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Little white lies...make me petty
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 668198" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Have you discussed this with the kids in just this way?</p><p></p><p>Not so much from the compromise of integrity that is bugging you (and would bug me, too), but in helping them see they are cheapening something sacred (this new beginning) when they wrap it in "That others approve what happens between us is more important than what happens between us."</p><p></p><p>If you haven't already done so, this would be a beneficial conversation to have with the kids now, in the beginning. It goes back to: There is no trust without respect, and there is no love without trust.</p><p></p><p>It goes back to "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you."</p><p></p><p>Really, the question is about who each of them will be, in this new life they are creating together. The underlying precepts of our marriages, and of our family relationships ~ even if the true things are really nasty, we can get through them if we can figure out what really happened. We will never get it right if our thinking is messed up because the lie became the truth that was always a lie no matter how many times someone told us it was true.</p><p></p><p>It's hard enough to figure out what is real. It matters very much that the other guy in our relationships can be trusted at least to tell us the truth as he knows it to be.</p><p></p><p>That's why it would be a valuable conversation to have with the kids. They are going to proceed as they decide to, but at least you will have given them another way to see the harm in condoning deceit in any new beginning.</p><p></p><p>It spirals in ways we cannot foresee.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 668198, member: 17461"] Have you discussed this with the kids in just this way? Not so much from the compromise of integrity that is bugging you (and would bug me, too), but in helping them see they are cheapening something sacred (this new beginning) when they wrap it in "That others approve what happens between us is more important than what happens between us." If you haven't already done so, this would be a beneficial conversation to have with the kids now, in the beginning. It goes back to: There is no trust without respect, and there is no love without trust. It goes back to "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you." Really, the question is about who each of them will be, in this new life they are creating together. The underlying precepts of our marriages, and of our family relationships ~ even if the true things are really nasty, we can get through them if we can figure out what really happened. We will never get it right if our thinking is messed up because the lie became the truth that was always a lie no matter how many times someone told us it was true. It's hard enough to figure out what is real. It matters very much that the other guy in our relationships can be trusted at least to tell us the truth as he knows it to be. That's why it would be a valuable conversation to have with the kids. They are going to proceed as they decide to, but at least you will have given them another way to see the harm in condoning deceit in any new beginning. It spirals in ways we cannot foresee. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Little white lies...make me petty
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