living in seclusion

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 22, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    good morning............ or afternoon :) difficult child didnt' go down last night till 2 so up again late

    i woke up and thought ok what will we do today? same old, same old, difficult child's hoarding in her room has gotten so bad she is now sleeping in easy child's old room. So, we have to go in there today with garbage bags and i'm sure she'll melt down the entire time.

    anyway point is i feel like i live in a cave in the middle of nowhere sometimes! only time our bell rings is for ups. i have neighbors yet their older, so i say a hi they do same etc.

    yet i still have no friends here, difficult child well same no kids emailing or facebooking. i keep telling myself be patient only 4 more months and than you can put her back in school and try to get a job. financially it'll help and also mentally for me.

    do you guys have neighbors, friends that pass by or call? one of the reasons i wanted to move from here was the fact difficult child and i have no friends. than she reconnected with two kids temporarily and we said ok we'll stay. so now i'm focusing on yard, making house look better etc.

    yet at end of day it's the same i wake up each day the phone never rings, except bill collector's and it's me and difficult child all day long. now without the influx of easy child it's really really well the same each day. i try my best to fill it with the library, rent a movie.

    yet i've never lived this way before. where i lived last i hada friends, my phone rang, doorbell rang. life happened. I mean i'm actually looking forward to going to my father in laws for easter and we know him and i dont' get along. lol.

    i guess i could see how i drive husband nuts. first i say let's move we begin to look in another neighborhood, than difficult child makes connections temporarily i say ok let's stay and please order plants. i'm happy with me on the inside. i am. i've done the work and keep doing it. yet this living situation really is getting me down. i require stimulation to some extent. all i have is you guys.

    so my minds' floating back to ok easy child's gone now, difficult child hastn' made any new friends. what would moving accomplish? how do i know i'd make friends in a new neighborhood?? we have the ex thing nipped. by simply blocking her that has alleviated so much arguing, stress harrassment it's amazing.

    gotta address this with therapist. yet i'm just like wow this bites each day. i want to be happy with being home in this situation yet i try so hard each day. i look forward to what library movie i'll watch tha'Tourette's Syndrome it. seems like there should be more???

    i know so many posts by me lately. i guess too because i am locked up here. :)
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think sprucing up the home, in particular the outside, is a great way to feel better about yourself, your home, and to put some space between you and difficult child. Paint an outdoor chair, rake a small sitting area, make a clearing in the garage for your stuff, anything. Start small and then stand back and admire your accomplishment! Indoors, you could begin a little spring cleaning. Tackling difficult child's room need not be tackled today. Tackle a job you've been putting off that YOU will be pleased about, such as cleaning out the fridge or your bedroom closet, slapping a fresh coat of paint on an overly used door, organize your pantry, go through your winter/spring clothes and put a goodwill box together, etc.

    IOW, keep yourself busy in not so ordinary ways will benefit your spirits by not only getting things done but by also taking your mind off things and the pressure you've placed on yourself and difficult child to make new friends.

    You know how people always say that instead of finding a partner who 'completes' you, you need to be okay on your own? Well, same thing when it comes to making new friends. Be okay on your own, love yourself on your own and when the time is right, you'll be at a place where you will bring as much TO a friendship as you need to RECEIVE from a friendship. Does that make sense? Big hugs, Jena! In the meantime, we're here for you.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Jen... I know.

    It seems like, with husband and the kids and the attendant issues... That most of my friends went poof. Except online. Only occasionally do I see my 2 BFFs, and that's partially because they live so far away. The last 3 days I have been home, and this morning I got up and came to work due to boredom!!! I know you don't have that option. But I just cannot take that much time off! OK - Tuesday after I got husband home? BORING. Wednesday? I slept most of the day after surgery, so no problem. Yesterday? OMG. I ran to Walgreens just because I was SO. BORED. I could not justify a full trip to Wal-Mart or Kroger, because I was still not at 100% - and the trip to Walgreens wiped me out. At least at work I can sit mostly.

