Locked out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pigless in VA, Sep 3, 2017.

  1. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    We traveled back to the old house to pack up a bunch of crap in preparation for moving the rest of the furniture. I had told Ferb not to bring his girlfriend (choke) to our house anymore. You know, the woman who used to be his teacher just 2 1/2 months ago but is now jobless and in a funk about ruining her life.

    We immediately knew she had been there. How, you ask, could you possibly tell? This time she used my make-up. Left it out on the bathroom counter.

    I texted Ferb and had him come over to pack up the rest of his belongings. We explained to him that we were changing the locks on the house, and he is no longer to come there unless we are there with him. I charged him $50 to repair the holes he punched in his wall. He had to pay $373 to repair his sister's computer which he broke. After he left, I discovered that he also broke the windowsill.

    It feels so good to finally have him out. I am sick of the lying, deception, the anger and the messes.

    He left us a sink full of dirty dishes. His room was full of trash. And yes, RN, someone had used my toothbrush again.

    I also got a phone call from a relative who had heard the rumors about his liaison. She was trying so hard to find a kind way to tell me about this awful rumor about Ferb and his teacher. She is very worried about him. Aren't we all?
     
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  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am glad that you are at peace with your decision. It comes to that point at sometime for all of us even if they are doing the right thing. There comes a time when they need to strike oit on their own. It comes earlier for some than others.
     
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  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Good for you. Sometimes enough is just enough. What kind of idiot lets their girlfriend, of any age, use their mother's makeup or ever worse, toothbrush? If she was coming over, why not bring her own stuff? What kind of nasty person is she? Don't answer that, I really don't think I want to know.

    I think charging him for damages was a good thing. A dose of the real world. IF he is adult enough to be messing with that type of relationship and to be insisting he is an adult, then he can deal with the other aspects of the adult world. Like paying for damages when you destroy someone else's property.

    I hope he does well in college. It sounds like it is high time he is out on his own. Hopefully he will meet some females closer in age to himself and maybe make some more appropriate relationships soon.

    Sorry you had to cope with all of this. It has been stressful for you. Do something nice for yourself. I remember how stressed my mother would be each time my brother left home (once a year for over a decade - don't ask) and how each time it would be a long phone call to listen to her unwind and then to talk her into doing something nice for herself. Go do something you enjoy. Unwind, relax, focus on you for a while. You deserve it!
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Using your toothbrush about sums up how gag worthy this relationship is. What a disgusting woman.

    You did all you could for Ferb. Now its on him. Thats okay.
     
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  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    SWOT I was thinking exactly the same thing. I am a wee bit natous just thinking about it.
    Pigless I agree when it's time it is time and if Fern is allowing this behaviour it is plain rude and insulting. He is capable of comprehending that.
     
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  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    What an ordeal you have been through. You have tried so hard with Ferb. I think it was a wise decision to change the locks and tell him he cannot be there unless you are.
    Using your makeup and your toothbrush is just too much! Who does that?? This woman has some very serious issues. Makes me wonder if her parents have ever visited this site.o_O
    I hope you will have some peace of mind now.
     
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  7. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Ferb is so clueless I doubt that he even noticed that my makeup was sitting out. He called me the other day to ask if I would phone in his prescription for a refill. I was driving at the time, so Candy took the call. She told him, "look on the bottle for the phone number." He said, "oh." It's like the Common Sense Fairy totally missed gifting him.

    He is majoring in chemistry, so I don't know how many babes will be in his classes. Yes, I, too am hoping for a girlfriend. Luckily, a few of Ferb's wiser guy friends are attending the same college. They will keep a good eye on him.
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Even if he is majoring in Chemistry, he still needs many of the same prerequisite classes as the other students. That includes the girls. So there is still hope for a girlfriend.

    I don't know if the Common Sense Fairy skips them or if they have heads so thick that it just cannot get through to them when she bestows it upon them. I have pondered this. I think for Wiz the thick head is the proper conclusion. Mostly because if left alone to flounder, he can and does come up with a solution, often far faster than his peers. He just has to be absolutely positively positive that he cannot get you to figure it out and fix it for him. He wastes more energy trying to figure out if he can get someone else to deal with it than he does on actually dealing with it.

