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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628032" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>We have every right to decide what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable to us. That is where boundaries come in. And then, we can decide what kind of boundary we need to have, how thick the wall, how far the distance, and what a relationship, if any, now looks like with that person. </p><p></p><p>I talked about my own sister on another post, her "....just curious" texts. Even after that, trying to have a more regular conversation---not just a text-a-thon---with my sister, i have called and left messages multiple times this spring. She often does not return the calls at all. That has hurt me more. </p><p></p><p>I would like to have a closer relationship with my sister, but right now, that is not to be. She is careless with me. I am working not to take that personally, as Al-Anon has taught me, and not to act all pissy and cold because of it. Just to remain open as I can. I am trying to be lighter with her---last weekend I texted her pictures of the jetskis we bought. We had a light back and forth. I am leaving it there for now. I know and I believe that my sister is there for me in a larger sense. She has been very supportive of me through these last few years with difficult child, but I think she doesn't know what to do with my detachment from difficult child, she does better with me when the difficult child drama is high, and she also feels that I somehow don't approve that her grown kids are still living at her house. This is true, and I have let her know that, which really is none of my business and a boundary I should not have crossed with her. That is on me. </p><p></p><p>I would like to get better at the tougher conversations. I am not good at saying what I mean without being petulant or hurt or upset when I am feeling very emotional about the situation. Again, on me to do better. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know that an overfocus on other people---not minding my own business---has been very much because I felt stronger and better about myself when I was 'helping" other people. I thought I was good at that. Now I see it more clearly for what it is and was. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ummmmm....yes and no, for me, Cedar. I am feeling uncomfortable reading that, thinking that in many ways, you are talking about me. I wrote on another post how I don't like being around difficult children. Mine or anybody else's. I don't have good feelings about them. Quite frankly, they bug me and I don't respect their behaviors. But I think I am still judging them, not accepting them, for just who they are and looking for something good in them that I can identify and value. Do I have to cut them out of my life because they....bug me? I hope not. Can't I detach with love/care/respect/cordiality from those who don't have the close relationship or power to wound me deeply and just be present, accepting them and hopefully, them accepting me? </p><p></p><p>Just trying to work this out in my mind, here Cedar....Hugs and thanks for your deep insightful writings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628032, member: 17542"] We have every right to decide what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable to us. That is where boundaries come in. And then, we can decide what kind of boundary we need to have, how thick the wall, how far the distance, and what a relationship, if any, now looks like with that person. I talked about my own sister on another post, her "....just curious" texts. Even after that, trying to have a more regular conversation---not just a text-a-thon---with my sister, i have called and left messages multiple times this spring. She often does not return the calls at all. That has hurt me more. I would like to have a closer relationship with my sister, but right now, that is not to be. She is careless with me. I am working not to take that personally, as Al-Anon has taught me, and not to act all pissy and cold because of it. Just to remain open as I can. I am trying to be lighter with her---last weekend I texted her pictures of the jetskis we bought. We had a light back and forth. I am leaving it there for now. I know and I believe that my sister is there for me in a larger sense. She has been very supportive of me through these last few years with difficult child, but I think she doesn't know what to do with my detachment from difficult child, she does better with me when the difficult child drama is high, and she also feels that I somehow don't approve that her grown kids are still living at her house. This is true, and I have let her know that, which really is none of my business and a boundary I should not have crossed with her. That is on me. I would like to get better at the tougher conversations. I am not good at saying what I mean without being petulant or hurt or upset when I am feeling very emotional about the situation. Again, on me to do better. I know that an overfocus on other people---not minding my own business---has been very much because I felt stronger and better about myself when I was 'helping" other people. I thought I was good at that. Now I see it more clearly for what it is and was. Ummmmm....yes and no, for me, Cedar. I am feeling uncomfortable reading that, thinking that in many ways, you are talking about me. I wrote on another post how I don't like being around difficult children. Mine or anybody else's. I don't have good feelings about them. Quite frankly, they bug me and I don't respect their behaviors. But I think I am still judging them, not accepting them, for just who they are and looking for something good in them that I can identify and value. Do I have to cut them out of my life because they....bug me? I hope not. Can't I detach with love/care/respect/cordiality from those who don't have the close relationship or power to wound me deeply and just be present, accepting them and hopefully, them accepting me? Just trying to work this out in my mind, here Cedar....Hugs and thanks for your deep insightful writings. [/QUOTE]
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Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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