Light bulb moment.......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    kt had a wonderful day yesterday until husband asked her to help him cook dinner. It had been planned all day - daddy/daughter time in the kitchen. kt had been looking forward to it. However, husband knowing kt as she does, didn't make a big deal of it.

    When the time came kt blew! :surprise: One of those very ugly, somewhat typical for 13, & very obnoxious reactions to a simple request for her presence in the kitchen.

    After being held "hostage" for 45 minutes - listening to her ranting/raving & how unfair life it's dad's fault because he asked her in a "rude" tone of voice :slap: I yelled stop! No more!

    Believe I got kt's attention because she stopped & stared at me.

    "Three things Ms. ktbug"

    1. You are under the misguided impression that you & daddy are peers. Daddy is the adult here!

    2. You are talking (screaming) in a loud & rude voice. You can't even hear yourself.

    3. You are being a bully with your words! "

    Okay, this brought on more tears, yelling, drama (just take me out back & shoot me, mom" :rofl:), it's not fair that I was abused (snore :sleeping: heard it before), yada, yada, yada, I don't want to live here - I want a family who loves me.

    Is anyone seeing a pattern here? Typical teen drama, combined with using her past & mental/emotional disorders as an excuse?

    Another 45 minutes of this nonsense & I yelled "stop" again.

    "Ms ktbug", feel free to pick up your cell phone & call mental health CM & let him know that you don't want to live here. Call 911 if you feel you are being abused!

    However, it won't matter where you live....these reactions & problems will follow you until you start taking what you are learning in therapy & in day treatment & making them a part of you! There is a place inside of you just waiting for those newly learned ideas & skills - it's empty right now, just waiting to be filled, wanting to be filled with all these new skills." :thanksgiving2:

    If any of you have heard me speak of late, you would know this was a huge effort for me & took a long time. It was a wonder that kt sat & listened.

    And she heard.....she looked at me & said "really mom?". "Really sweetheart. Waiting - we're all waiting for the real ktbug to make herself known".

    The rest of the evening was uneventful - kt & husband made a very late dinner (big pot of chili for this cold day). Tasted wonderful. husband & kt spent the rest of the evening working on something on her computer; kt also worked on a gift list for the family & asked for help with how she could earn extra allowance money so she do it.

    It may last just a day & I'll take it.

    Gotta love those light bulb moments. Take them as you get them. Record them in a journal someplace, just in case you forget that our difficult children can & do understand. :flower:
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you Linda! You handled it beautifully and I'm glad kt had the light bulb go off (even if just for a day).
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I know it must have cost you a lot of effort, but even if it only lasts a day, it was worth it.

    It's especially important to nip in the bud any attempt to say, "I can't help it, I am working under the disadvantage of my disability/background/past..." because in that direction lies failure and letting the bad stuff from the past triumph over every attempt to rise above it.

    We get a raw deal in life and have two choices - sink or swim. Too many people cry, "Poor me!" and wait for all the bad stuff to go away, making time in their lives as they wait. And what happens? Life passes them by. When it is all over (if it ever is) then they will find they have not marked time, they have LOST time. They have stagnated while everyone else moved on and forgot about them.

    Or you cry, "Poor me!" and wait for someone else to lift the load, crying, "It's not fair, it wasn't meant to be like this, make it all go away."

    But life doesn't work like that. We think we got a raw deal, there are many people in this world far worse off and with no opportunity to cry, "Make it better!" If they don't pick themselves up out of the dust on the side of the road, they will die.

    We may be desperately wanting it all to get fixed, and who knows? Maybe one day that miracle will happen. But if we get on with what we can in our life, instead of sitting waiting, we will have travelled further down the road under our own team, made some progress and learned a great deal, all while we wait.

    I love that line of John Lennon's from "Beautiful Boy" (Double Fantasy album) - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

    kt still has to learn a great deal about life and living. Yes, it is harder for her because of her earlier experiences, but they shouldn't be allowed to define or to limit her. She is bigger than that, more valuable than that. Worth far more. If anything, she can use the bad things in her past as a springboard to better things in the future - better ways of thinking, better ways of coping with danger, better ways of understanding her own capabilities.

    She has already survived more than she should have had to. But she DID survive. This means she is capable of even more and already knows it, which is more than many other kids her age.

    Give her a hug for me, tell her she is wonderful.

  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I really can't say it any better than Marg did. In fact, I don't think I could say what she did half as well.

    Anyway, thanks for reminding me to cherish those "lightbulb" moments no matter how few my difficult children seem to be having lately...

    And, please give kt a hug from me too!!! WFEN
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Linda, you have the patience of a saint. I hope you have a million lightbulb moments with-kt and they are all strung together into one heathly, happy child. Bravo.
  6. April

    April New Member

    Woohoo, Can I borrow your words? I think my difficult child needs to hear the second spcheel that you gave kt! Not that he would listen, but hey it is worth a shot at this point.

    Hurray for lightbulb moments!
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You know what, give her a hug from me too.

    And give yourself one as well.

    Your post just gave me the warm fuzzies.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I love those lightbulb moments, even if they do just last for a day. Because eventually all those days begin to add up, and it really sinks in.

    Hugs to kt for listening, being able to pull it together, and enjoying the rest of the day.

    Hugs to you for handling the situation beautifully.

  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Glad kt to "hear" you. Those moments are wonderful. Thank you for sharing it. The little success's are what get us all through.