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Parent Emeritus
Laying groundwork for children. Not laying groundwork for adults.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 657359" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hope is a slippery slope for me. I know I am in the minority when I say that, but for me, giving up hope was necessary. I had to replace that hope, or how it shows up for me is, expectation, with trust. Trust that things will turn out in the way they are meant to turn out and I have no control over that. As a former/recovering enabler, perfectionist and controller, lack of trust was what I was usually dealing with. Trusting life and accepting life are lessons I continue to learn. The journey with my daughter took me a long way down that road.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think it's easy for parents of troubled kids to forget that we are not in charge anymore. We get taken on a different ride and we have to try way harder to remember that autonomy is the goal. Instead of feeling good when we separate from healthy, thriving, 'launching' kids, we are riddled with all kinds of parental guilt so I think we hold on tighter.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That sense of it somehow being about our parenting is what can really keep us stuck for a long time. We can then continue to keep doing more to "fix" it to take ourselves off the 'hook' so to speak........when it is not our 'hook' to begin with.</p><p></p><p>All of this is really hard. And yet, it helps to know that it isn't a life sentence, that we can indeed recover, heal, learn, grow and find peace of mind regardless of what our kids, or anyone is doing or not doing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 657359, member: 13542"] Hope is a slippery slope for me. I know I am in the minority when I say that, but for me, giving up hope was necessary. I had to replace that hope, or how it shows up for me is, expectation, with trust. Trust that things will turn out in the way they are meant to turn out and I have no control over that. As a former/recovering enabler, perfectionist and controller, lack of trust was what I was usually dealing with. Trusting life and accepting life are lessons I continue to learn. The journey with my daughter took me a long way down that road. I think it's easy for parents of troubled kids to forget that we are not in charge anymore. We get taken on a different ride and we have to try way harder to remember that autonomy is the goal. Instead of feeling good when we separate from healthy, thriving, 'launching' kids, we are riddled with all kinds of parental guilt so I think we hold on tighter. That sense of it somehow being about our parenting is what can really keep us stuck for a long time. We can then continue to keep doing more to "fix" it to take ourselves off the 'hook' so to speak........when it is not our 'hook' to begin with. All of this is really hard. And yet, it helps to know that it isn't a life sentence, that we can indeed recover, heal, learn, grow and find peace of mind regardless of what our kids, or anyone is doing or not doing. [/QUOTE]
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