Life's twists and turns...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemysons, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my...I'm tired. Been a busy last few weeks.

    After easy child totaled her car we drove to LA and purchased a 96 Camaro...horrible condition. Didn't make it 60 miles out of town before it started having real troubles. Soooo, we turned around and headed back to the car salesman who gratefully gave us all our money back. It was at this point that easy child asked me if I would help her find a car. So I got busy looking and calling and found a 98 Mustang Convertible Automatic...I bought it for her and brought it home. She loves it!

    Meanwhile, Young difficult child is deteriorating. Found out yesterday after daughter in law and the grands spent the night Saturday night, that young difficult child is using Pain medications again. I simply don't know what it will take for him to stop Using either Alcohol or Pain medications. I told daughter in law it is time she go on without young difficult child. She is almost 27 yrs old. Has given the last 6 yrs of her life away waiting for young difficult child to get it together...and yet he still puts Sub Abuse above his family. His son is now almost 6 yrs old...he knows whats going on. Mom and Dad live with thier parents and the grandparents take care of all their needs. There is no stable provision from dad.

    husband and I are tired of the situation and told young difficult child a few weeks ago that we are giving him til July 15th to move out. We are going to stick with this plan...assuming he doesn't have a total meltdown between now and then.

    Oh I forgot to mention, my Gay daughter...has a boyfriend. LOL. I have been waiting for this day for such a long while. He seems nice enough and easy child says he is not like other boys....we shall see. by the way, I am spying on new boyfriend through facebook...we do become really good private eyes don't we?

    On another note...remember the hemmorage (female) bleeding that was going on with me? Well, after 8 yrs of Obgyn neglect, I finally had an exam last Wednesday. There are some concerns so they have done a Sonogram last Friday and taken blood and will do a Biopsy on July 11th. Of course as soon as young difficult child heard that there were concerns he decided I have Cancer! He always jumps to the furthest extreme conclusion. He told me I was his best friend and that he would kill himself if I died. Poor kid. I of course reprimanded him and told him that in my honor he better keep on living and Live Well.

    So that's alittle bit of an update here. I need to get caught up with you all again.
    I have spied and prayed where needed for y'all through my phone just been really busy with car shopping, Dr appointments, and spending time with family.

    Thanks for always being here and caring.
    Love you guys,
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tammy....I hope your medical issues are cleared up quickly. I will say a prayer for you.

    As for easy child, I had a feedling you would say 'boyfriend' one day!

    As for young difficult child......he is on a path to lose so much...what will motivate him? long can he go this route? Hopefully, he will be forced for the 7/15 do something as honorable as his military sign up was. Where is that man?
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Tammy, keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping your medical issues are simple, and easily dealt with.
    Praying that Young difficult child gets his head on straight and finds the motivation he needs.
    So glad to hear easy child is doing well, and hope that her boyfriend is as nice a guy as he seems.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update, Tammy. I'm hoping you, husband and easy child have a chance to be a reconnected threesome for awhile. She really has played second fiddle for too long. Fingers crossed that your health is aok. I always want the best for you and yours. DDD
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi Tammy!

    Car buying is always interesting, in my opinion. Glad you found a god one for easy child.

    As for easy child, she is young. Sexual preferences are far less clear cut and defined as most of us think or are comfortable with. LOTS of things can change tht aspect of who you are. As long as she isn't harming herself or others, it isn't your business.

    Do you truly see your youngest difficult child as an adult? As a husband, father, man? Or is he still your baby? In your last post you wrote about difficult child as though it as a problem but he was your BABY and how it hurt TAMMY for him to go get intoxicated. to use his hands to harm the mother of his children, to use his hands to harm his children. Maybe you need to change your focus from how much it hurts TAMMY for Youngest to be hungry and without tobacco and focus insead on your oldest grandchild's pain when his father shows up drunk, when his father hurts his mother with words, with hands, with more. maybe instead of focusing on your difficult child on his knees in your kitchen begging for $20 you should focus on that little 6yo crying and BEGGING for his daddy not to hurt his mommy, or for his daddy not to hurt him.

