Letting husband "single parent" difficult child

[JJJ]

husband seems incapable of following through with sanctions on Kanga. therapist recommended that husband take over the main discipline for Kanga since she hates me so much and can't seem to take responsibility for her actions that lead her into trouble. Well, that hasn't worked because (a) I'm with Kanga so much more than husband due to his work (b) husband just doesn't seem to be able to do it.

Yesterday was the final straw. Kanga was not suppose to get money for the snack shop at camp this week because she hadn't earned it -- she still owes me $37 for things she has broken. husband drove her to camp and the camp counselor said "but everyone gets snack money" so husband gave her the money. I'm so angry. Once again, Kanga has learned that she doesn't have to follow any rules as husband will give her what she wants anyways.

I told husband that I am done. If he can't follow the rules we have agreed on with the therapist, then he can be her sole parent. I will no longer drive her places, take her anywhere or pay for anything for her. I will no longer waste my time and energy to be completely undercut by him time and again. I have 3 other children that need me.

I will be spending the next two weeks (while Kanga is at camp), fortifying this house with appropriate locks. She will not have access to food she isn't allowed to have, nor movies she isn't suppose to see. He will have to be home and give them to her. (As opposed to her stealing them, me giving a punishment, and husband letting her off the hook.)

I will be looking for a last camp to fill up the remaining week of her summer because I cannot have her here.

Just over 5 years until she is 18...but more until she graduates from high school.

 

[mstang67chic]

While I know there could be some reprecussions from this, I have to say....



<span style='font-size: 20pt'>AMEN SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </span>


I've had similar problems in our house and while they weren't on the same scale and for the length of time yours has been, I know it's just maddening. Not only does it destroy anything you try to do but it just makes you feel completely disrespected.

Good luck and let us know how it goes! :warrior:

 

[Kjs]

Well be sure to keep us posted. I tried that last spring with school not calling me. difficult child is so mean to me it was really no big deal. husband, now that is another story because he doesn't treat him that way.

Didn't work very well for two main reasons. husband cannot get phone calls at work. He can return messages. And I am the one with difficult child the majority of the time. When I discuss with husband what went on between us, he tells me I need to handle it. So, if you can get this to work, let me know your secret.

 

[Sunlight]

I went that route with ant for a good while because his dad seemed to undermine anything I was trying to accomplish.

be sure if you choose to let him parent, really let go. ignore what happens.

 

[JJJ]

I was a complete difficult child all day on Sunday (felt it was my turn!). husband has been treating me with kid gloves since then. Kanga will be home for 18 hours this weekend. We'll be asleep for 9 of them :smile:

I haven't quite figured out how to treat her. I can't ignore her but neither will I "parent" her. I'm concerned that if husband lets her run wild that the other kids will be upset that they aren't getting away with things. I think I might take them out for most of her waking-time here.

I think I'll be saying "talk to your father" and "i'm sorry to hear that" alot.