Let it go? Or say something to school?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, May 20, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    As I have posted, I am backing way off of cultured difficult child and the school scene. I am aware that her grades are not good, and that, at last count she had 23 missing assignments, but I say nothing.

    She worked on homework off and on thru the weekend. I didn't know why, just thought it was odd. She took her science grade from a 66% to an 85%. I found out why today.

    The field trip for the "100% club" is Tuesday. You have to have all your work done, and all your grades a C or above, and under a certain number of tardies and verious other requirements.

    She is going.

    She still has 5 missing math assignments. Obviously, she will do the work if she thinks she needs to (case in point - science - she raised her grade over 15 points in order to make this field trip!). I know the math teacher has sent home notes and holds other kids to the school policy of doing the work - I don't know why he's not for cultured difficult child. She's had over 20 assignments missing this year that he never "reported".

    So, do I call the school? Or pretend I know nothing and let her go on the field trip without having earned it? Again.

    Telling anyone but the school is out. I won't say a word to the rest of them.
    Last edited: May 20, 2010
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    The problem when school and/or teachers do not enforce their own rules...is that it makes you look like an unreasonable, craxy b*tch for trying to get your child to follow those rules.

    I say, back off and let the school handle it. (I know, I know--but I've been there too many times myself. All that happens is that the teachers end up commiserating with your kid because of how MEAN you are. It's always a lose-lose situation....for the parent.)
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Shari... I have the same issue with Jett's teacher. Never know there are missing assignments... Then suddenly for Spring Break he had to complete 12 of them. HUH?

    I shot an email to the teacher to let her know we were aware and to PLEASE let us know when/if there was an issue (I write these emails because I'm a bit more polite than husband). She told me she posted assignments on her web page (part of school's page) and they were listed in Jett's RIB (Really Important Binder), and that I should check that.

    WELLLL... He doesn't bring it home. Her assignment postings are not current. And I have gotten NOTHING from her since. Jett's grades have TANKED this year. He has an IEP, and he is supposed to get help with reading. He gets reading help in MATH but not SOCIAL STUDIES. Once again... HUH?

    So husband and I put our heads together... And told Jett if he didn't bring the RIB home, he should just hand over his Nintendo DS the moment he walked in the door. He remembered it, of course. We will check again today... I don't know about yesterday due to my having a RFL meeting (LOL - I got home at 10 PM).

    He's just like C-difficult child. He can do the work... He just doesn't WANT to.

    We can only do what we can do. Let the school deal with it.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ours is the same way. Assignments are posted online, you can log in and look at their gradebook every day. (I don't, by the way)

    I just happened to look at info on Wee's page, and glanced at hers. The school policy is to use "ZAPs" for missing work. "Zeroes aren't permissable". If they don't turn in an assignmnet, they get a ZAP, it goes home to be signed by the parent and returned with the completed work the next day, or they are supposed to get a detention.

    She's not gotten a single ZAP this year. She has 5 assingments in math still out from the course of the last month. Since he didn't send home ZAPs, she doesn't have any ZAPs, so she qualifies for the field trip. And I just loathe it, it reinforces what she's already doing - nothing.

    I also know other kids in this same math class who've been sent home with many ZAPs. If I were those parents, I'd be ticked.

    I'm about ready to suggest to husband we ask to give up week time with cultured difficult child and ask to have her three weekends a month instead, so school is completely out.
  5. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    All things considered, I'd let the school handle it. Their rules; their problem. If difficult child were in elementary school it might be different but once they become teens it is up to them to start handling some of their own problems. It is her homework; not yours. If she gets in trouble, it is her problem, not yours. If the school lets it slide, it is their problem, not yours. Making an issue of it will only upset her, the school, and you as well. Let them take care of their own business.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Peace settled in my home once I decided to leave school issues with the school........I had much more important issues at home to address. Cultured difficult child is plenty old enough to be responsible for her own school work without a parent nagging her to finish it. If she isn't......then flunking a class or two or not getting to do something the other kids get to do will bring her around sooner or later. I discovered to my surprise that my kids did just as well, if not much better, when I stepped out of that picture. Although it did tend to tick off school staff. lol:tongue:
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    She just called.

