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Livid/Devestated - Nearly falsely arrested!
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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 28130" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>Thank you all for your understanding. This came at a time where my mother is also "sticking it" to another family member, my aunt, her last living sister. They have had no contact for many years due to my mom's behaviours/actions against my aunt. My aunt and I are close and we've both been reeling this past 2 weeks thinking my mother couldn't ever possibly hit any lower bottom then she was at with her latest antics. Long story short, my aunt was married 27 years, 2 great kids, before she learned her husband had cheated since a month after their marriage. The final woman he was with for 12 straight years while with my aunt. My aunt has spent 10 years dealing with his divorce crap, trying to ruin her financially, stalking her (retired cop, a stalker, the police refused to help her, good old boy's society, it's sickening), messing with her medical benefits, dealing with breast cancer (advanced, now in remission thank god) and gamma knife surgery for a brain tumor that just now the effects are kicking in of. She is medically a wreck and this man is hideous. Well turns out my mother signed on as his witness to get an anulment from the church, HIS witness. Papers sent to her from the church show that she will say that my aunt was never a proper wife, therefore his cheating isn't his fault, he deserves his anulment because before he cheated my aunt had already made the marriage a farce in his eyes etc. Even worse, last thing that I ever heard from my mother was her confession that guess who one of his "cheatee's" was during my aunts marriage to him? Yup, good old mom! Proud daughter? I don't think so. That was the last thing I allowed her to say to me and no, she will never be in my life again. I am okay with it, better with it this way. She was never a mother, I haven't lost anything but the toxicity which I never should have put up with for so long. I will NEVER tell my aunt, her pain at my mom's betrayal is horrible right now. Understandably. My aunt was a great wife and mother and was blindsided, he was such a good con she had no idea she wasn't the other half of a happy marriage. :frown: </p><p>So today her and I had a theraputic heart to heart talk and a good cry together, we needed it, to find a way together to realize we will never understand my mom, now my brother either. There is no answer on why some people are just so innately wicked and hateful and cruel. That we have to hang on to the loyalty that DOES exist in our family and not let their toxicity infect us even still, after we have wisely cut them out of our lives. She was right when she told me that my brother is truly his mothers son. Sad to hear such a profound comparison/statement. I don't know how him and I both grew up in the same life and turned out so different. Even our horrible childhood/upbringing doesn't excuse his adult choices and actions. </p><p>Many phone calls from his now ex g/f. She is waivering between anger that gives her strength to change locks, apply to court, obtain lawyer etc, and falling completely apart. Each day it will get a little easier for her and her kids, but I'm sure that doesn't even seem possible for her right at this moment. Financially well truthfully, she will be on social assistance now for a while anyhow and it is peanuts. But my brother controlled all income and she never had any control in her home. He was not responsible and despite her income to be peanuts, she will oddly be better off, although I worry for her because you can't stretch a dollar further than a dollar and it will not be enough to meet their even basic needs. She is refusing to allow me to help her for even a few months while she tries to get her head together and then go find a job. No way she can run out right away looking for a job. She's got alot to do, court, healing, helping her son adjust, etc. I have decided to anonymously ship her preloaded gift cards for walmart and grocery stores, even a hundred bucks a month for each place will go far when you are getting unlivable amounts of income. I will deny if she asks because she would not be able to spend it otherwise. I'm going to tell her when she asks that whoever is doing it must really care and understand so just feel loved when she uses the cards to help get through each pay period and leave it at that. She lives to far away to help her with babysitting for a break. She is alone in that city, no family, friends etc. Her one friend is a good one, but married, job, kids etc. </p><p>*sigh* difficult child talked online tonight with my oldest nephew and he said he's glad his father is back in town and living at my mom's because he deserves nothing more than flocking together with birds of a feather (meaning with my mom :frown: ). </p><p>As for me, well I'm still stinging from this. I am no longer feeling so "suprised" because I guess I always knew how ugly and hateful they can be. I just never pictured this scenario that's for sure. I am so grateful for my aunt, I have only her and a cousin here in town. My cousin has her own problems, thankfully she is nothing like my mom or bro, but she does have issues that prevent us being really close anymore. We are in touch but not really a family feeling that I would love to have. My aunt's son lives in Seattle, her daughter in England, we are in Canada. We both are very lonely for family. I told her we are not alone when we are there for each other, and us each having one caring and loyal and trustworthy family member to turn to in town is better than having a few more who are toxic around us. We are holding on to that. It was nice to be able to assure her she is doing right staying away from them. It was nice to hear that I am nothing like my mom or brother and to hear her say that I am not to feel ashamed of them because I am not a reflection of their actions. I know it, but I still feel the shame. I'm going to have to work on that. Saying the goodbyes and love you's felt good, I needed that from a family member, and she is all I have. </p><p>Thank you all for reading, for understanding. I have to keep remembering I have to be the bigger person here. No Melissa, you cannot post a listing about your brother on that website