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Parent Emeritus
Laying groundwork for children. Not laying groundwork for adults.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 665185" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Copa, as you well know in your mind, we just aren't perfect. We don't have all the power. We can't control other people. We can barely control ourselves. We can only do the best we can do, in any given situation, and it will be far from perfect.</p><p></p><p>Accepting that....for we very strong, resilient, resourceful people (men and women alike)...is a life's work. </p><p></p><p>In every other single thing in our lives, we have affected change. But not with people. It doesn't work. </p><p></p><p>But like a battering ram, we beat our head over and over and over again against a brick wall and lose all sense of reason about it. We try harder. We try something different. We do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.</p><p></p><p>Until the day we lay it all down, and say: I give. Something has to change.</p><p></p><p>And then the real work begins. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep. You know this. Now, living into it is what comes next and it is hard hard work with a lot of back steps. But that's okay too.</p><p></p><p>Compassion for ourselves has to come first, before we can accept other people, even homeless drug addicts who choose to live on the street. It's their choice. It's their choice. It's their choice. </p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>As the oldest of four, Mommy's little helper, I had to grow up super fast starting when I was 6 and my sister was diagnosed with an incurable disease. </p><p></p><p>I learned how to get it done, baby. Boy, could I!</p><p></p><p>My dad is a Super Type A, and he valued...accomplishment. </p><p></p><p>I learned that to get his approval, I had to accomplish.</p><p></p><p>Boy, could I!</p><p></p><p>I had a double-whammy, a triple-whammy. I used to marvel at myself, even. I could move mountains. I never gave up. Never. Watch me work, baby! Just stand back...and watch and applaud.</p><p></p><p>Until I met the 40-foot-tall monster I call Alcoholism and Addiction. I had finally met my match, but it still took me YEARS to see it...and then MORE YEARS to accept it. I was even gonna beat that one too, especially when my precious, precious youngest child was in the grip of that evil monster. You don't think Momma wasn't gonna win? Again, just watch me.</p><p></p><p>So...by the grace of God, I had some preparation from dealing with my ex-husband's disease, and so the time was shorter for me to surrender. To accept my own powerlessness. </p><p></p><p>The walk has been very long, and humbling and hard, and ultimately, healing.</p><p></p><p>I couldn't cure my little sister, I couldn't make my dad's temper to away, I couldn't save my own marriage, and I couldn't save my precious son.</p><p></p><p>I couldn't. But I'm still a worthy person, and I see myself so much more realistically and clearly and with compassion today. I mess up a lot, and that's okay. I can do better next time.</p><p></p><p>I am so grateful for this road and for continuing to walk it. Without it, I would still be expecting myself to be SuperWoman. And that is a lonely lonely, impossible person to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 665185, member: 17542"] Copa, as you well know in your mind, we just aren't perfect. We don't have all the power. We can't control other people. We can barely control ourselves. We can only do the best we can do, in any given situation, and it will be far from perfect. Accepting that....for we very strong, resilient, resourceful people (men and women alike)...is a life's work. In every other single thing in our lives, we have affected change. But not with people. It doesn't work. But like a battering ram, we beat our head over and over and over again against a brick wall and lose all sense of reason about it. We try harder. We try something different. We do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. Until the day we lay it all down, and say: I give. Something has to change. And then the real work begins. Yep. You know this. Now, living into it is what comes next and it is hard hard work with a lot of back steps. But that's okay too. Compassion for ourselves has to come first, before we can accept other people, even homeless drug addicts who choose to live on the street. It's their choice. It's their choice. It's their choice. As the oldest of four, Mommy's little helper, I had to grow up super fast starting when I was 6 and my sister was diagnosed with an incurable disease. I learned how to get it done, baby. Boy, could I! My dad is a Super Type A, and he valued...accomplishment. I learned that to get his approval, I had to accomplish. Boy, could I! I had a double-whammy, a triple-whammy. I used to marvel at myself, even. I could move mountains. I never gave up. Never. Watch me work, baby! Just stand back...and watch and applaud. Until I met the 40-foot-tall monster I call Alcoholism and Addiction. I had finally met my match, but it still took me YEARS to see it...and then MORE YEARS to accept it. I was even gonna beat that one too, especially when my precious, precious youngest child was in the grip of that evil monster. You don't think Momma wasn't gonna win? Again, just watch me. So...by the grace of God, I had some preparation from dealing with my ex-husband's disease, and so the time was shorter for me to surrender. To accept my own powerlessness. The walk has been very long, and humbling and hard, and ultimately, healing. I couldn't cure my little sister, I couldn't make my dad's temper to away, I couldn't save my own marriage, and I couldn't save my precious son. I couldn't. But I'm still a worthy person, and I see myself so much more realistically and clearly and with compassion today. I mess up a lot, and that's okay. I can do better next time. I am so grateful for this road and for continuing to walk it. Without it, I would still be expecting myself to be SuperWoman. And that is a lonely lonely, impossible person to be. [/QUOTE]
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