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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 651036" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Hi Joyce, </p><p>Welcome to the Board! </p><p></p><p>Does sound perplexing that son's alcohol use/abuse didn't start til he was 20 yrs old...but it sure sounds like it has gotten quickly out of control!</p><p></p><p>I too, am impressed though, that your son is willing to take the antabuse. </p><p>My oldest son, who was once very addicted to Meth and spent time in prison for a crime he committed while using Meth...well he also has struggled with Alcohol since he got out of prison and has used Antabuse to help him. Today, my oldest has a much older wife, 3 beautiful little girls, a home he owns and a business he owns. He is sober and "living the dream" much to my relief! </p><p></p><p>My younger son (26) is addicted to Alcohol and Pain medications. He does not appear, through his words/actions, to "crave" sobriety He has spent time in Army, Prison, many Hospitals (seeking out pain medications). He has a wife, son, and two daughters. His mother in law is basically providing for his family...as he continues to use and abuse. He is currently homeless and in a free shelter/rehab program but he has a job and recently told me he is trying to find a way out of the shelter/rehab program...No idea when he will hit bottom!</p><p></p><p>One thing I have learned...or am at least getting much better at is not Enabling. I was once told by a young man in AA that "Enabling kills". And I think it does because we are only prolonging the consequences... Consequences that many of our addicted children need in order to see where their drug abuse has lead them/left them. If you are beginning to go to Al Anon meetings, you will learn a lot about Enabling and how to stop it. </p><p>It can feel very foreign to stop enabling as it seems to go against our "mommy hearts"...that innate part of us that cares for every want and need of our children. </p><p></p><p>I guess when I look back...I see a ton of enabling that I did. I think I saw myself as an extension of my son's. I was their brains, arms, and legs so many times! Things they should have been doing for themselves...sigh, I did. I truly didn't know any better and thought I was doing what " a good mother does for her children." Now I know better and am allowing my children to "do for self". It is painfully hard for me as I would like so much to be able to fix their problems...but then they won't learn valuable life lessons if/when I do.</p><p></p><p>For me this "Enabling" was the biggest hurdle. So often with our drug addict/Alcoholic children we want to control the outcome... As if they'll let us, lol. With the exception of my middle son, my other two grown adult children want their independence...they want to make it on their own. Sigh...My middle son who is my biggest concern these days, well, he would love it if dear husband and I would take care of him for the rest of his life! I know that's the case because he has as much as told me this. It is so sad for my grandchildren because they deserve a normal functioning family and have not been allowed one because of my son's drug/alcohol abuse. Their little faces have helped me strengthen and straighten up my own act. This is what allows me to not enable and let son experience what it means to be homeless and left to his own choices. He is a very self-centered person ...very much in the grip of addiction and denial of his role. Being angry and somehow blaming others is where he is at...Feeling sorry for himself feeds his drug and alcohol addiction. </p><p></p><p>Anyway...I'm glad you're here. I hope you will learn lots in Al anon as well as the Board and keep posting to let us know how you and your son are doing. </p><p></p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 651036, member: 3305"] Hi Joyce, Welcome to the Board! Does sound perplexing that son's alcohol use/abuse didn't start til he was 20 yrs old...but it sure sounds like it has gotten quickly out of control! I too, am impressed though, that your son is willing to take the antabuse. My oldest son, who was once very addicted to Meth and spent time in prison for a crime he committed while using Meth...well he also has struggled with Alcohol since he got out of prison and has used Antabuse to help him. Today, my oldest has a much older wife, 3 beautiful little girls, a home he owns and a business he owns. He is sober and "living the dream" much to my relief! My younger son (26) is addicted to Alcohol and Pain medications. He does not appear, through his words/actions, to "crave" sobriety He has spent time in Army, Prison, many Hospitals (seeking out pain medications). He has a wife, son, and two daughters. His mother in law is basically providing for his family...as he continues to use and abuse. He is currently homeless and in a free shelter/rehab program but he has a job and recently told me he is trying to find a way out of the shelter/rehab program...No idea when he will hit bottom! One thing I have learned...or am at least getting much better at is not Enabling. I was once told by a young man in AA that "Enabling kills". And I think it does because we are only prolonging the consequences... Consequences that many of our addicted children need in order to see where their drug abuse has lead them/left them. If you are beginning to go to Al Anon meetings, you will learn a lot about Enabling and how to stop it. It can feel very foreign to stop enabling as it seems to go against our "mommy hearts"...that innate part of us that cares for every want and need of our children. I guess when I look back...I see a ton of enabling that I did. I think I saw myself as an extension of my son's. I was their brains, arms, and legs so many times! Things they should have been doing for themselves...sigh, I did. I truly didn't know any better and thought I was doing what " a good mother does for her children." Now I know better and am allowing my children to "do for self". It is painfully hard for me as I would like so much to be able to fix their problems...but then they won't learn valuable life lessons if/when I do. For me this "Enabling" was the biggest hurdle. So often with our drug addict/Alcoholic children we want to control the outcome... As if they'll let us, lol. With the exception of my middle son, my other two grown adult children want their independence...they want to make it on their own. Sigh...My middle son who is my biggest concern these days, well, he would love it if dear husband and I would take care of him for the rest of his life! I know that's the case because he has as much as told me this. It is so sad for my grandchildren because they deserve a normal functioning family and have not been allowed one because of my son's drug/alcohol abuse. Their little faces have helped me strengthen and straighten up my own act. This is what allows me to not enable and let son experience what it means to be homeless and left to his own choices. He is a very self-centered person ...very much in the grip of addiction and denial of his role. Being angry and somehow blaming others is where he is at...Feeling sorry for himself feeds his drug and alcohol addiction. Anyway...I'm glad you're here. I hope you will learn lots in Al anon as well as the Board and keep posting to let us know how you and your son are doing. LMS [/QUOTE]
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