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Letting Go Takes Love
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 696182" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>To me these two quotes above embody the crux of the matter, for them and for us. Does letting them go, in free fall bring them to the point where they use their own wings to fly or do they crash to the ground?</p><p></p><p>And I do not think there is a pat answer. I think it depends. We all know or have known people who lived in the gutter, whose lives were an unremitting fall. My own father was such a person.</p><p></p><p>But there are people who are left alone to their own devices, to sink or swim, and they swim. I am such a person.</p><p></p><p>Except to be honest, nobody gave up on me because I was self-destructing, but because it was time to live my life--and maybe there was a little bit of indifference to whether or not I was ready or able.</p><p></p><p>Our kids here on the forum are all of them different. Some of them are unable to do it alone, and will require the assistance of social or parental supports for the rest of their lives. My own son may well fall into this category. I have been slow to accept this.</p><p></p><p>But it is really hard to know the capacity of somebody. M has said that my son has changed hugely over the last year. But not enough. M also believes he can change more, but not until he wants to.</p><p></p><p>So I guess I adhere to both sides of the coin--that of TL and RN. That I have to be ready to do both. To let him go--and to bring him back.</p><p></p><p>So, I do not think we are in two camps, necessarily. I believe that some of us need to go back and forth between letting them fall, and giving them a place to land, to stabilize themselves and to re-launch.</p><p></p><p>It is messy and difficult, because we go on faith. In ourselves and in them. I do not know another way to do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 696182, member: 18958"] To me these two quotes above embody the crux of the matter, for them and for us. Does letting them go, in free fall bring them to the point where they use their own wings to fly or do they crash to the ground? And I do not think there is a pat answer. I think it depends. We all know or have known people who lived in the gutter, whose lives were an unremitting fall. My own father was such a person. But there are people who are left alone to their own devices, to sink or swim, and they swim. I am such a person. Except to be honest, nobody gave up on me because I was self-destructing, but because it was time to live my life--and maybe there was a little bit of indifference to whether or not I was ready or able. Our kids here on the forum are all of them different. Some of them are unable to do it alone, and will require the assistance of social or parental supports for the rest of their lives. My own son may well fall into this category. I have been slow to accept this. But it is really hard to know the capacity of somebody. M has said that my son has changed hugely over the last year. But not enough. M also believes he can change more, but not until he wants to. So I guess I adhere to both sides of the coin--that of TL and RN. That I have to be ready to do both. To let him go--and to bring him back. So, I do not think we are in two camps, necessarily. I believe that some of us need to go back and forth between letting them fall, and giving them a place to land, to stabilize themselves and to re-launch. It is messy and difficult, because we go on faith. In ourselves and in them. I do not know another way to do this. [/QUOTE]
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