    It was really sweet of your relative to try to let you know about the ugly gossip about your son. I am sorry it was not just gossip. I know it must have hurt to have to talk to her about it. (((((hugs)))))
     
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  9. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Yes, poor thing. It was my step-sister Sally who called. She has a step-son the same age as my son. He had heard the awful rumor and was worried about Ferb. The worst part was telling Sally that the rumor was true. She was hoping that it wasn't.

    The good news to come out of that conversation was that she wants to have both young men to her house for dinner. She is in town and can help Ferb if he ever needs an adult. It's good for Ferb to know that people care about him.
     
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  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Yup comes a time when enough is enough. Give them an inch and they will take a mile and more......
    I have come to the conclusion that if we don't show these kids that we have the self respect to draw the line that they will continue to push the limit and then some. You gave Ferb many chances to man up and he took advantage of you. Unacceptable.
    I cannot comprehend this woman being a teacher. Ugh. Your toothbrush and makeup? Geez, how much more sleazy, disrespectful and insulting can one be?
    Glad you feel a weight lifted Pigless. Time for that boy to sprout his wings and figure out which direction he will fly.
    What a blessing for him that there are sensible people who want to help him navigate.
    Many hugs to you dear Pigless.
    Take a deep breath and have a nice hot cup of tea.
    Leafy
     
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  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Wow can't believe she used your toothbrush! I don't remember your mentioning that before. Hopefully she didn't clean the toilet rim with it (wink wink). She should not touch any of your personal things.

    This is a good reminder for me. I always think that if my son weren't the eye of the hurricane with his on and off drug use and behaviors that I'd be as happy as a clam but I never thought about all the other bad things that can go wrong with our adult man or woman offspring!

    Good move to take back YOUR home. No respect/no admittance.
     
  12. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Pigless. I so agree with others, you've done all you can and handled this last episode justly. I'm thankful this gives you peace, it should. For me many times it came down to "yes, he has deficits but he also knows right from wrong". It is disrespectful of our sons as people, to allow them to believe they are not to be held accountable for their actions. Good job holding him accountable in your home. May he "get it".
    Be good to yourself. Prayers.
     
  13. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    How old is the teacher?
     
  14. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Crayola, she is 31.

    I appreciate the support from everyone. It has been such a long road with Ferb. This was not what I envisioned when he was born.
     
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  15. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    None of us did!!!

    So sorry for the drama and heartbreak, and your toothbrush. Go buy some nice make up for yourself, sad you can't send her the bill!

    Hugs....enjoy the peace.
     
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  16. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear this Pigless but think you handled it well. Sorry it took so long to respond. Several have mentioned how odd it was that she used your make up and left it out. Being a guy, I have no idea how common make up sharing might be but her leaving it out was a deliberate dig at you. One concept our son always had trouble with was that it was OUR house, not his. You've just done what you needed to drive this point home not just with Ferb but with her as well.
     
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  17. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    It's NOT! I may have shared a bit with my bff when we were teenagers - but now? No way! I wouldn't even ask to borrow powder or foundation, which is the least "personal" of makeup products. And YES! Leaving it out is nothing but a, "I was here and in your stuff!" done totally intentionally! And using your toothbrush, @pigless in VA? Ewwww! She may as well have tried on your underwear! What a nasty piece of work!

    Pigless you definitely did the right thing making it so he can't be there. Now they have no empty love-nest to meet up in. I hope and pray now that Ferb is out and in college, with women his own age around to check out, and most of all AWAY from Mrs. Robinson, he'll lose interest in her. Hopefully she'll get a nice long vacation in a state-run facility too.
     
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  18. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Lil,

    There's no telling what else she got into. The woman is whack. One would think stealing my son was prize enough. She never did collect her flip flops. I threw them away.