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Loneliness & Dating
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 650889" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Dating is tough when you have a difficult kid. I had two of them, so it seemed like there was rarely a time when someone wasn't acting out or in the hospital (and occasionally, in the hospital at the same time). I had a tendency to do this "full disclosure" thing when I met men -- I'd tell them everything about what was going on with my girls, with a "take it or leave it" attitude. This tended to result in either (1) them running or (2) them wanting to rescue. In hindsight, it wasn't a good idea. It set the tone for the relationship being about my kids, not us. It also meant I pushed my own needs aside even further - because I wasn't just going into dating looking to get my own needs met, I was pushing that aside somewhat to find someone who'd put up with my kids. A fine line, really, because obviously acceptance of troubled kids is important if a relationship is going to succeed, but that doesn't have to be decided up front. By that "full disclosure" thing, I began to slowly build a wall around me .. a wall built with my kids' issues. The "I" of me got lost in all that. </p><p></p><p>In the end, I gave up on trying to date while my kids were still at home. I didn't have the energy to be honest - it was one more thing on my plate that I just couldn't handle. Instead I used my "me" time for social interactions with friends - mostly single friends with no kids. If I had to do it over with what I know now, I'd approach dating completely differently -- I'd give just the basic information about my kids when meeting someone, and make the beginning of the relationship be completely about getting to know each other, as individuals. That way it could be a true joy for me ... an adventure that was all about me and that other person.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 650889, member: 1157"] Dating is tough when you have a difficult kid. I had two of them, so it seemed like there was rarely a time when someone wasn't acting out or in the hospital (and occasionally, in the hospital at the same time). I had a tendency to do this "full disclosure" thing when I met men -- I'd tell them everything about what was going on with my girls, with a "take it or leave it" attitude. This tended to result in either (1) them running or (2) them wanting to rescue. In hindsight, it wasn't a good idea. It set the tone for the relationship being about my kids, not us. It also meant I pushed my own needs aside even further - because I wasn't just going into dating looking to get my own needs met, I was pushing that aside somewhat to find someone who'd put up with my kids. A fine line, really, because obviously acceptance of troubled kids is important if a relationship is going to succeed, but that doesn't have to be decided up front. By that "full disclosure" thing, I began to slowly build a wall around me .. a wall built with my kids' issues. The "I" of me got lost in all that. In the end, I gave up on trying to date while my kids were still at home. I didn't have the energy to be honest - it was one more thing on my plate that I just couldn't handle. Instead I used my "me" time for social interactions with friends - mostly single friends with no kids. If I had to do it over with what I know now, I'd approach dating completely differently -- I'd give just the basic information about my kids when meeting someone, and make the beginning of the relationship be completely about getting to know each other, as individuals. That way it could be a true joy for me ... an adventure that was all about me and that other person. [/QUOTE]
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