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Parent Emeritus
Laying groundwork for children. Not laying groundwork for adults.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 665015" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am feeling this as a failure of hope for myself.</p><p></p><p>I began to believe my hope was empty and I was not going to change.</p><p></p><p>I do not trust in my own capacity to solve or get over this. In myself. That I could not make my relationships right, that I have failed. And with this I have lost confidence in myself.</p><p></p><p>On some level I believe I failed my mother, my son and myself. I have lost faith in my instincts and my abilities to do the right thing...for my heart.</p><p></p><p>Each time I try to go on for myself, and I hesitate, because of a feeling that comes up I think I must label it, "I should never have trusted her." And the her, is me.</p><p></p><p>I am struggling here, I see, with doubt over how I have lived. So, of course, I would doubt myself going forward. But why would I? I did the best I could in circumstances I did not control</p><p></p><p>I see that I am taking over responsibility for my Mother and my son. My Mother certainly made choices that affected our relationship. And my son, as yet, has his chance.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how to detach from the sense of responsibility for EVERYTHING. And the sense of guilt when I cannot do it. Or have not done it. I can let go of hope. But I cannot seem to let go of responsibility.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 665015, member: 18958"] I am feeling this as a failure of hope for myself. I began to believe my hope was empty and I was not going to change. I do not trust in my own capacity to solve or get over this. In myself. That I could not make my relationships right, that I have failed. And with this I have lost confidence in myself. On some level I believe I failed my mother, my son and myself. I have lost faith in my instincts and my abilities to do the right thing...for my heart. Each time I try to go on for myself, and I hesitate, because of a feeling that comes up I think I must label it, "I should never have trusted her." And the her, is me. I am struggling here, I see, with doubt over how I have lived. So, of course, I would doubt myself going forward. But why would I? I did the best I could in circumstances I did not control I see that I am taking over responsibility for my Mother and my son. My Mother certainly made choices that affected our relationship. And my son, as yet, has his chance. I do not know how to detach from the sense of responsibility for EVERYTHING. And the sense of guilt when I cannot do it. Or have not done it. I can let go of hope. But I cannot seem to let go of responsibility. [/QUOTE]
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