    I bet your house is cleaner than mine, though...
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member


    your so sweet, yet i'm totally loving me. i'Tourette's Syndrome this neighborhood Jo. remember i told you about it. it's soo not me. no really!!! difficult child won't move. i know once work begins for me on any level i'll get a life. its' keeping it together until than. i miss friends, life etc. i've been seeing my best friend in city once a mos. yet i miss the doorbell ringing phone ringing life happening. ya know?? it's never been like this here for me or difficult child. where we used to live it was. the ppl in my town not to judge yet arewhat they are. also alot of times mom's make freinds from their children's freinds and bieng difficult child doesnt' have any......... well.............. :)

    step ill be you it isnt'!!! LOL. i have goals in place september is my personal mark to hit. husband is saying he wants to go away with me end of july for our anniversary to celebrate the wonderful year we've had LOL NOT!!! its' just i guess typical to feel this way after year her and i have had in total lock down mode like this. i'm used to action, etc.

    step sorry it's been rough for you too!!!
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't think there is any time in your schedule for reaching out now. When you are up to your neck in problems...chances are slim that you were connect with someone with a positive life. Sounds nice but I don't think it's doable.

    on the other hand, you can explore (via your newspapers and internet) volunteer organizations that are compatible with your interests. I'm a big advocate for volunteering. There are groups, even in small towns, that jive with most interests. I think it's important to find a group that is not at all related to children! Start a list as you see articles. Library? United Way? Community "green" clubs or delivering meals to shut ins? Make a list and then pare it down as you get closer to the fall and the chance that you'll have a few free hours. There's a good chance you will meet "like minded" people and eventually form friendships. DDD
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hearts is right. Do things you really enjoy for the sake of doing them, and you'll be surprised what happens.

    Ask your barn if they have group riding lessons. Keep your individual one, but group lessons are often much less expensive and you'll be putting yourself with other people who like it, too.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I hear what you're saying, Jen. I've lived in this house for nearly 16 years, my neighbors are either retired or have little kids. Since I don't work in the same place every day, I don't have work friends to hang out with, and I don't do the "women's" things at church, either. Without Miss KT here, I talk to the dog and the cats, and spend time on FB playing Frontierville and stuff like that.

    I'm working on sorting and cleaning; I want to finish painting the bathroom (a project now entering its 6th year...GRRRRR), I read a lot and write book reviews, and watch TV. Unless I'm working, I run on my own timetable for the most part, and I like it that way.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    But I LOVE what DDD told you - I'm not a social person - I'm a hermit so it works for me.

    How about a garden? Just a small one.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    DDD yes great idea we are at the library all the time. i've hooked difficult child up with all sorts of things there. yesterday she took part in a lego competition. last week she made biscuits for shelter dogs and got community service time and award. so i got her covered lol. my weekends without her are blissful. sorry i love her yet my time alone is crucial. at night i try to get her contained so i can be alone before husband walks in and my second half of night begins.

    this isnt' alone this i'm in difficult child world all day long lol. today i had to deal with-her room. it was hoardville galore!! 3 hours later almost we can see the flr. we took our time worked thru dumping stuff, took breaks so she could work thru it. i talked about living healthy (hold on mom's gotta go smoke cig on porch lol)..... you get the point though.

    i do fill my time. guess i just gotta be patient for my world to begin just as she has to. mary i'm sorry yet sounds like your good with that adn that's what counts.

    for me doing the volunteer work will be hard, because during week i just sit in my room when shes with tutors. our house is too small to be up and about without disturbing them. i sit in my room and i write and write. been working on something for a while now.

    i do the whole thing each day i make time to do something "nice' for me could be as simple as a bubble bath, reading magazine etc. or coming here which i do alot inbetween my the craziness!!!

    thanks guys...... had to cut down therapy to every other week, i'Tourette's Syndrome too expensive 100 a session