There are ways, and there are ways...
When easy child was a baby, I felt the same as that mother. I don't think I was an idiot about it, though. (by the way, I haven't seen the program you're talking about, I'm just going by what you've said). I used to pick easy child up before she cried; I would be listening for that first sound they make that indicates they've had enough playing on their own, and I would pick her up at that point. I did try to give her what I thought she wanted. But that was as a baby - as soon as the child is old enough to talk and express their needs more fluently, it's easier to not only give them what they REALLY want, but also to talk to them about sharing, helping, thinking about other people.
Babies don't understand about other people. They see the entire world as an extension of themselves, only existing to service their wants. In time, even a spoilt child learns that the world is more complex than that.
I don't think easy child was ever spoiled. As much as I wanted to hold and cuddle my baby, she wanted to explore what was going on and would push away from me to get down and crawl. It was what she wanted so I let her.
Perhaps a big difference here, is easy child was in Long Day Care from 12 weeks old, mixing with other babies her age. She grew to be a strong-willed, capable, socially competent child. In her first year of school there were a number of kids from the same child care centre. The teacher wailed, "I have a classroom full of leaders, and no followers!"
I used to carry difficult child 3 a lot, I would cuddle him to sleep every time. I loved it. But when he was about three months old, he decided he didn't want or need that any more. He would enjoy a cuddle, then when he felt sleepy enough he would almost leap out of my arms and into the cot, where he would determinedly turn his head and tuck his nose in, sound asleep within a couple of minutes.
Star, you keep animals. You've seen the difference between animals as wonderful companions, and animals as snappy, horrid, possessive little critturs. When I was a kid, we had corgis. We used to breed them, sell them to people we knew and often saw how they turned out. Our dogs were well-behaved, well-trained, nice-natured (except for the first one we had, who could be very jealous of the other dogs). Mostly, the pups turned out the same - lovely, loyal, well-behaved companions. But my brother's parents-in-law bought one of our pups and were stupid with it. They'd pick it up, kiss and cuddle it, baby talk to it and as a result, the dog turned out to be snappy and vicious - with everyone except them, mostly, but even with them at times. They had raised their dog to be the boss, to be the one in charge, and frankly I think she felt the responsibility was a strain. She would snarl at anyone who didn't belong, to make sure they knew she was boss as well. If you turned your back she would go for your ankles. I was good with dogs, especially corgis, but this one wouldn't let me touch her or even come near.
This kid sounds like she's the boss. Her parents have clearly put her needs so far above their own, that they're sending completely the wrong messages. She's going to be the human equivalent of that snappy, vicious corgi. Jealous of any attention her parents spend NOT on her; pathologically jealous to the point of harm. And all those sacrifices - why should she ever show any gratitude? None has ever been expected or requested. It's all given to her, so why should she ever feel she has to be grateful? It is her right, surely? Her parents, in ten years' time, will be asking themselves, "Where did we go wrong? We gave her everything..."
Yep. That'd do it.
Marg
