Life on the line

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Woriedmom, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    My 20 yr. old may have his life at stake if he snitches on his co-defendant. Both 20 yr.olds have been incarcerated for assault and robbery charges. My son has threatening messages from this other guy ...should he give it to his Court appointed defense lawyer?
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    WM, I feel your pain and fear so acutely. Remember, we care and are still holding your hand:
  3. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Thank you mwm, I think we can all see how this escalated into a nightmare. I will say there is hope though because it was only when arrested this time that he finally admits to using drugs and wanting help.
  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    My opinion, if these messages are "you help me or you're dead" = Yes. He should tell his lawyer.
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    WM, it's part of the drug life. My daughter had drug dealers threatening her life to o, but she never told us. When she finally moved to another state to stay with her brother in his basement (wasn't the best for her, but getting out of this state was GREAT), one of her ex-boyfriends w ho was a gangster and dangerous found her best friend's e-mail (before texting was popular) and stupidly threatened to kill them both. She took the e-mail to the police and the Wisconsin police got ahold of it and he got into serious trouble. He was already on parole. But this is how dangerous their lifestyle is. My daughter knew it and got tired of it and quit. Once she moved out of state she had no car, no money and her brother is a hard a** an d forced her to walk and find a job, clean the house, cook, and basically not even light up a cigarette.

    In spite of his tough rules and lack of any sympathy, she chose not to run away or to find new drug friends in her new environment and listen to her brother because "drug living is hard. I was tired of it." Chances are your son will come into contact with many who threaten him until he quits. Notice I said UNTIL...nothing wrong with being an optimist. However, I also think he should inform his attorney of the threat, although the guy probably won't ever go through with it. You never know.

    Thinking about my daughter's life, which she did not share with me until after she was done with it, she could have easily gotten hurt or killed or the meth could have done her in. I was convinced she'd end up in jail or dead. I am so grateful she quit at nineteen (she started at twelve) and I hope the same realization hits your son while he is incarcerated. It's a lousy life and you do not have good "friends." They are dangerous criminals. I, like many, feel your son is safer in jail or prison where there is at least supervision and hopefully programs to help him if he wants to change. On the streets, nobody is watching. This could actually turn into a positive. Here's hoping for the best for you and for him and I do hope you can learn to deal with this and calm down before you make yourself sick.

    The other forum has several parents in the place you are at and some who are learning to deal with their situation, but ALL of them are in the same boat as you are. I hope it helps you to be able to share with those who really are all in the same situation. Hugs and hand holding and a lot of empathy.
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Just clicked the link MWM gave you. I think the post on the stages of grief will ring very true for you.
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I do think it's a good site. However, I think it is sad that most of them are in a place where they have resigned themselves to taking care of (financially) their incarcerated adults until death and give up their own lives. It would not be something I'd be willing to do as I have other loved ones who need me, including my dear husband and other children and grands.
    But, of course, giving up your own life for them, even if they won't help themselves, is also an option.

    I think the seven stages of grief is AWESOME. Maybe, eventually, most of those posters do get on with their lives. I hope so. It is sad to me that so many people make excuses for their adult children, such as "he always carries a gun so when it accidentally went off and he killed somebody it wasn't on purpose" rather than thinking about the victim's family of the woman he killed. However, we will all do what we feel comfortable doing and if some people, as we have discussed, want to be 85, taking financial and emotional responsibility for their 65 year old child, that is an option they have made. I personally find it a sad option, but I can only control myself.

    I should make a separate post with those seven stages of grief.

    Hugs to you both.
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    There is another forum related to all things prison. Google Prison Talk online It is a great resource and a place to vent with others who have loved ones behind bars.

    He should share the texts with his attorney.
  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    He shouldn't be receiving texted threats while in jail because cell phones are strictly forbidden in all jails and prisons. But if his co-defendant has made serious threats toward him over this, he needs to tell more than just his attorney ... he needs to inform the jail staff IMMEDIATELY! It then becomes THEIR responsibility to keep the two of them separated and to make sure they have no contact with each other at all. In a prison, this is called filing an "incompatible". Once the paperwork is filed, they are legally obligated to make sure the two of them never come in contact with each other. Usually "incompatibles" will not even be assigned to the same institution.
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I believe the texts were before the crimes were committed, but Donna raises a good point, are the incarcerated together? Because the authorities must be told if the other guy is a threat to him.

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