that features cheating mens profiles :wink: *j/k* </p><p></p><p>Melissa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 28130, member: 50"] Thank you all for your understanding. This came at a time where my mother is also "sticking it" to another family member, my aunt, her last living sister. They have had no contact for many years due to my mom's behaviours/actions against my aunt. My aunt and I are close and we've both been reeling this past 2 weeks thinking my mother couldn't ever possibly hit any lower bottom then she was at with her latest antics. Long story short, my aunt was married 27 years, 2 great kids, before she learned her husband had cheated since a month after their marriage. The final woman he was with for 12 straight years while with my aunt. My aunt has spent 10 years dealing with his divorce crap, trying to ruin her financially, stalking her (retired cop, a stalker, the police refused to help her, good old boy's society, it's sickening), messing with her medical benefits, dealing with breast cancer (advanced, now in remission thank god) and gamma knife surgery for a brain tumor that just now the effects are kicking in of. She is medically a wreck and this man is hideous. Well turns out my mother signed on as his witness to get an anulment from the church, HIS witness. Papers sent to her from the church show that she will say that my aunt was never a proper wife, therefore his cheating isn't his fault, he deserves his anulment because before he cheated my aunt had already made the marriage a farce in his eyes etc. Even worse, last thing that I ever heard from my mother was her confession that guess who one of his "cheatee's" was during my aunts marriage to him? Yup, good old mom! Proud daughter? I don't think so. That was the last thing I allowed her to say to me and no, she will never be in my life again. I am okay with it, better with it this way. She was never a mother, I haven't lost anything but the toxicity which I never should have put up with for so long. I will NEVER tell my aunt, her pain at my mom's betrayal is horrible right now. Understandably. My aunt was a great wife and mother and was blindsided, he was such a good con she had no idea she wasn't the other half of a happy marriage. [img]:frown:[/img] So today her and I had a theraputic heart to heart talk and a good cry together, we needed it, to find a way together to realize we will never understand my mom, now my brother either. There is no answer on why some people are just so innately wicked and hateful and cruel. That we have to hang on to the loyalty that DOES exist in our family and not let their toxicity infect us even still, after we have wisely cut them out of our lives. She was right when she told me that my brother is truly his mothers son. Sad to hear such a profound comparison/statement. I don't know how him and I both grew up in the same life and turned out so different. Even our horrible childhood/upbringing doesn't excuse his adult choices and actions. Many phone calls from his now ex g/f. She is waivering between anger that gives her strength to change locks, apply to court, obtain lawyer etc, and falling completely apart. Each day it will get a little easier for her and her kids, but I'm sure that doesn't even seem possible for her right at this moment. Financially well truthfully, she will be on social assistance now for a while anyhow and it is peanuts. But my brother controlled all income and she never had any control in her home. He was not responsible and despite her income to be peanuts, she will oddly be better off, although I worry for her because you can't stretch a dollar further than a dollar and it will not be enough to meet their even basic needs. She is refusing to allow me to help her for even a few months while she tries to get her head together and then go find a job. No way she can run out right away looking for a job. She's got alot to do, court, healing, helping her son adjust, etc. I have decided to anonymously ship her preloaded gift cards for walmart and grocery stores, even a hundred bucks a month for each place will go far when you are getting unlivable amounts of income. I will deny if she asks because she would not be able to spend it otherwise. I'm going to tell her when she asks that whoever is doing it must really care and understand so just feel loved when she uses the cards to help get through each pay period and leave it at that. She lives to far away to help her with babysitting for a break. She is alone in that city, no family, friends etc. Her one friend is a good one, but married, job, kids etc. *sigh* difficult child talked online tonight with my oldest nephew and he said he's glad his father is back in town and living at my mom's because he deserves nothing more than flocking together with birds of a feather (meaning with my mom [img]:frown:[/img] ). As for me, well I'm still stinging from this. I am no longer feeling so "suprised" because I guess I always knew how ugly and hateful they can be. I just never pictured this scenario that's for sure. I am so grateful for my aunt, I have only her and a cousin here in town. My cousin has her own problems, thankfully she is nothing like my mom or bro, but she does have issues that prevent us being really close anymore. We are in touch but not really a family feeling that I would love to have. My aunt's son lives in Seattle, her daughter in England, we are in Canada. We both are very lonely for family. I told her we are not alone when we are there for each other, and us each having one caring and loyal and trustworthy family member to turn to in town is better than having a few more who are toxic around us. We are holding on to that. It was nice to be able to assure her she is doing right staying away from them. It was nice to hear that I am nothing like my mom or brother and to hear her say that I am not to feel ashamed of them because I am not a reflection of their actions. I know it, but I still feel the shame. I'm going to have to work on that. Saying the goodbyes and love you's felt good, I needed that from a family member, and she is all I have. Thank you all for reading, for understanding. I have to keep remembering I have to be the bigger person here. No Melissa, you cannot post a listing about your brother on that website that features cheating mens profiles [img]:wink:[/img] *j/k* Melissa [/QUOTE]
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