Living with difficult child is Like Living With a Very Large, Angry TODDLER...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    and I am so sick of it!

    If it wasn't so darn stressful, it would almost be funny!

    She has stopped her medications completely, so she is constantly on the verge of a meltdown over nothing.

    Refuses to bathe. Refuses to wash her face, brush her teeth, change her underwear. O she'll plaster on the eyeshadow, though--she wants to look "pretty".

    Can't get along with anybody. Refuses to share. Always has to be first.

    Today we went grocery shopping, and she was upset at the thought that she might (*gasp*--heaven forbid!) end up getting stuck pushing the shopping cart. She behaved as though the darn thing might electrocute her or something...standing there with her arms tightly crossed over her chest lest she even accidently touches the thing with her hand.

    She was upset that her brother ate one of his--yes HIS snacks. (Why does this upset her? Who the heck knows?)

    She was upset that she wasn't allowed to watch cartoons this morning.

    She has ONE lousy chore that must be handled the same way one gets a toddler to pick up their toys. You must stand there next to her and point out everything that needs to be done...and patiently repeat yourself....and again...and again...until the task is complete.

    For pete's sake! She is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!!!!

    At what point can I PLEASE get out of the "terrible twos" ????
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    When you force her to move out, go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), boarding school, or leave your husband and insist he keep her.

    My parents often were NOT joking when they said that they never divorced because neither one wanted us kids. Once I was a parent I saw why.

    What do her psychiatrist and therapist say? Can you get her into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O Yes, I've been having fantasies about ALL these scenarios, lately....

    We are still stuck with funding issues because, so far, no doctor/facility wants the financial responsiblity of referring her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They just keep telling us to "hang in there".
  4. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    For a minute there when I read your thread title I thought MY difficult child moved in with you and I almost planned a party.

    I can soooo relate to the toddler chore style. difficult child is now 16, since he was 10 we have had the exact same conversation about loading the dishwasher properly. I realize he has some memory issues but I'm thinking that over the course of the last 1200 times it was explained to him he may get a feel for it. Nope... difficult child is so lazy about *omg* rinsing a few dishes and loading them that we literally have to stand behind him and watch as every single one gets done and point out mistakes. He is infamous in our house for putting away dishes with chunks still on them and is shocked we think it's gross. Told his psychiatrist that we are anal. She laughed at him after he told her why.

    Every now and again I go on strike and make him cook his own food. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen so think dish duty is fair trade. A couple nights of him being almost too lazy to make a pb&j while I cook something extra special and he makes the kitchen sparkle for some leftovers. lol Then his memory of dishwasher loading protcol kicks into high gear.

    I'd be fine with it if he ever skipped the drama and just got with the program. (yeah right)
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Think we all dream this...
  6. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest

    I can relate, even though my difficult child is only 8 yrs old, he is the size of a fiften year old. A very BIG boy!
    I can not get him to do any chores at all ! Not even feed his own bunny.
    He will throw a full blown meltdown if I try to force him to do anything. Including...... a bath, brushing his rotten teeth, putting on deoderant (that boy sure can stink for his age!), and picking up any of his toys. What a daily struggle!

    Plus, whenever he asks for something (ie: a new video game, a new video system, toys, battle cards, or food) and if I say "No" for whatever reason.....he just explodes!! He is very easy to trigger and he hates the word NO.

    Mine also has extreame hunger (so he thinks) and even after a big meal (10-15 mins later) he is claiming he's hungry again. I have tried and tried to explain that it'sjust a side effect of his medicine that is telling his brain that he is hungry, but in fact... his stomach is actually full. He is very smart, but he refuses to believe it.

