Long time, no see

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SuZir, Mar 19, 2017.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I think it has been almost a year I last wrote here. I have checked every now and then, but never felt I had time to write. So some catching up.

    Life has been hectic for me. First we had our respite kids as fosters most of the last summer. Luckily their mom was able to get rid off of the abusive boyfriend and CPS allowed kids back home. That was busy, they were rather challenging especially during those circumstances. Luckily they did calm down a bit after being placed back home and after they started to feel that the boyfriend was safely out of their life. However recently teen drama has been raising it's ugly head with Girlie and she has been with us a bit more than her respite weekend. I predict these few years will be quite a ride with her. Boyo took bit longer to stabilize but is doing al right now.

    We had also some health situations in the extended family that got scary, but that is also okay now. Kept me busy though.

    My work certainly has kept me busy too. I changed careers couple years ago after my PhD and new career is much more hours and travel. It is also much more interesting and rewarding. But makes me a bit of a dull girl at times.

    Joy is doing well. Graduated, got accepted to good Uni for a field that will likely be a very good fit and is having a gap year for his military obligations. We mostly see him at weekends, so we did have a house for just me and husband most of the time last autumn.

    Ache has also been doing quite well till now at least. The rTMS treatment has been working well for him and his mental state has been quite stable a year now. No suicidal gestures, limited self harm, functional and also socially mostly okay. He has also been able to pursue rehabilitative, intensive psychotherapy for his issues and he seems to has much less PTSD symptoms nowadays and what he has, are much less scary. He went back to the team he had a contract and to that town and had a really good first half of the season and early winter, but ended his season with an injury some time ago. Was home for a bit after operation, went back to team's town for the rest of the season and is coming back home soon as the season ended for his team just recently. The injury is serious for his sport career. He will not be able to play till maybe Christmas even if all goes reasonably well. His contract ends to this spring and I doubt anyone will want to sign him even with him doing very well this season before injury. Most likely he could find a team needing a replacement after he is okayed to play, but honestly I'm not sure if he plans to.

    I'm not sure, it may frustration talking, or he may change his mind, or I have read him totally wrong, but I have an inkling he may take this injury as an opportunity to 'honourably discharge' from the sport. He loves it on the field, but everything else is such a struggle. After the injury he has been talking more about upcoming University entrance exams and if he actually would prefer med_school or agricultural school than getting back to field. He also mentioned how if he would not be able to play any more, the insurance would guarantee him five years almost a full pay to pursue his studies for other profession.

    All in all, physically Ache is not in the greatest shape right now, but mentally seems to be quite okay for him. He is also still together with the girlfriend. Mostly a long distance thing, but they seem to have fun when they meet. Not sure how serious the relationship is at this point though.

    Our older doggie is finally getting old and our youngster is finally getting bit over her terrible teen months :victorious:
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2017
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Suzir, what is this? I am unfamiliar with the term.

    While I am sorry about Ache's injury, it seems he is maturing quite a bit. I think his thinking about schooling makes sense. Sports careers do not last forever. I remember in the past you mentioned that he could have a lifelong pension? Did I understand correctly? With the 5 years of pay, would he still qualify for this? Given that the PTSD was related to his work, it seems he should no? Is this something that would be beneficial to him or would it establish him as "disabled" and/or stigmatizing and unable to work at anything?

    So happy for you and for him that he pursued the intensive treatment, your willingness to have him return home seems to be have been a great benefit.

    So great about finishing the PhD and the rewards of your new career. Joy sounds like he has on his way. Reassuring that he is headed in a direction you feel makes sense and is a good fit. How are your father and your husband?

    I did think about you Suzir. Glad you checked in.
     
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    rTMS is repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation. In other words magnetism is used to stimulate small areas of the brains. Bit experimental method, not enough big randomized studies yet, but less side effects than electroshocks and seems to work well for some people with treatment resistant depression. Ache seems to be one of those.

    If he ends up unable to work (or study) he can have a disability pension, either for set time, or for rest of his life. The amount of that pension would be determined by his earlier earnings. It is separate from this insurance pay and this would not affect it. In the way this five years would be kind of temporary disability pension, just paid by insurance his team has for him and if in the end of it, he would still be unable to work, he would be eligible for that lifelong disability pension and it would still date back to his earnings from the last few years to determine the amount. If he ends up to disability pension he will only be able to work some without losing part of the pension and if loosing it totally and then few years later needing it again, it would be determined again by his earnings at that time. In other words, if he ends up in the situation there he would only be able to work part time or in low paying jobs, he would be financially better pursuing the disability pension instead.

    Husband is doing fine. He too took a new job opportunity and is working and travelling more than he did when kids were still home. At times we do not see each other as much as we would hope or are too tired when at home, but mostly we are doing good. Happy to still be married with the guy.

    My dad... Well, he is my dad. And still some kind of guru, healer, unicorn specialists. Makes quite a bit of money with that con, if I have understood correctly. I decided not to think about that after one night turning on my telly and seeing my dad there in some popular talk show (that I used to like) having this pseudo guru/shaman outfit and trying to look and talk all enlightened and unicornish. Yack! He leaves this medicine man character home when meeting me and I pretend I don't even know about it so I guess it is, what it is and always will be.

    And nice to see you too! How have you and M and your son been doing?
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad that you're all doing well! Sounds like Ache is looking ahead and making some plans for his future. Congratulations on finishing your PhD - that's awesome!

    Things are pretty much the same around here. Hubby and I enjoy our empty nest (empty of children but full of animals). I've had some health challenges, nothing serious individually but all taken together it can be. There are good days and bad days, but I'm doing my best to push through.

    Miss KT and her hubby are doing well, living with his folks to save money for a down payment on a house. Fingers crossed.

    Son #1 is doing well; Son #2 and family are also fine. Granddaughters are now 7 and 4 - how did that happen?

    My sweet Buddy terrier is 17, and the pains of old age are really wearing on him. He's much slower, can't leap up the way he used to, and I can tell it frustrates him. We're just doing our best to keep him comfortable and engaged with the world around him as much as we can.

    Wonderful to hear your update!
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update Suzir. Your Dad? What can I say....except you are handling it with grace and love.

    Thank you for the explanation of the treatment.

    So much is hopeful Suzir. It sounds like there is a safety net for your son and he will be OK either way.

    My son was home (or near) for the better part of a year. We had to tell him to leave Saturday. Our one condition: that he show us a pattern of constructive pursuits and lay off the marijuana. He did not. We had given him already too many chances.

    M is fine. Thank you for asking. I am doing better, but my son's leaving is a big setback.

    I am very sad.

    I am glad you are back!!