    You say he has until July 15 to get out of your home and that you are going to stick with the plan. Assuming he doesn't have a meltdown.

    Sugar, that is the same as no plan. Please try to figure out how to make this different. Your entire family is worth it. Esp that little grandson who has already seen and heard so very much.
  6. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping your medical situation turns out to be ok.
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Busywend, Trinity and Flowergarden...Thank you for the prayer!

    DDD, You are so right...easy child has played second fiddle to her brothers issues for a long time. I am doing my best to concentrate on her and give her the space she needs at the same's a bit of a challenge. She is such an independent thing!

    Sus, Your post took me alittle aback and I have had to really stop and think about some of the things you said and asked.
    I do see my young difficult child as a "Manchild" not quite a man, not quite a child. I feel protective of his feelings to a degree...however, I DO NOT think that I put his feelings above his children's, MY GRANDCHILDEN. I love my grandchildren more than you can possibly imagine. I try to empower them when they are around me...I teach them to do for self. I want them to be okay no matter if they end up with a dad (young difficult child) that can love them for the long haul or not.

    I grew up fatherless. I know the pain involved. I will help them as best I can to carry on regardless of the situation and to not feel sorry for themselves but to be reminded that they are the best thing to have ever come from their mother and father's relationship. They are a blessing to our whole family. I know that I am as dear to them as they are to me. Please please NEVER suggest that I am putting young difficult child before those little angels...It is not true.

    I spoke with my daughter in law at length yesterday about getting counceling for herself as I feel young difficult child has mentally/emtionally had her trapped for a long time now. As I said before, It is time for her to move take the lead before her children, My grandchildren, and let them know that they will be okay with our without young difficult child...that they will survive.

    As I said, Sus, not really sure how to take your post. I hope I am wrong about my perceptions. It has me a bit upset.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Tammy, I am sorry if I upset you. I did NOT mean to. I am not expressing myself well AT ALL lately, largely because I just had every one of my teeth removed last week. I am still on medication and am not saying what I think I am. Of course you are a great mom and love your kids and grandkids with all your heart. I am sorry I upset you. Please forgive me for not being more clear.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I know what Susie is trying to say because I, like you, have 3 kids and while your difficult child isnt your youngest, he is your youngest son. Of course, Cory is my youngest child. That sort of bonds us.

    I think its really hard for some of us to cut those apron strings with our baby boys who really seem to need us so much. Especially when they can be such wonderful sons when they arent being difficult child's. Cory is an absolute joy when he isnt in difficult child mode. People adore him unless they really know him well. Even then they can overlook the bad because he is so charming.

    I also have that connection to Cory because I feel he is so much like me that I almost think I can know what he feels. I have come to realize that isnt always true. We are two different people and often he does things that I wouldnt do. I do think he is learning and has come so far and I think he will grow into a man that I wont have to worry about as much as I do but I do worry.

    we probably shouldnt be this enmeshed with them at this age. I have worked very hard to cut those strings. It has helped that he left home for a long time. I force myself not to call him to ask where he is.
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the apology. I am sorry you are not doing well right now and hope you start feeling better.

    So true, that I do tend to relate to Young difficult child's he and I are similarly made. Yet, family is VERY important to me and young difficult child tends to take it all for granted.
    Because I grew up not knowing my own father until I was around 17 yrs old, and it was just me and mom, I always longed for a big happy family. And as I said before, I know the pain of not having a dad and I "thought" I had always made it clear to both of my son's how very important it was to be a good father someday.

    I did let young difficult child know that July 15th was fast approaching...He said I know mom. Hopefully the transition will move smoothly. I am looking forward to it just being husband, easy child, and me...but easy child tells me she wants her own place after living in LA on her own for the last 3 yrs.

    Thanks for all your reply's and care,