Limbo

[pasajes4]

Little, I remeber the paralizing inertia. It was physically painful. I am having a hard time with FOG today. My son has shown up on my doorstep begging for food. He was filthy. He is obviosly not doing anything to change his circumstances. He has lost 2 living situations due to his behavior and lack of motivation. I so wanted to tell him to come home and let me make it better. I didn't. I know I can't. I feel like a horrible person.

 

[Littleboylost]

It could be argued HE acts out worse because we are there watchiing, hovering, suffering. I believe they want us to suffer with them. So it is to share the agony. Angry we cannot take it away.

Make it go away mommy.

You see this illness that afflicts me? I see the logic of separation. But my heart cannot survive it.

I actually do believe on some level that putting myself forth as sacrifice offers some respite. To me. Not him.
Because I always feel I could have done more. Should.

Of course I see logically that my more makes his less. But I cannot get myself on the same page as my brain. My heart is a wild wild thing. It wants to find him and bring him home.

Your words are right where my thoughts are today. I just don't have the energy to continue.

 

[Littleboylost]

I am just going to throw this out there. He is making your life a living hell. I know that you are providing him a place to live until a bed becomes available. Does the bed have to be under your roof? Could you pay for a cheap less desirable place to lay his head. He would be doing the same bs he is doing now, but you would not have to witness it on a daily basis. It would also be harder for him to manipulate you into doing what he wants. It is just a thought.

 

[Littleboylost]

We would have to find housing for him or throw him into a cheep motel again. I think the motel enables him more. It disgusts me, doesn't seem to bother him. His OP counselor is supposed to be working on housing. We have no family supports or options.

 

[Littleboylost]

I am out for a long walk with the dogs taking it one hour st a time.

 

[pasajes4]

Mine refused a boarding house with 3 meals a day. He wanted the money instead.

 

[Littleboylost]

Mine refused a boarding house with 3 meals a day. He wanted the money instead.

exactly they are always working an angle

 

[Albatross]

my more makes his less.

Wow, that rocked my world a bit, Copa. I have to remember that one.

 

[Littleboylost]

I am so grateful to be able to vomit out my damaged soul and not feel judged. I was in a crazed PTSD state when I woke this morning I have been able calm myself and reasonable thoughts now prevail. Nothing has changed but my perception.

A am very grateful to you all.

 

[Littleboylost]

Well it has not been the most pleasant weekend. I am practicing detaching with love. Son stayed out all night. Asked if it was ok. I said no your sick and left school early and have just been in a crisis. I also said the choice is yours what you do with your life is your business.
He came home Saturday early evening and slept until mid day Sunday. Half assed his chores as usual. Had his girlfriend over drama drama dram. So much unhappiness.
He went out to a Friends. I said don't be late he didn't get home until midnight with apologies and promises to be up for school. He is not and for the first time I did not wake him. His problem not mine.
I am suffering from the emotional turmoil both physically and mentally. Using my new found tools to get out of FOG to detach with Love and stay out of his way.
He is here for a brief period. And it is more difficult to detach with love when they are under our roof.
One day at a time.
I have kept his rehab counselor updated on his activity.
He did not bother to adjust his course load as was suggested by me and his rehab. So he has a full course load. He will get kicked out of the program. It is an alternative program. If he doest attend they will give him the boot.

 

[Copabanana]

Today was when you were going to call the worker I remember.

Let us know what comes of it.

Why does the girlfriend get to come to your house adding even more drama to an already impossible situation.? Was that part of the deal?

Take care.

 

[Littleboylost]

Today was when you were going to call the worker I remember.

Let us know what comes of it.

Why does the girlfriend get to come to your house adding even more drama to an already impossible situation.? Was that part of the deal?

Take care.

I let her come to visit with permission. I asked her to leave yesterday because of too much drama.

I have notified his rehab worker of his current state. He is to meet with her tomorrow to finish the last medical evaluation for admission to rehab.

One day at a time. It is what it is.
He is still sleeping and it is after 1 pm.

 

[RN0441]

Hang in there. Rehab is the only thing that will get you off the Crazy Train.

I am on the Crazy Train and mine is a thousand miles away but it does help not to have your home used as a battlefield.

Cyber hugs.

 

[Littleboylost]

And he bounced today's meeting. Tried to blame rehab worker. This is all on him. Losing my mind. He has one last kick at this assessment if he s it up I am done.

 

[pasajes4]

self sabotaging........mine is a pro

 

[Littleboylost]

self sabotaging........mine is a pro

Grrrr I am so fed up!

 

[Sam3]

So sorry for you. Stay strong.

 

[pasajes4]

Little, I know how you feel. I don't know how to not feel that way except to just keep reminding myself that it is his circus, and he has to figure it out for himself.

 

[RN0441]

Virtually impossible to do any of this when they are in your home - it was for me anyway!

We keep thinking WE can make it different. It's so very hard to accept that we cannot.

You have come a long way in a very short time LBL. Your strength and resiliency is amazing.

 

[mof]

LBL,

You know I support you 100%, you know your doing great! It feels awful, but as a Mom your holding it the best you can.

Please take care of you my friend!