I've been away- trying to take my bits of normalcy as they come and not dwell on it and overthink things. I've become overwhelmed and have 'backslid' in my quest to repeat over and over "my son is an adult who makes decisions- his choices, his consequences". To recap- my son has a 19 month old son with a girl who is as off the wall as he is - she's just a bit more undercover with it. My boy is 24, and like I told him Saturday- you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. If you always do what you've always done- you'll always get what you've always got. My current issue is - at what point do I, even with this baby involved, throw my hands up? Thankfully, he and the mother are not together anymore (THANK GOODNESS)- and thankfully, so far, she has committed to not punishing ME for his ignorance. I keep the Gbaby 4 nights a week (from the time I get off work around 5:30 until around 7:20ish the following morning- because she works nights)- my son is paying child support and is on a standard visitation order so he USED to have him every other weekend, but she called CPS on him and right now he can only have supervised visits- and I provide that. This past weekend was the first weekend with that arrangement. This month, he needs help with rent. I've helped him the last two months. I'm such a sucker- back to that "maybe if I help this time, he'll get it together". He was so proud of himself when he was able to get his OWN apartment in HIS name (only). I'm not willing to sacrifice my involvement with my grandbaby, and walk away from them all. However, I found myself in TEARS today as I looked at my bills and tried to see how much I could sacrifice this month. I told him via text (because that's the only way to be heard)- that this was IT. No more. That I'm doing all this to my own detriment. I think what honestly bothers me the most is the complete and utter lack of humility and thankfulness. I don't know why I continue to expect him to say "you know mom thank you again for helping, I know I've not been responsible and I'm going to get it together- and if I didn't have you I don't know what I would do" - or something to that effect. He's completely UNAFFECTED when I tell him that this has gotten to a point where I'm at a bottleneck. I can't do this anymore. I've told him- get a second job. You get off everyday around 4 from your job and you can work 5-10 and weekends somewhere to get out of this hole. I feel so stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Like a dumb sucker who gets suckered at every turn. I do all I can for them. Both him and her and their baby. This baby is my HEART y'all. I will do for him in any way I can- because I know he needs a place of peace and love and consistency. If not for him, I'd likely have not reconnected with my son after disconnecting in 2014. This isn't what I planned, this isn't how I raised him- I go from anger to sadness- he's been an adult for SIX YEARS! six! I just don't get this.