Letter to a killer

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by babyblue31, Nov 7, 2008.

  1. babyblue31

    babyblue31 New Member

    Tell me who gave you the right to take him from us? Who made you his God!! Did it make you feel like a man, put a gun to his chest, and pull the trigger?? Did he look you in the face? Tell me his last words, where thy of his young son? Did he ask you not to do it?

    Did you think of all the people you would hurt!! Did it ever cross your mind?? Does it haunt you at night!! Do you remember his face at the exact moment you pulled that trigger?? Do you see him everytime you close your eyes? do you gear his voice echo in your mind??

    Can you begain to imagen what his son, mother, brother, and I feel!!!! There's a emptiness that can't never be felled!!! His son will never get to know his father.. You tell me, what do I tell him when he asks where's daddy!!!!! Can you look him in his eyes and tell you took his daddy from him??

    I hope and pray with all of me that you are in a living hell!! I pray that the image of this face is embeded in your memory for all times, and that the sound of his voice rings in your head for the rest of you life!!!

    Some people say an eye for an eye, but I don't wish you death, because I want you to live everyday of your life in a cell, with a picture of his son, So you never forget the and hurt you caused a child!!!!! I want you to HURT, CRY, SUFFER, and wish for DEATH like I do!!!!!!!!!

    Lasted edited by : Nov 7, 2008
  2. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Christina, all that you are feeling is totally normal.

    My gut tells me it is also more than you can shoulder on your own.

    Please, we are not grief (nor any other sorts) of therapists here. We cannot work through the anger for you.

    We're just pixels on a screen.

    Please, please, please...get some face to face help. See a good grief therapist. See a good psychiatrist.

    There is no shame in taking medications to help you through this hardest of times.

    in my opinion, it's the anger that will eat you alive faster than anything else.

    My best to you.

    (Please do not put up your full name on your posts. Anyone can read what is posted here and its very easy to figure out (in a lot of cases) where someone lives
  3. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady


    Widows, especially those widowed by violence, are at extremely high risk of suicide, you sound to me to be suicidal.

    PLEASE go to an ER or at least call a crisis line for your area.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I echo what Going North said. Your feelings are normal feelings. But, nobody can really deal with that much pain without help. Not in a healthy way anyway.

  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I also agree with what the others have said. The feelings are normal, but you're going to need help getting past them and dealing with them so that you AND your memories will survive.

    Holding onto anger can be cruel to you and your loving son. Reliving what you think to be your loves final moments will torture you. After a while, unless your anger and grief are dealt with, it will swell and grow and permeate every part of your life. At that point, the gunman has not only stolen the life of your boyfriend, but has stolen yours and your sons. Please don't allow him this power over your being...if you're not careful, he will invade every part of your existance. Go to a grief group, call your local police dept. and ask them to help you find the local victims support group. Start advocating for change in your community/state.

    Take your anger and USE IT for something productive. If you let it consume you, it will do just that. You and your boy deserve better.

    I'll keep you in my prayers - as well as your little one!

  6. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    i'm so sorry your heart is hurting. you are coming up to the first year date. things can be very difficult now.

    i wish there were magic words I could say that would take away your pain, but sadly there is not.

    please try one of the grief websites if you don't want to see somebody face to face. it can be quite comforting and healing to connect with others that are grieving.

    i remember in one of your other posts, GoingNorth gave you a website. I also told you about webhealing.com Sometimes just reading what other people are going through will help you deal with the pain that now lives in your heart.

    sending hugs.


  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I can't even begin to image going thru such trauma and grief. It has to be horrific for you and the family. I'm glad you were able to release some of your anger and grief here. I hope you are seeing someone....grief therapy, a therapist, psychiatrist, pastor....someone to help you thru.

    Sending many gentle (((((hugs))))) to you and the family
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    babyblue, in case you missed it the first time; the web-based support group I found so helpful was:

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry for the pain and anger you are in. I hope that you get some help for this, to make it easier to bear, to help you live the life your lost loved one would like you to live. I understand it is an anniversary of his death, but sound like you are right on the edge. PLEASE find a support group or counsellor to help you with this.

    Many hugs,

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Dear BB,

    Writing, is therapeutic ~ IF it makes positive changes in your life. If writing what you wrote gets some of your frustration and anger out of your system then it served you well. If you wrote the letter in hopes that someday you could ask this murder to understand your point of view - you are wasting your time and it will only frustrate you further.

    When people in our lives die and leave us it's never easy. Grieving is never a one-size-fits all behavior. Some people are able to go through stages like a snap and get hung up on certain points. I think you are hung up, and need some help.

    But where to go? If you call any local hospital they will have bereavement groups that can help you if you are willing to go. People will and can respect someone who will help themselves. People will be frustrated and tend to alienate you if you continually go over the same problems, receive advice and never take it.

    I know you are a resourceful gal, and I know this is difficult. Personally I know this is difficult, but you need to find a way, a place and deal with it the best you can. Let this be the beginning of your recovery.

    Hope You Find the Peace you're searching for.
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    With all of my strength hugs and peace are being sent your way.

    Who do you turn to now with this grief? Who helps you carry this burden?
  12. babyblue31

    babyblue31 New Member

    I wanted to ley all of you know that I took the advice and contacted hosipcie. And the are mailing me information on support groups in my area.. thank you all
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm coming in late to this but wanted to lend support. That is fantastic that you contacted a group.
    Your letter is a great way to express yourself. I can totally relate to feeling that way--the rage flies off the page. It's often therapeutic for victims to be able to express themselves to the killer's face in court.
    I hope you receive some justice and peace.
  14. Mayapple5

    Mayapple5 New Member

    My prayers are with you. God loves you and please remember that your son needs you, he needs you to be strong for him, to be there for him. Write, write, write! Find a nice journal and write it down, all of it, anything! Find someone you can talk to, and let all this hostility out. You will learn to love again, love yourself, your son and keep your family and friends close, I'm sure they are very concerned about you, let them in, it will help them, too.

    We are all here and will support you in what ever way we can.
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hope the support group gives you the strength, courage, and tools you need to work through this and find peace in your life.