Let's give tips to each other to make Mothers Day better.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, May 7, 2009.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I read the Mother's Day thread with interest. It's a cruel holiday. I believe I read that the highest suicide rate of the year is Mother's Day. So why don't we come up with ways to make the day brighter for each other, even if our kids act like turds...lol.

    I'll tell you what I always do.

    Three of my kids live in Illinois and two call (one doesn't talk to me at all--probably never will again--that hurts me on Mother's Day especially). I also have two kids still living with me.

    I take charge...lol. I plan my own Mothers Day. I already told hub that we're having a barbecue or going out to eat. The two kids at home come with or help cook and we all have fun. Yes, I initiate it, but it's fun and at least I'm doing a family thing. I also had my hair cut this week to celebrate and maybe I"ll get my nails done so I feel pretty on Sunday. If it's a nice day, I'm going to get everyone to take a long walk with me on the trails.

    Any tips?
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Good idea for a thread.

    Like MWM, my tip is if it isn't working for you, take control of what you can. Think of it as Mother's Day Salvage. ;-)

    I married into a family that has had all the mothers doing the cooking for MD for as long as anyone can remember. Seriously! One of the moms gets her house ready for a big family gathering and all the moms prepare and bring the food. You can imagine how resentful I was spending my first 12 MD's with that arrangement. Yeah, getting kids ready for church, preparing food, packing kids to travel, and then cleaning the kitchen when I got home was my idea of a really good time honoring ME.

    No matter how hard I wished it, I finally concluded that there's no way my husband was going to stand up to his mother about MD so I had two choices: I could spend the rest of my MD's being angry about it or I could do something about it. I can't get out of getting together with the family, but I can take control of the no cooking thing. Two years ago I decided I was not going to cook again unless I really wanted to. It's caused some strife with mother in law but I'd rather have that than feel mean at my family for three days. Last year I bought fruit and veggie trays for sister in law and I. This year I'll be forking out for carryout chicken and spaghetti. Honestly, if I had my way I'd go out for Mexican food and go and see Star Trek so this is acompromise....but I'll take not being angry because no one is caring or daring enough to make a change.

    Last year I also asked for a gift that would give me the kind of get together I would like, only at another time. I considered the family gettogether my mother in law's celebration and I asked for tickets from my kids for us to go see Narnia together and that was my MD celebration. I felt a lot better with that to look forward to.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I think you both have good idea's.
    I expect nothing so I'm not disappointed. (of course they usually send cards or something small) husband always honors the day and the mother of his children but if he treated me poorly all year, then I wouldn't care for a mandatory Mother's Day charade.

    SRL, you are so wise to work with the present system to make things work for you. Good idea about not cooking.

    MWM, more power to you for not sitting and waiting. Some people aren't very good about initiating parties. You start it and those who want contributes.

    Nothing like a happy mom on Mother's day.
    Last edited: May 7, 2009
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Go on vacation.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I don't do anything every year, except for any holiday, if I want it to be commemorated, I make a point to let people know that. If they say "what do you want for ______" and I say "nothing", nothing is what I expect and usually get. If I want something, I tell husband. Not very romantic, but it works.

    Like MWM, if there's something I want to do on that day, I don't leave it to them to figure it out. I ramrod the deal. Again, not very romantic, but I don't end up disappointed that way, either. lol
  6. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I, like Fran, never expect Mother's Day to be any different than any other day, therefore have never been disappointed. Anything that does happen is a bonus. We do generally go for a brunch with my mom, sis, niece, and the kids/dhs attached, arranged by one of us mom's usually. It's at least one meal I don't have to cook that day, and that's a MD present in itself. We're doing that again this Sunday, though don't know if difficult child will be able to drag himself out of bed by noon to come with us LOL.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im not a holiday person for the most part and I dont really get Mothers Day but Tony seems to like this day and normally keeps on the boys to make sure they remember it. Normally the boys do a much better job of celebrating their father...lol. I get something silly like bath stuff or a book..which is nice...but they bought their dad a grill last year...lol.

    I have a sneaky suspicion I may be getting a mattress this year which would be wonderful. I would be in heaven if that is my gift...lol. If not, my favorite author just put out a book. I will be happy with that.
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I don't expect anything. My daughter always pulls through...but the other 3 are, well, lame. Birthdays are the same. I'd love to just have the day alone.

  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Well, I like (good) surprises & Duckie is trying really hard not to tell me what she's making in school. Her classmates, however, keep trying to blow the secret. :hammer:

    I try not to make my expectations too high. I try to reflect back on the joys and trials of parenting my beautiful Duckie and recommit myself as her mom for another year, good or bad.
  10. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    My daughter asked what I wanted this year and I told her I would love for her to go through my cookbooks and plan out a meal and cook for me. I would rather be at home and relaxed than worried about someone doing something gross to my food in a restaurant. I think I am becoming a germ a phobe :)
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    My mother and I are celebrating together next week by getting pedicures and going to lunch. The step kids aren't inclined to honor me, and it's fine because I'm really not their mother. Manster enjoys making me cards and wrapping gifts that husband buys for him to give me. He will say something like "you're the best mom ever" which will be funny as this week I've lost count of hearing how I'm the worst mom ever. There's no middle ground lol. This Sunday we're going to a Rockies baseball game which was scheduled months ago before we even realized it was MD. This works out well since I won't have to cook :)

    I agree with keeping expectations low but doing something to take control of making it the kind of day *you* will enjoy. It's great if others want to recognize you but don't wait around for it. Make plans for part of the day to celebrate yourself.

  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Since I don't want to cook...and I don't want the entire family stuffed into my little bitty 800 square foot house...and I don't want to fight the crowds at a restaurant on a Sunday...going to my mom's works for me. She doesn't want to cook either, so she's going to the deli counter at the grocery store and getting stuff to eat. Miss KT usually makes something for me, Hubby gets me flowers, the sons tell me Happy Mother's Day, and I'm fine with keeping it simple.
  13. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Heck, I've decided to take my oldest to see Star Trek sometime this weekend. I'll have to pay but at least we'll get to see it. ;)
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    TM, I like the idea of reflecting about the parenting of a child and recommitting to the role we chose. Fortunately, my boys are older and parenting them is a lot different. It's a minefield between treating them as adults yet nurturing them as your child. I may do what you suggest this year just to give me focus.