forget to shave or do you have a wookie under your arm? And - that bra you have on isn't the one you wear for work - it's worn, frayed and the straps are not white. Sigh - :surprise: Runs to corner store and buys one even pretends to notice
  10. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Maybe it's me, but I am having difficulty relating to the laws regarding handbags, bras, and floaty summer garments.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can so relate to the Sippy Cup law. I kid you not, we bought the brand spankin new Focus with 5 miles on it and left to go to Jamies for Hailies birth. Keyana in tow. Not 20 miles from home her sippy cup dumped straight down onto my new seat! Oh with toddlers...lmao.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Did I miss the Mechanic's Law? Whatever noise your car is making while you drive it will not present itself for the mechanic who might be able to fix it.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    But you CAN relate to the Wookie under the armpit law so that technically gives you an advantage over the rest of the clean shaven women here.
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady


    what makes you think all the women here are clean-shaven? Seriously.