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Legal battles, un gratefulness, bone tired, VENT with cherry on top
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 654215" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Gratefulness between people is, if we go to the bottom of it and look it from evolution psychologist way, a social and mind game. "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." And not in the concrete level but rather high abstract level and requires rather complex social skills and maturity. Just think how long it takes for even most typical and sensitive child to learn it. I mean, no one in their right mind would expect a first grader to have much gratitude over something that happened a little longer ago. It is well possible that your kid does not have social skills and maturity to really grasp the concept of gratitude in typical adult level. And it is very possible she may never reach that maturity and skill level. It could maybe help you, if you would try to learn not to expect gratitude. To help her in the ways you are comfortable and that will not cause you feel resentment even if she is not able to express or even grasp gratefulness. </p><p></p><p>Her social skills may also limit her choice of friends. Bullies see someone whom they can bully in her and that is why they are attracted. She may not have lots of qualities that would make her an attractive friend candidate to nicer people. I mean, even though she has a good heart, it may be, that people find her tedious company. They may think she is nice, but that she is too needy or not socially appropriate enough to be fun company. And lets face it, outside of family, who actually wants to spent time with people, who seem to consume your energy instead of giving you energy? People with low social skills may be perfectly nice, but often they are not fun to be with. Most people, when they are looking for chosen relationships, go for people who they find fun to be with. </p><p></p><p>It may be, that she doesn't have much choice when it comes to friends. And for many, being alone is so bad, that they would rather be bullied.</p><p></p><p>My kid has had this same problem with friends a lot. He is very smart, can have very unconventional and unique ideas and thoughts and deep down he is not a shi**y person, but his social skills, or lack of them, make him edgy and strenuous person to be with. He also attracts bullies. When he was younger, situation really was so, that outside of family he didn't have any real friends. But he did hang out with other kids who both bullied him and used him. But despite being hurt badly he kept going back and trying to make them like him. Absolutely heartbreaking. </p><p></p><p>Now that he is older and interacts with wider group of people than just peers of his age, and after he has learnt some more social skills, it has became evident that there is also something in him, that makes bit older people wanting to protect him and also some very wholesome and strong, bit older than him guys, to overlook his strenuousness and friend him for the more enjoyable sides of him. His and his sport psychologist's hard work with social skills has also paid off and he is so much easier company now, that many of his peers are willing to spend time with him too. But still his available pool of friends is much smaller than for example our younger son's.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 654215, member: 14557"] Gratefulness between people is, if we go to the bottom of it and look it from evolution psychologist way, a social and mind game. "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours." And not in the concrete level but rather high abstract level and requires rather complex social skills and maturity. Just think how long it takes for even most typical and sensitive child to learn it. I mean, no one in their right mind would expect a first grader to have much gratitude over something that happened a little longer ago. It is well possible that your kid does not have social skills and maturity to really grasp the concept of gratitude in typical adult level. And it is very possible she may never reach that maturity and skill level. It could maybe help you, if you would try to learn not to expect gratitude. To help her in the ways you are comfortable and that will not cause you feel resentment even if she is not able to express or even grasp gratefulness. Her social skills may also limit her choice of friends. Bullies see someone whom they can bully in her and that is why they are attracted. She may not have lots of qualities that would make her an attractive friend candidate to nicer people. I mean, even though she has a good heart, it may be, that people find her tedious company. They may think she is nice, but that she is too needy or not socially appropriate enough to be fun company. And lets face it, outside of family, who actually wants to spent time with people, who seem to consume your energy instead of giving you energy? People with low social skills may be perfectly nice, but often they are not fun to be with. Most people, when they are looking for chosen relationships, go for people who they find fun to be with. It may be, that she doesn't have much choice when it comes to friends. And for many, being alone is so bad, that they would rather be bullied. My kid has had this same problem with friends a lot. He is very smart, can have very unconventional and unique ideas and thoughts and deep down he is not a shi**y person, but his social skills, or lack of them, make him edgy and strenuous person to be with. He also attracts bullies. When he was younger, situation really was so, that outside of family he didn't have any real friends. But he did hang out with other kids who both bullied him and used him. But despite being hurt badly he kept going back and trying to make them like him. Absolutely heartbreaking. Now that he is older and interacts with wider group of people than just peers of his age, and after he has learnt some more social skills, it has became evident that there is also something in him, that makes bit older people wanting to protect him and also some very wholesome and strong, bit older than him guys, to overlook his strenuousness and friend him for the more enjoyable sides of him. His and his sport psychologist's hard work with social skills has also paid off and he is so much easier company now, that many of his peers are willing to spend time with him too. But still his available pool of friends is much smaller than for example our younger son's. [/QUOTE]
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