Long term plan


Active Member
My 19yr old son is currently in treatment in Tx. after a whirlwind of hospital stays (1 suicidal, 1 OD) and 3 very brief treatment center stays since July.

The place he's currently at is one he's been to before, and he always does well there. But it's extremely tight ship, it's not real life. He fails pretty quickly upon discharge. They have recommended he needs long term care. We agree, but can never afford it. They told us about a place in AZ and our insurance will pay some of it. They've already pre-authorized the first 60 days and feel pretty confident about getting an additional 60! So in the next couple of weeks my son will transfer to AZ. It sounds like a fabulous program, even featured on Oprah and Intervention. They have the mental health aspect my son so desperately needs as well as the addiction.

For the first time in a long time, I feel we have a good plan. I have a tingle of hope in my heart. Maybe this is it?


Well-Known Member
Staff member
comatheart, that is truly wonderful news. I hope with all of my heart that this will be exactly what your son needs to heal and start on the road to recovery. I know that this sounds crazy since we have never met but your son holds a special place in my heart.



Well-Known Member

I am so happy for you. How great that your son will participate. So much to be hopeful about. Thank you so much for posting your wonderful news.



Well-Known Member
It sounds like a great program!

How are you doing, CH?
Did I read on another thread that you are divorcing?

Please keep us updated.

Start another thread if you feel like talking about other problems not related to your Difficult Child.



Active Member

It looks as though things are headed that way. A fight over our son in treatment a month ago led to him not wanting to be married anymore. He says I've been a different person for years (stress will do that to people!) Of course everything is my fault, he says I've neglected him and our other children, to focus on our addict son. Which is not completely untrue, but I've made amends with my other children for putting so much focus on their brother, and they understand. The husband is just stuck on that. I also have evidence of an affair which is why he's given up on an 18 yr marriage so easily. My counselor says he's checked out emotionally into a fantasy world (the "other woman" lives hundreds of miles away) because its easier to cope.

It's just surreal. In June I thought I was happily married. Now I'm getting ready to file for divorce.


Just wanting to express my sympathy over your husband's cruel words. My X has accused me of caring less for my difficult child than for our other children. In particular, at one point I found a boarding school for Odin that I thought would be a good fit for his learning style. I visited it with Odin, and he liked it, but X (to whom I was still married) didn't like the idea of sending Odin away, and Odin decided he preferred to stay with the family, so I didn't push it. But recently X used this incident as evidence that I had wanted to "get rid of" difficult child. (Never mind that had Odin in fact gone away to that school he'd probably be in much better shape today. Sigh.) And the bit about everything being your fault? Yep, very familiar. Strange how love can turn into something that so closely resembles hatred. You deserve better.


Active Member
Thank you Rannveig. You are so right. I don't even know who this man is. The feelings of hatred are painful. And it seemed to happen overnight. He just snapped. Yet now he's bringing things up from years ago! I just feel so bad for my 3 children still at home. A divorce is really the last thing they need right now. :-(


Well-Known Member
comahead, I am sooooooooooo sad for you. Honestly, this kind of pressure can either bond people together or tear them apart and apparently your husband has decided to be angry and blame it on you, which is ridiculous. He is disregarding your other children too, not you.

Maybe go to divorce support group. I'm a big fan of support groups. I feel they helped me. I had three kids in my care too when I divorced and I felt very guilty and needed the real life face time support from my peers. Although I was the one who filed, I was at as point in my life when *I* blamed me and thought that if I was a more capable person, the marriage would not have deteriorated the way it did/ Never feel guilty or that your husband's harsh words are true.

Sending prayers and good vibes and keep in touch.We care.


Well-Known Member
Oh comat I'm so sorry. When my husband and I were going through the worst of it I wondered if we would survive..I was afraid I would have so much resentment toward him for not doing anything and letting daughter disrupt our family for so many years. I don't know what I expected him to do but anything would be better than nothing. I am grateful we survived but have seen what this has done to other families.

I know this sounds like no help now but in the end you may find peace with this decision and even find happiness. That is what I hope for you, you are so kind to others you deserve it