...someone spoke of a kite analogy they'd heard used to describe the process of "letting go" - we must release not only the body of the kite itself, but also let go of the string. It does me no good to let the body of the kite rise away from me, if I've still got the string wrapped in a stranglehold (around my neck) ... ...I must release my (fearful) grasp, and watch the kite sail out of my reach, body, tail, string and all, come what may. I must be willing to lose sight of it completely, trusting that my HP will look after me. I must be willing to stop straining to see it - resolutely turn and walk in the opposite direction, opening my heart to gratitude. I pray for the willingness to relinquish my illusion of control. to let go of that string. Not my words, not words I would have ever thought about - but when I read them I realized I have watched the kite sail beyond my sight but I am still holding on to the string... and with apologies if I am out of line...it seems to be a struggle for so many of us. Especially for me today. difficult child's 20th birthday is this weekend. I have no idea where he is and I struggled with sending him a birthday card. Plus I had 4 inquiries from well meaning family members asking me "what do you want me to do? (about difficult child's birthday-ie ignore, send something,if so - send WHAT?) And I know they inquired as to not be a burden or do the wrong thing - yet it IS a burden. Letting the kite outta site yet still holding on to the string... And my sister in law Is being a royal b!tch and I really don't need this now. Facebook drama once again centering on her deep seated desire to stay in touch publicly with difficult child's enabling girlfriend - despite my PLEAS for her to cool it. And after 3 months of ignoring it (after asking her to stop in October) - I just begged her to cool it again and she turned it on me - posting a status of "I Hate people who snoop on facebook - so not cool" - and she defriended me. Just so she could post thrice weekly compliments to difficult child's 19 yo girlfriend - someone she has met 3 or 4 times and who is 30 years younger than my sister in law. Thanks for the drama and for making it about YOU - my dear brother's wife. And on top of it, I decided to host a dinner party on Saturday night thinking it would be a good distraction. I was wrong. I am a mess. ugh... Wish you guys were coming for dinner instead.