tryingtobestrong, Yes, our son twice has left early. The first time he was in a very good hospital 30 day rehab he called the day before he was supposed to complete it because he wouldn't sign a paper to go to a sober living after. It was a court ordered situation. So, next he went to a free rehab that we didn't pay literally an arm and leg for with an entirely different group of people where buses dropped inmates off from jail plus it was a five month program to graduate. He left about three days early. We couldn't believe it. The director said that it happens often. Each time he went to a rehab he did learn and he did get some time sober. I believe every time helps hopefully until someday something clicks and it's a big enough click where not using outweighs using. The few after that he stayed and one even months after in a sober living.
I do hope your loved on changes their mind.
I hope so too. The staff is usually pretty good at talking with them to get them to stay. Maybe you want to ask them your roll.. sometimes your encouragement is good an sometimes it's better to back off and let them do their thing.
My son left 2 rehabs. He just graduated his third.
I was an active participant in my son's first 2 tries. I blamed myself for his problem and took it upon myself to do as much as I possibly could to help him fix it. Impact letters, visits, training, family sessions, whatever they said might help, I was there with bells on my shoes.
The third time I was done, done, done. I had no involvement other than visits and showing up for his graduation. If he was being a jerk he didn't even get the visit.
Rehab is hard and scary, and the rush of emotions when newly sober is overwhelming. I agree with Earth is Hard. Your son's counselors know what he's feeling, they have probably heard all of his excuses before, and they know the right things to say.
If *WE* knew the right things to say they probably wouldn't be in this situation. They need people who can see through their BS and have enough professional distance to let them decide what they want. If his counselors feel it is best for you to step back and let him figure this out on his own, I would defer to their judgment.
Got a call yesterday that he was planning to leave AMA... Didn't want them to contact us. I left the family therapist know to tell him that we are done and the rent is on him since he didn't follow through with his finishing treatment. She said his therapist was trying to talk him into staying until today but he was adamant about leaving last night. He was in group therapy and when came out seem to have calmed down and decided to stay. Thank God for whomever he sent to a message to that got through to my son. Taking it one day at a time and praying hard that God will see him through this. I know I have to break all ties with him if he leaves early and let him deal with everything on his own. It will be extremely hard but I know I have to. He assumes I will just fly out there and handle things but I can't anymore.
I think he will be able to make phone calls tomorrow and I don't even want to talk to him.
OK You absolutely have to do whats right for you. If he leaves treatment I agree you shouldn’t pay rent, shouldnt let him come home, and dont rescue him. However I dont think you need to necessarily break all ties with him. You know your situation better than I do so maybe you do. Our son has been in many many rehabs, has left some early, has made it through several, gone to sober living and been kicked out more times than I remember. In those situations he was on his own and he has been on the streets. But we always kept contact with him and when he was desperate and willing to go into treatment we helped him. For some addicts it takes many many tries and they need to be ready. Sometimes I think my son is only alive because of the love of his parents. He is now in a different program, went through their residential, is now living on his own but with a lot of support from the program and has recently gotten a job. He has had one relapse so far but got back on track iwth their support pretty quickly. I dont know what will happen but for us staying in touch (even when he was on the streets has been the right thing to do for both him and us.