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Failure to Thrive
Life is so hard
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 716658" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Tregoe, welcome. I'm sorry you are going thru this with your son. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may also want to read Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful organization you can access on line. They have chapters in many cities. They have parent courses, which I've taken....they are excellent in offering options, guidance, support and general help and understanding for what we parents go thru. I would highly recommend you contact them for support for YOU and perhaps your mother as well.</p><p></p><p>It appears that your family has been embroiled in your son's behaviors and choices for a very long time. It is difficult to pull ourselves away from enabling our adult troubled kids, but allowing our lives to be dictated by the choices of our kids is not healthy for us or for them. It takes some work for us to pull ourselves away and most of us require some kind of professional support to do so. If you don't already, I suggest you find a therapist for YOU, for you to learn how to take care of yourself first and how to detach from you son's choices and behaviors and how to set strong boundaries. You can also get involved in 12 step groups, CoDa is a good place to start. </p><p></p><p>There is not much any of us can do once our kids are legal adults. Most of us come to the point of recognition that our helping is not helping but enabling and keeping all of us stuck. To find our way out of that behavior is often riddled with guilt, resentment, anger, sorrow, grief and uncertainty. Hence, professional help to wade through our own issues so that we can let go and accept what is, what we cannot change, fix or control.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is and I'm sorry you are experiencing the struggles and the pain. Keep posting, get yourself support, put your own needs as the priority........and hang in there. It is difficult to change and shift out of enabling our kids but it is doable. I'm glad you're here......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 716658, member: 13542"] Tregoe, welcome. I'm sorry you are going thru this with your son. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may also want to read Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful organization you can access on line. They have chapters in many cities. They have parent courses, which I've taken....they are excellent in offering options, guidance, support and general help and understanding for what we parents go thru. I would highly recommend you contact them for support for YOU and perhaps your mother as well. It appears that your family has been embroiled in your son's behaviors and choices for a very long time. It is difficult to pull ourselves away from enabling our adult troubled kids, but allowing our lives to be dictated by the choices of our kids is not healthy for us or for them. It takes some work for us to pull ourselves away and most of us require some kind of professional support to do so. If you don't already, I suggest you find a therapist for YOU, for you to learn how to take care of yourself first and how to detach from you son's choices and behaviors and how to set strong boundaries. You can also get involved in 12 step groups, CoDa is a good place to start. There is not much any of us can do once our kids are legal adults. Most of us come to the point of recognition that our helping is not helping but enabling and keeping all of us stuck. To find our way out of that behavior is often riddled with guilt, resentment, anger, sorrow, grief and uncertainty. Hence, professional help to wade through our own issues so that we can let go and accept what is, what we cannot change, fix or control. I know how hard this is and I'm sorry you are experiencing the struggles and the pain. Keep posting, get yourself support, put your own needs as the priority........and hang in there. It is difficult to change and shift out of enabling our kids but it is doable. I'm glad you're here...... [/QUOTE]
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