    I answered the phone "hello?"

    She said "Mrs P said you called about my jump drive."

    Me "uh...no".

    She said "Well, I need it. Its at your house. I think"

    Me "Uh...I have no idea. I didn't call. Haven't seen the jump drive. Haven't looked."

    I told her back in January I was done hauling her stuff to her. I won't take the jump drive to her, either. She did not do one lick of homework last night, she used the jump drive A WEEK AGO. It should have been turned in then...not now.

    Hound, I completely agree. Problem is, she's not gonna flunk or miss out. She's getting p-poor grades, not doing the work, and they're letting it slide, too.
  8. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I have homework issues big time here with my younger difficult children. Both have IEPs as well. The older of the two has it written in her IEP for several years now that it is mandatory that the teachers communicate with me by email regularly (I even had to go so far as to have to have written the exact amount of days ) or else no homework ever got done and I'd never know until the end of the marking period. Ms queen would also erase in her agenda anything that was written as well as tell me it was done when it wasn't done. The teacher has to initial it at end of day and now it has to be written in pen. The teacher has a blackboard (online) page where assignments are suppose to be but I've found it to be totally inaccurate and assignments aren't posted on there much regularly at all. I, in turn must check and sign the agenda (assuming she brings it home or shows it to me) and new this year I have to not only sign it (not just initials like I used to) but full signature and sentence saying I saw it. They have a 3 handwriting samples from me because queen decided to take to forging my signature! (at 12!) She should have long been past this. We have cut her homework load down even because school knows it's a losing battle at home and we are facing far many more difficult issue that take precedents.

    As for little dude, his is more of the typical ADHD/ODD variety. He is very disorganized. He forgets things a lot. He also has written in communication to his IEP because so much time would pass before I'd find out about missing homework (I would think teachers would want to stay on top of this but I do realize they have a lot of kids to handle too). So for him, agenda must be checked and signed if he remembers it. He has to have help on the other end getting things written into it properly and making sure things are actually put into backpack or handed in (so many times he's left homework in bottom even though it was done, just not turned in). Now teacher emails after 2 days if homework is not turned in. That is his grace period so we don't get backed up. He does also get leeway on homework time because with the ODD his mood fluctuates in getting it done. He could do 3 days of work in 1 day sometimes but nothing another day. Somehow it balances out, thankfully for him. He is a better student then queen. She absolutely hates anything academic and struggles all the way around so it's so much more of an issue.

    Having said all this and knowing mine are slightly younger (5th and 6th graders), my opinion would be that if none of this was part of things already in place and no one was concerned to begin with to make it happen (apparently the math teacher seems to be either blind/ignorant or letting it slide for another reason) then why make it an issue now?

    Sounds like you have a situation on your hands that could use the basket thinking technique in general overall with all that is going on. With each thing that happens and you struggle with what to do put priority on it. Like A- absolutely will NOT tolerate (for us it's violence and that gets addressed and can not slide), b- needs to be addressed but not exact at the moment (for us it's cursing/lying, etc..), and finally C- things that are a problem but in the grand theme of things, probably aren't going to mess "your" life up, just hers and be annoying to you (for us it could be something like messy rooms, stuff left around the house that creates mess) I hope that helps a little.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yup, her mama and I both get her homework assignments via email every single day...

    Cultured difficult child was also caught forging last year, so we did check to make sure she wasnt forging ZAPs. She is not. She's not getting them. My guess is she has bs'ed the math teacher into some poor woe-is-me story...because, again, I know he gives ZAPs to other kids...

    I know one of her friend's parents was highly perturbed that her daughter was getting ZAPs and c-difficult child wasn't. If I do anything, I'll hand her a copy of the grade sheet on Tuesday, after both girls attend the field trip. Let her raise the ruckus. lol

    But I probably won't even do that. She wants me to drop what I'm doing and drive 20 miles to take an assignment to her? Not gonna happen til she puts forth some regular effort and cares about them all. I KNOW she knows about the missing math. She's mentioned it. But as long as no one cares and its not costing her anything, she's not gonna do it. She's lost 6% in that class this week, too. Between the missing work and the F's.