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Family of Origin
Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628215" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Okay, and so I have come full circle with all this. As I sifted through it after posting to you MWM, I realized how little we were given, and how much each of us, you, me, recovering, my sister, my brothers too, have changed the paths for our own children.</p><p></p><p>My sister has changed so much for her kids, and for her granddaughter. Maybe, I cannot blame her too much for not being able to resist that tendency to exclude. She has needed so much for so long a time. Like me, she has had to battle on alone or with what help she could find in a pretty cold world where, just as is the case with us when we seek support for what is happening with our addicted or mentally ill children, no one understands.</p><p></p><p>And in the worst cases, where there are people who use the tragedies of our losses to judge and find us wanting.</p><p></p><p>And all we can do is stand there, is try to be stronger, is try to keep going when we don't even know how we got where we are.</p><p></p><p>But we are doing it.</p><p></p><p>Good for us. </p><p></p><p>**************</p><p></p><p>But my sister has made good, positive changes for her children and her grandchild. As I have, as you have too, MWM. Maybe that is enough to accomplish in this one lifetime. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>You had to do it, MWM. Once we can name the wrongness we feel but cannot define, we have to speak it out loud. That takes courage. It takes trust in the other person's good heart. When we stumble into that old toxicity at the hearts of our families instead...we see it, now. We are responding differently. We did not succeed in changing the toxicity at the heart of things MWM, but we dragged that toxic thing into the open.</p><p></p><p>It's not a secret, anymore.</p><p></p><p>And that is a good, good beginning.</p><p></p><p>You do not have a big mouth, MWM. You have the courage of your convictions. Anything less, once you knew better, would have been a lie. Anything less would have been to collude in the sickness, would have been to celebrate and pass on, the toxicity.</p><p></p><p>Joseph Campbell wrote about something called The Heroes' Journey, MWM. The hero (who is each of us) hunts for and confronts the hoary old dragons of the past and faces them down.</p><p></p><p>You do not have a big mouth, MWM. Nor are you foolish. You are a courageous woman who has battled dragons all her life. Through your own choice, MWM, you elected to undertake The Heroes' Journey.</p><p></p><p>And you won.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>It's just that the Journey has no end point. We want it better, stronger, cleaner, for our families of origin, too. Now that we have seen that better way, we want that for them, to. I want my sister, my mother, my brothers to celebrate all this with me.</p><p></p><p>They aren't there, yet. Your sister isn't there yet.</p><p></p><p>And that has to be okay.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is necessary to have a witness to take it further, to take it deeper, to take it to the place where we can see it for what it was and heal. </p><p></p><p>It is that way for me, anyway.</p><p></p><p>When recovering and I were doing something similar, we found that there were others following, not because it is interesting to see into the lives of people we don't know and will probably never meet, but because participating in someone else's awakening spurs our own awakening, which brings us into freedom, too.</p><p></p><p>So, I am pleased for me and for you and for anyone who would like to post into our discussion. I wish us all strong and healthy and free from the hurts of the past.</p><p></p><p>That we can choose to do that, that we find one another to support ourselves and each other as we rise, as we grow and become strong and vibrantly healthy, is part of the magic we create, here on this site.</p><p></p><p>If you are reading along with us and would like to post in, please do that. This site is safe, and it's anonymous. For any of us who chooses to bring herself (or himself) through those old traumas and questions and hurts and into a new understanding of self, please feel very welcome to do so.</p><p></p><p>MWM, thank you very much for holding strong for me, and for giving me the opportunity to hold strong for you.</p><p></p><p>I think we have done very well together.</p><p></p><p>And because we have, the world is a brighter place, now. Maybe it is just a little corner, but you know how light has that tendency to brighten and burst through.</p><p></p><p>And the next thing you know, the sun has come up, all over the world.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Who knew?</p><p></p><p>:O)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628215, member: 17461"] Okay, and so I have come full circle with all this. As I sifted through it after posting to you MWM, I realized how little we were given, and how much each of us, you, me, recovering, my sister, my brothers too, have changed the paths for our own children. My sister has changed so much for her kids, and for her granddaughter. Maybe, I cannot blame her too much for not being able to resist that tendency to exclude. She has needed so much for so long a time. Like me, she has had to battle on alone or with what help she could find in a pretty cold world where, just as is the case with us when we seek support for what is happening with our addicted or mentally ill children, no one understands. And in the worst cases, where there are people who use the tragedies of our losses to judge and find us wanting. And all we can do is stand there, is try to be stronger, is try to keep going when we don't even know how we got where we are. But we are doing it. Good for us. ************** But my sister has made good, positive changes for her children and her grandchild. As I have, as you have too, MWM. Maybe that is enough to accomplish in this one lifetime. You had to do it, MWM. Once we can name the wrongness we feel but cannot define, we have to speak it out loud. That takes courage. It takes trust in the other person's good heart. When we stumble into that old toxicity at the hearts of our families instead...we see it, now. We are responding differently. We did not succeed in changing the toxicity at the heart of things MWM, but we dragged that toxic thing into the open. It's not a secret, anymore. And that is a good, good beginning. You do not have a big mouth, MWM. You have the courage of your convictions. Anything less, once you knew better, would have been a lie. Anything less would have been to collude in the sickness, would have been to celebrate and pass on, the toxicity. Joseph Campbell wrote about something called The Heroes' Journey, MWM. The hero (who is each of us) hunts for and confronts the hoary old dragons of the past and faces them down. You do not have a big mouth, MWM. Nor are you foolish. You are a courageous woman who has battled dragons all her life. Through your own choice, MWM, you elected to undertake The Heroes' Journey. And you won. :O) It's just that the Journey has no end point. We want it better, stronger, cleaner, for our families of origin, too. Now that we have seen that better way, we want that for them, to. I want my sister, my mother, my brothers to celebrate all this with me. They aren't there, yet. Your sister isn't there yet. And that has to be okay. It is necessary to have a witness to take it further, to take it deeper, to take it to the place where we can see it for what it was and heal. It is that way for me, anyway. When recovering and I were doing something similar, we found that there were others following, not because it is interesting to see into the lives of people we don't know and will probably never meet, but because participating in someone else's awakening spurs our own awakening, which brings us into freedom, too. So, I am pleased for me and for you and for anyone who would like to post into our discussion. I wish us all strong and healthy and free from the hurts of the past. That we can choose to do that, that we find one another to support ourselves and each other as we rise, as we grow and become strong and vibrantly healthy, is part of the magic we create, here on this site. If you are reading along with us and would like to post in, please do that. This site is safe, and it's anonymous. For any of us who chooses to bring herself (or himself) through those old traumas and questions and hurts and into a new understanding of self, please feel very welcome to do so. MWM, thank you very much for holding strong for me, and for giving me the opportunity to hold strong for you. I think we have done very well together. And because we have, the world is a brighter place, now. Maybe it is just a little corner, but you know how light has that tendency to brighten and burst through. And the next thing you know, the sun has come up, all over the world. Cedar Who knew? :O) [/QUOTE]
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Life without Sis is amazingly, surprisingly good! Boundaries rock!
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