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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628127" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think you always saw that you were being a fool where your sister or your mother were concerned, MWM. You chose it. It was the best and only way to see honestly, to respond appropriately, as long as you (or as I) had hope that we could heal ourselves and those we love.</p><p></p><p>But it didn't work.</p><p></p><p>Like me and COM and recovering MWM, you need to forgive yourself, too. You loved and loved them, MWM. If you are anything like me, you acknowledged jealousy, resentment, hatred, even ~ but you consistently tried to dig deep and come up with the positive interpretation, with the positive response.</p><p></p><p>My motto for the longest time, has been: I have been a fool for lesser things.</p><p></p><p>It isn't that we were Pollyannas, MWM. We knew full well what was happening to us, and what our responses were based in. We were not wrong or stupid, MWM. It is just that it didn't work. We are tired, now. We want strong, gentle people in our lives now who love us, people whom we can trust.</p><p></p><p>It isn't so much that I am blazingly angry about these things. I am through accepting them, that is all.</p><p></p><p>I a done trying, finished extending generosity or belief in people determined to duck peck me out of existence.</p><p></p><p>*****</p><p></p><p>I know better, and have always known better, than to trust either my mother or my sister. During those times when I have been so vulnerable over what is happening with my kids...they took their pound of living flesh every time, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Remember my posting about what my mother said, when we told her difficult child daughter had been admitted to her first dual diagnostic?</p><p></p><p>Quick as a wink MWM, she cut me to the core with an intensity of purpose I still find difficult to fathom.</p><p></p><p>"Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you?"</p><p></p><p>That was the most painful, hurtful thing my own mother, who should know, could have said to me, MWM. It echoed my secret thoughts. It determined the course of my life, and it colored my belief in myself as I tried to help my children for the next ten years.</p><p></p><p>It is only within the past few years, MWM ~ after difficult child daughter received her diagnosis...that I was able to pull that particular knife out of my heart.</p><p></p><p>(Cedar spits into the dust and walks away.)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No.</p><p></p><p>It is something different now, MWM.</p><p></p><p>You will come into balance loving your sister still. So will I. That is what we do. Our sisters will come unhappily into balance around something very different.</p><p></p><p>But I think, once we are through the things we need to learn from this part, that we will not be hurt by how our sisters see us, in future.</p><p></p><p>We will no longer be invested in healing or believing healing is possible, for our families of origin.</p><p></p><p>I think we will view them with compassion, but we will no longer be vulnerable to them.</p><p></p><p>Just as has happened with our children, MWM.</p><p></p><p>It is less about the sister or the mother than it is about who we are and have always been, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Unless I am wrong and we are like, really crummy people. I don't see that, here on the site, though.</p><p></p><p>I think we are probably very nice people, very bright indeed people, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628127, member: 17461"] I think you always saw that you were being a fool where your sister or your mother were concerned, MWM. You chose it. It was the best and only way to see honestly, to respond appropriately, as long as you (or as I) had hope that we could heal ourselves and those we love. But it didn't work. Like me and COM and recovering MWM, you need to forgive yourself, too. You loved and loved them, MWM. If you are anything like me, you acknowledged jealousy, resentment, hatred, even ~ but you consistently tried to dig deep and come up with the positive interpretation, with the positive response. My motto for the longest time, has been: I have been a fool for lesser things. It isn't that we were Pollyannas, MWM. We knew full well what was happening to us, and what our responses were based in. We were not wrong or stupid, MWM. It is just that it didn't work. We are tired, now. We want strong, gentle people in our lives now who love us, people whom we can trust. It isn't so much that I am blazingly angry about these things. I am through accepting them, that is all. I a done trying, finished extending generosity or belief in people determined to duck peck me out of existence. ***** I know better, and have always known better, than to trust either my mother or my sister. During those times when I have been so vulnerable over what is happening with my kids...they took their pound of living flesh every time, MWM. Remember my posting about what my mother said, when we told her difficult child daughter had been admitted to her first dual diagnostic? Quick as a wink MWM, she cut me to the core with an intensity of purpose I still find difficult to fathom. "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you?" That was the most painful, hurtful thing my own mother, who should know, could have said to me, MWM. It echoed my secret thoughts. It determined the course of my life, and it colored my belief in myself as I tried to help my children for the next ten years. It is only within the past few years, MWM ~ after difficult child daughter received her diagnosis...that I was able to pull that particular knife out of my heart. (Cedar spits into the dust and walks away.) No. It is something different now, MWM. You will come into balance loving your sister still. So will I. That is what we do. Our sisters will come unhappily into balance around something very different. But I think, once we are through the things we need to learn from this part, that we will not be hurt by how our sisters see us, in future. We will no longer be invested in healing or believing healing is possible, for our families of origin. I think we will view them with compassion, but we will no longer be vulnerable to them. Just as has happened with our children, MWM. It is less about the sister or the mother than it is about who we are and have always been, MWM. Unless I am wrong and we are like, really crummy people. I don't see that, here on the site, though. I think we are probably very nice people, very bright indeed people, MWM. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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