    I also have a easy child that is 17 years old and All I can say is...... hang in there. It's not going to get better, as some may say to you.....but hopefully you will gain some strength to keep going.
    Don't give up! They are worth it..... in every unique, odd, and painful way!! :)

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Lots of my son in these notes. And the subject heading, too!
    I have learned never to just give him anything. He's got to do SOMEthing for me before I give him a privlege. It is exhausting, but over time, is shows lasting results.
    Totally ... ex... hau... sting ...
  8. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Visions of my 14 year old son. Today was trash day. I let him have a friend spend the night and it went pretty well(other than making a mess in the kitchen, spilling jelly in the frig and on the counter top, leaving the front door open which let in a herd of flies). There's a first for everything I guess. I've been really trying to stick with Fran's "Do to get" philosophy. Well, he doesn't want to much, let me tell you. So, he doesn't get much. Anyway, today was trash day and I got up early and put out the cans. Son and friend walk to my Moms (lives on same street) to go swimming (I heard the phone convo with my Mom asking permission. I heard her say, "You have to brush your teeth before you come up." LOL Thanks, Mom!). When they come back, I'm in the kitchen cleaning up of course, and I ask Son if he brought in the trash cans. He begin to hissy fit and his friends says that they did bring in the recycling bin; the trash hadn't been picked up yet. Then, friend says, "He told me NOT to bother with them". :mad:

    I asked, after noticing he was rewearing dirty clothes, "Don't you think it's time to throw a load in?" He said, "No!" and looked at me if I were out of my mind. He wore every shirt, even the ones too small, in his drawer.

    Any small chore gets a huge blustering of "you expect me to do everything!" He will throw a fit for 20 minutes over something that will take less than five.

    He stinks and his room stinks. I have to admit I do wash and change his sheets because *I* can't stand it. What's his answer? Spray everything is the strongest cologne he can find while I am nearly incapacitated by the fumes.

    Of course, we have an epic battle of brushing teeth which my Mom tried to help me out with.

    He's rude, nasty, and I can't take him places anymore. At least not by myself. husband and I have to double team with him. Since husband is gone the majority of the time working, we don't go anywhere.

    I thought he was unpleasant before, oh boy nothing prepared me for his puberty. I can barely stand to be around him now.

    Never in a million years, when I had this little baby boy, did I think raising him was going to be living in Hades.

    So, you have my understanding and sympathy.
  9. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member


    My son was exactly the same way to a t. Hated to brush teeth, wore dirty clothes, even underwear. *barf* He was just plain nasty.

    ...then he discovered girls or at least decided he wanted them to like him and everything changed. That was right about at 14 when he finally decided his leggos weren't cool anymore. There may be hope for you yet.

    Trash is a work in progress. ;)
  10. Bean

    Bean Member

    19 in 1 week. Still working on getting out of the terrible twos.
  11. klnsc

    klnsc Guest

    I can relate to all the posts. My son just turned 11 and has daily meltdowns... usually several times each day. I just don't get it... why are these kids like this?? I stopped taking him places this summer be/c once he gets what he wants (I usually make him earn going out or getting something), he throws an hour long tantrum and then I end up kicking myself be/c I thought "this time will be different...." It is exhausting, frustrating and disappointing.
  12. agee

    agee Guest

    Popped in today just to remind myself that I'm not alone.
    Apparently I'm not alone!
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I can relate to everything you said. The part that really stuck out for me was in regards to the non-bathing issue. Seems to be a common trait with these kids. My difficult child will be 21 in October and she STILL doesn't remember to brush her teeth - for DAYS! And she only showers about 2-3 times a week, if that some weeks! She doesn't usually wear makeup, but when she does she painstakingly applies it "just right". She's beautiful and she's lovely in so many ways, I just can't understand why personal hygiene is not important to her, despite my pleas and lectures over the years. I imagine that at some point, something will click in her head and suddenly she will bathe daily and brush her teeth twice daily. She once asked if we would pay for her to have professional teeth whitening - I nearly fell off my chair laughing. I offered, " How about you quit smoking a pack a day and brush those babies with your electric toothbrush twice daily and we'll see how that goes first?" Professional teeth whitening for a 20 year old? Yeah, right! Hee Haw.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I end up kicking myself be/c I thought "this time will be different...." It is exhausting, frustrating and disappointing.

    I know the feeling. :sad-very: