leaving on a jet plane (again)

[amazeofgrace]

thank you all (again) for the words of wisdom. The plan is to go see his psychiatrist 2morrow, and try to push her hard to admitt him into a partial hospital. Then we will see what comes of Thursday at court.

difficult child I started the lexapro right after the last legal incident. I have noticed he gets up easier. As far as his rages go, they may be a little more intense, it is hard to tell. He is definatley not holding anything back when he goes off on me, or my parents.

difficult child I is very "street smart", which were the officer's exact words. I do not necesarily agree. difficult child II has buttons that can be easily pressed, for a display of his violent behavior, but difficult child I is alot more "manipulative" in the way he shuts it down, and will not be out of control in front of stangers, Dr's, PO, DYFS or police officers.

I have calls into his PO and DYFS worker, hopefully they will call back 2morrow. My Mom took difficult child I to work today 40 minutes late, because he was moving slowly and she refused to usher him along. I have to pick him up at 7Pm, not looking forward to it. It is heart breaking to know he will most likely lose this job, and it was so hard for him to get one in the 1st place!

 

[amazeofgrace]

PS everytime I try to call 911, difficult child I stops screaming, once the police come he plays the part of the "victim" perfectly. He plays the song so well "my little brother is bi-polar which makes my mom stressed out, my Dad is in rehab and doesn't give a damn about us" he has it down to a science.

 

[klmno]

Again, I think your best bet is the ER. psychiatrist's don't like admitting to psychiatric hospital anymore and there aren't many partials left, at least around here. psychiatrist did tell me,, though, that if I took difficult child to ER and he had calmed down and the stage had past (which is the case 99% of the time) make sure I tell the evaluation'ing psychiatrist that these actions in him keep returning.

The cops might not be able to help so much- if they come and difficult child has calmed down, they cannot have him tdo'd. At the ER, as long as he is a minor and the evaluation'ing psychiatrist decides he could hurt someone, then he has to be admitted.

I can tell you are not wanting to do that- I'm not sure why- but I'm just worried for you all and just trying to help...

 

[DammitJanet]

The being in control of his actions is why I would suggest going through a case manager. Cory was rarely out of control in public...well except in school. Cory didnt really rage like most folks talk about on here but he would be completely defiant. He still wont act out in front of people he knows he shouldnt. He can be a complete horses behind to me but let the cops come and he is all goodness and light. That really doesnt matter though because if I say boo, they will take him in. Especially right now with him on house arrest! I wish he would have had this PO back when he was 14 because maybe he would have learned respect for the law back then instead of having to go through all this now. This man is tough and Cory is scared to death of him.

You can press charges for all kinds of things. I have. You can contact mental health and ask for help in getting him in a group home or ask the PO for removal from the home. There are ways of doing these things.

 

[hearts and roses]

{{amazeofgrace}} Star has made some excellent points. It's time to get difficult child I placed, ASAP. I hope that you can and very very soon. You need some peace of mind. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[klmno]

if you have a case manager, definitely work that route- I didn't even think about it because we can't get one here without certain conditions that we don't meet. If all that fails, you can push for the PO or courts to provide something- but, I hope you do something soon. I learned several things the hard way that I wish soooo musch I had known before making certain decisions.

 

[amazeofgrace]

I guess based on all the trouble I've had taking difficult child II to the ER in the past: last time = 3 x's in a 4 day period, it took him pulling a knife on me and police presence, for them to finally admitt him, and even then they were reluctant, stating "I already had all the support services needed in place at home", and then once he was placed, I had a week of peace, combined with traveling over an hour away 4 x's, and that was it, not much came of it, and then he went to partial (again) and they went through all the same things with him (again) and sadly it did not really do too much for him, excpet put him into therapy over load between partial and all the services I had in home and school. And difficult child II has blown up on strangers and Dr's and police and DYFS workers. difficult child I is very much like your Corey, Janet, he puts on his halo on que, and is quite a good actor.

difficult child II and difficult child I are now seeing the same psychiatric, and last time she was pushing me to get difficult child II in partial (I was on the waiting list), b4 all heck literally broke lose and he was put in hospital. I am hoping she will initiate the same for difficult child I 2morrow.

I am trying to chant "One day at a time", trying. I have a lot of services, but only three people out of many, are truly a help to me, difficult child II's In home, difficult child II's CMO case manager and difficult child II's FSO case manager. They are all woman and all mom's consequently, LOL.

 

[DammitJanet]

How confident are you with your sons ADD/ODD diagnosis? The reason I ask that is because the behaviors that you have posted about on the board really dont sound much like ADD stuff...and while they could be some ODD...he could have slipped over into CD. If he is CD, then he needs to be treated in a different way than if it were ADD causing all this. Its my opinion that kids with CD need to be treated with very structured behavioral modification. In all aspects of their lives.

This is one area I think we messed up on with my son. I think we all fell into the trap of coddling him thinking he was bipolar and "couldnt help it" and so we let him slide on stuff and now everyone is paying...mostly him. I think if we had correctly diagnosed him with CD along with the bipolar back when he was a teen and clearly showing the signs...then maybe he could have received the appropriate treatment, including punishment, and maybe we could have saved him from heading into Antisocial Personality Disorder as an adult.

 

[sabrah]

what is CD?

 

[DammitJanet]

CD is Conduct Disorder. And by that I mean the actual diagnosis not the umbrella grouping that is used by the name of this site to fit everything under it.

The diagnostic criteria for Conduct Disorder (codes 312.xx, with xx representing digits which vary depending upon the severity, onset, etc. of the disorder) as listed in the DSM-IV-TR are as follows:

1. A repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated, as manifested by the presence of three (or more) of the following criteria in the past 12 months, with at least one criterion present in the past 6 months:
   1. Aggression to people and animals
      1. often bullies people, threatens, or intimidates others
      2. often initiates physical fights
      3. has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun)
      4. has been physically cruel to people
      5. has been physically cruel to animals
      6. has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery)
      7. has forced someone into sexual activity
   2. Destruction of property
      1. has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage.
      2. has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire).
   3. Deceitfulness or theft
      1. has broken into someone else's house, building, or car
      2. often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others)
      3. has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery)
   4. Serious violations of rules
      1. often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years
      2. has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period)
      3. is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years
2. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.
3. If the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for Antisocial personality disorder.

 

[Star*]

As a next to last ditch effort -

You CAN as his parents go to family court, file a petition of incorrigiblity, and have him placed in a facility BY the courts.

We had paperwork done to do this and it "cracked the whip" with the caseworkers etc....because the FIRST think a judge would ask a caseworker/probation officer is "WHY AM I DOING YOUR JOB?"

FYI - back pocket idea.

OH and get yourself a little hand held pocket recorder and when your difficult child starts going "off" hit record - that way when he stops you have a good reference for the police that DO show up -

We did this and Dudes mouth went (AAAAAAAAHHHHH) - busted.

 

[amazeofgrace]

LOL I tried the recorder idea with difficult child II, I am glad I bought a cheap one, because he found it and smashed it to bits, I do have a built in recorder in my lap top, however it would be not too cool if it got smashed to bits!!

 

[amazeofgrace]

1. 1. 1. often initiates physical fights difficult child I NO/difficult child II YES
      2. has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun) difficult child I NO / difficult child II YES
      3. has been physically cruel to people difficult child I & difficult child II NO
      4. has been physically cruel to animals difficult child I & difficult child II NO
      5. has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery) difficult child I & difficult child II NO
      6. has forced someone into sexual activity difficult child I & difficult child II NO, thank God
   2. Destruction of property difficult child I & difficult child II YES
      1. has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage. difficult child I & difficult child II NO
      2. has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire). difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
   3. Deceitfulness or theft
      1. has broken into someone else's house, building, or car difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
      2. often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others) difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
      3. has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery) difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
   4. Serious violations of rules
      1. often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
      2. has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period) difficult child I YES / difficult child II NO
      3. is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years difficult child I YES / difficult child II YES and NO depends if he's manic