Long GFGmom update...poor difficult child!

[DDD]

Do you all remember GFGmom? She's a piece of work!

In case you don't remember (and nobody could remember all our difficult children!)
GFGmom talked difficult child into moving out of our home right before his 18th birthday to come "have a fresh start" living with her and her K age difficult child.
difficult child had lived over eight years total at our home and once he was used to our "boring" life, he really did very well for as AS kid. on the other hand his Mom had always been his lst attachment and she almost always put him on the back burner when any guy was around etc. Also she had collected disability on him for the eight years he lived with us and never told us or anyone that she was collecting monthly money while we struggled to raise her two sons.

Well....he moved to Mom's and they had a "honeymoon" of a couple of months until Mom found a new boyfriend. The new boyfriend is a nice guy and actually wants to marry GFGmom. He has really put time in helping the
little girl difficult child with homework etc. etc. BUT????,,,but, difficult child has not been enrolled at the community college. difficult child has not had a counseling session
in months. difficult child is spending his life in his room and hanging out with his only friend with is the 32 year old son of a neighbor. WHAT??? The guy
is "young for his age" "has four or five children" "has never been married"
"seems to be just fine" "shares an interest in music with difficult child " "enjoys using difficult children computer because he doesn't have one". WHAT??? The guy is also unemployed.

Are you ready for the latest on GFGmom??? OMG !

Yesterday I find out from GFGmom and her boyfriend that "difficult child is going to be moving out as soon as his adult disability comes through" "We have found a nice subsidized housing development in the town 20 miles away where he will be in walking distance of the grocery and drug stores etc" In answer to my question she replied "yes he is scared but he is 19 and an adult and will get used to it...and...boyfriend and I deserve a chance to have a happy life with little difficult child".

She is so blankin' eager to be rid of him that she even said "if you or Grandad want to be in charge of his money..I'm fine with that". Now when she turns her back on money lst..that's news.

He must be petrified and angry and hurt. We can not step up to the plate and offer him a home again and our assistance because we have finally just gotten too darn old. So, starting today, I am back into networking to find supports for the kid in the neighboring town. OMG he is SO vulnerable that he might as well wear a sign that says "I have mental health issues and need friends and help." He'll have $200 a month in food stamps and almost $400 after rent. Since he has lived with GFGmom any and all money he has earned has been spent instantly for "fun". Yikes.

I hope there is a special place for GFGmom in the afterlife. DDD

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry. Esp with the brain issues, he is really vulnerable. I hope that you can get some good services and convince him that he needs them before the vultures find him or are led to him by gfgmom.

She really is deserving of a special place for eternity.

 

[DDD]

Thanks. This is the younger boy who has Aspergers and schitzo-affective and ADHD etc. He is very inept at social interaction and has basically spent the last year+ doing nothing at GFGmom's. It is so sad. Today I started seeking
resources for him. I just hoped that I was past that type of tension. Guess
not! DDD

 

[everywoman]

OMG---I am livid. There is a special place for her. Dante described it very well in The Inferno. I feel sure she will be in the 9th circle with Judas and Brutus! How far will he be from you? I understand that you can't bring him back in. Does your local community college have student housing? Could you get him enrolled for spring semester?

 

[DDD]

No there is no student housing in our area and difficult child really is not likely to be able to handle full time student status anyway. He did graduate from HS with a regular diploma but the last year he lived with GFGmom and his grades went down a full two points.

There are a couple of good things about that choice. He will be within walking distance of the community college satellite location so attending a class or two will be possible. There is a grocery store and a drug store within easy walking distance too.

Yesterday I "think" I found a mental health resource (with transportation for
group sessions) that "might" allow him to get supports and assure that he is
neither isolated nor stuck in an apartment alone. Cross your fingers.

He will be about 30 minutes away from us and we can pick him up and bringing him here for dinner, laundry etc. once a week with-o too much sweat.
husband told me he would do his $$'s so GFGmom can't use him as a bank. Geez
you just never know! Thanks for caring. DDD

 

[Fran]

Sorry DDD, it seems you have spent your whole adult life fixing what gfgmom breaks. Unfortunately, she does it to her own kids.
You are a rock for those boys.
If he is diagnosed as AS he should qualify for services. You might want to go that route to help him. Voc rehab or dept of developmental delays( not sure what they call that in your state)They may be able to help him get in with other social groups like him. Subsidized housing takes years to acquire from what I see but still you wouldn't be the only one looking out for his welfare.
Hugs.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

I don't understand the whole set-up in your country, so I don't feel qualified to comment on the social services side of things. Quite honestly I don't have any words about GFGmom's behavior either. But I do want to say, DDD, that your grandsons are so very lucky to have you and your husband in their world. And if you talk about special places in the afterlife -- well, yours will surely be nearest to the Heavenly throne!

I think it is a very good idea if your husband takes over looking after that child's finances and doesn't let GFGmom anywhere near it anymore, since the difficult child is an adult.

As an "oldie" here too (I am 64), with many children and grandchildren, I must say that I respect and admire the care and attention and time and effort that you put into looking after these grandchildren, acting as parents to them. I don't think I could do that. I tell all my children that I can't and won't look after their children (except of course in an emergency when of course I will be prepared to do so). I use my work as an excuse, since I am self-employed. But the truth is that after bringing up eight children (and my last one is my difficult child, he is 23 years old), I don't feel I have the emotional strength and stamina to put into grandchildren. Yes, in very small doses I like being with them, but not more than that. So I truly mean it when I say that I admire you immensely for what you have done and are doing for your two grandsons.

Love, Esther

 

[DDD]

Thanks. Don't pin any wings on me, Esther. I just do what I have to do......and hope I live long enough to do what I want to do for a couple of years, lol.

difficult child and I signed up for Voc/Rehab two years ago. They have been a HUGE disappointment for me BUT I'm trying to go with the flow. He did have another full neuropsychologist evaluation and a series of tests to verify his needs. According to the experienced counselor "he has been placed near the top of our list for services" BUT really all he has is a file with redefined
goals every six months and a bunch of paperwork.

I'm hopeful that once he is away from GFGmom that I can help him focus
and get Voc/Rehab helping him. With his Mom involved there is never any resolution to any problem. Sad but true. DDD

 

[Star*]

D3,

Since you have this "golden opportunity" to help difficult child son with "her" blessing. Instead of putting her where Zeus put the rest of his traitors (you know -why we have volcanos) Could you and Granddad use this time to set up a trust of sorts for him in which GFGmom could NEVER touch a dime of his money and get him a financial mentor to manage his money in the event that something happens to you and husband, and thinking ahead - GFGmom runs out of boyfriends and funmoney? (sorry but)

You know when you say "She really takes the cake." with this one you could literally say - "and the oven, and the wall outlet covers, and the light fixtures, and anything else she could pry up." I quite believe they switched babies on you in the hospital. I'm pretty sure they switched fiances on ME at the alter TOO.

Hang in there. Oh and as far as that computer your difficult child shares with 32 year old neighbor man with 4 or 5 kids? ewww. That thing would be wiped FOR SURE....before going to college, or anywhere.

 

[DDD]

difficult child made an appointment with Voc/Rehab for "us". The appointment is Wednesday afternoon. Geez what an innocent choice for a young man who lives in a household where TDay means going to other people's houses to eat. LOL

Anyway, I am hoping this lady (who has not appeared to be too swift after twenty years with V/R) will be activated by the change in plans and the obviousness of his needs if he is going to be alone. I'm going to make sure I understand the use of funds for adult disability so that we can make every effort to cut GFGmom off before she is using him again. Frankly I expect she will be calling him to see if he will take his little difficult child sister for sleepovers etc. so she and boyfriend don't have any kids there. I may be wrong but I think that he will get one big check to cover the months inbetween application time and dispersement. A big check will attract his Mom. Trying to stop her is not easy. He loves her and so wants her to love him that he is very vulnerable.

I think you "get" GFGmom. Believe me IF there was a chance that she belonged to someone else I would have DNA tests run pronto! DDD