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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628122" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is what my husband meant when he said, "Forgive yourself." This idea that I had to help my family of origin (and myself) to see and break through isolating old patterns, through old hatreds and weaknesses and lies dominated every action, determined every response for most of my life.</p><p></p><p>It was a conscious choice.</p><p></p><p>I had been punishing myself for failing to help any of us, MWM. I didn't even know it until husband said, "Forgive yourself."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What an apt description of how it feels to be casually mistreated, COM.</p><p></p><p>"She is careless with me."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And pretending we do, or fastening onto the positive belief instead of acknowledging what is really right in front of us results in loss of respect for self and other.</p><p></p><p>That is what I learned, from my relationship to my son.</p><p></p><p>That knowledge extrapolates to everyone in my life.</p><p></p><p>I am telling, or at least, encouraging myself to see, the true thing for what it is these days.</p><p></p><p>I may still be able to see what the best thing is? But I no longer believe the other guy didn't see it, too.</p><p></p><p>They were just, as you said COM...careless with me.</p><p></p><p>The dirty buggers.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sadly, the situation is the same in my family. Interesting to note: Our granddaughters were here one time when my sister came to visit. Sister was pretending/presenting with hositility/covering with too much noise/too many exclamations of wonder and devotion at the girls, at the girls' beauty, at the girls' everything to the point that none of it meant anything. This is typical behavior for my sister. She began pretending to do karate with the girls. (I was not in the room, but this is what all three of them ~ sister and both granddaughters ~ told me about what happened next.) </p><p></p><p>And the girls took her down.</p><p></p><p>Sister came outside to tell on the girls.</p><p></p><p>All I could do is tell the girls to be more careful with their aunt in future.</p><p></p><p>Being raised by my difficult child daughter has had its downside? But knowing how to deal with a dysfunctional aunt isn't one of them.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Ha! I am laughing to myself over here.</p><p></p><p>Bad Cedar.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is what my children and grandchildren say about both my mother and my sister.</p><p></p><p>And they are right, of course.</p><p></p><p>Fortunately, no one has taken my mother down in pretend karate mode.</p><p></p><p>But everyone does feel the shaming sting of rejection. I am so angry at this, and at my acceptance of the surprise of it.</p><p></p><p>There is that same feral wolf feeling I was posting about on Echo's post, this morning.</p><p></p><p>I really am quite angry.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628122, member: 17461"] This is what my husband meant when he said, "Forgive yourself." This idea that I had to help my family of origin (and myself) to see and break through isolating old patterns, through old hatreds and weaknesses and lies dominated every action, determined every response for most of my life. It was a conscious choice. I had been punishing myself for failing to help any of us, MWM. I didn't even know it until husband said, "Forgive yourself." What an apt description of how it feels to be casually mistreated, COM. "She is careless with me." And pretending we do, or fastening onto the positive belief instead of acknowledging what is really right in front of us results in loss of respect for self and other. That is what I learned, from my relationship to my son. That knowledge extrapolates to everyone in my life. I am telling, or at least, encouraging myself to see, the true thing for what it is these days. I may still be able to see what the best thing is? But I no longer believe the other guy didn't see it, too. They were just, as you said COM...careless with me. The dirty buggers. Sadly, the situation is the same in my family. Interesting to note: Our granddaughters were here one time when my sister came to visit. Sister was pretending/presenting with hositility/covering with too much noise/too many exclamations of wonder and devotion at the girls, at the girls' beauty, at the girls' everything to the point that none of it meant anything. This is typical behavior for my sister. She began pretending to do karate with the girls. (I was not in the room, but this is what all three of them ~ sister and both granddaughters ~ told me about what happened next.) And the girls took her down. Sister came outside to tell on the girls. All I could do is tell the girls to be more careful with their aunt in future. Being raised by my difficult child daughter has had its downside? But knowing how to deal with a dysfunctional aunt isn't one of them. :O) Ha! I am laughing to myself over here. Bad Cedar. That is what my children and grandchildren say about both my mother and my sister. And they are right, of course. Fortunately, no one has taken my mother down in pretend karate mode. But everyone does feel the shaming sting of rejection. I am so angry at this, and at my acceptance of the surprise of it. There is that same feral wolf feeling I was posting about on Echo's post, this morning. I really am quite angry. Ew. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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