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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627105" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>AG, I just read the thread again and one word comes to mind: outrageous. </p><p></p><p>His behavior is outrageous. It's way, way, way over the top. </p><p></p><p>The silver lining in this is that it's clear. It's very clear. You can't be a part of this at all. You know that, and that motivates you to separate, stop enabling, detach and work toward acceptance.</p><p></p><p>The clarity itself is affirming. When our difficult children fly lower with less outrageous behavior it makes us more unsure of what our role is.</p><p></p><p>I remember when my exhusband's alcoholism started progressing---for years he had been flying under the radar with his very high functioning brand of addiction. It was baffling and confusing and hard to figure out what was wrong, but something was badly wrong. </p><p></p><p>Finally, when he ramped up, as all addicts do over time, it became clearer. There was a 911 call by me, a stint in the ER, blood alcohol levels taken, and suddenly it could not be denied any longer. At least for that day, by him.</p><p></p><p>Clarity, while very painful, can be liberating. </p><p></p><p>My son also flew under the radar for a long time, until he ramped up.</p><p></p><p>The problem with that is it is crazy-making for us. Maybe they are just immature, lazy, misguided, lacking direction, blah blah blah. All kinds of excuses I made for the both of them for so so long.</p><p></p><p>I didn't know. How could I know?</p><p></p><p>Knowing is painful but it is liberating. </p><p></p><p>AG, your son is still your son and he always will be. But addicts are primarily interested one thing and it's #1: getting more of their substance. That is king. </p><p></p><p>Let that be a clear warning to all of us---until that changes, little else will change.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and prayers for you today. Hang in there. You are going to be okay---you are so much more okay even with your ankle. Keep moving forward. There is hope and joy and peace ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627105, member: 17542"] AG, I just read the thread again and one word comes to mind: outrageous. His behavior is outrageous. It's way, way, way over the top. The silver lining in this is that it's clear. It's very clear. You can't be a part of this at all. You know that, and that motivates you to separate, stop enabling, detach and work toward acceptance. The clarity itself is affirming. When our difficult children fly lower with less outrageous behavior it makes us more unsure of what our role is. I remember when my exhusband's alcoholism started progressing---for years he had been flying under the radar with his very high functioning brand of addiction. It was baffling and confusing and hard to figure out what was wrong, but something was badly wrong. Finally, when he ramped up, as all addicts do over time, it became clearer. There was a 911 call by me, a stint in the ER, blood alcohol levels taken, and suddenly it could not be denied any longer. At least for that day, by him. Clarity, while very painful, can be liberating. My son also flew under the radar for a long time, until he ramped up. The problem with that is it is crazy-making for us. Maybe they are just immature, lazy, misguided, lacking direction, blah blah blah. All kinds of excuses I made for the both of them for so so long. I didn't know. How could I know? Knowing is painful but it is liberating. AG, your son is still your son and he always will be. But addicts are primarily interested one thing and it's #1: getting more of their substance. That is king. Let that be a clear warning to all of us---until that changes, little else will change. Hugs and prayers for you today. Hang in there. You are going to be okay---you are so much more okay even with your ankle. Keep moving forward. There is hope and joy and peace ahead. [/QUOTE]
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