Looking for a group for a friend

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I have a good friend who is getting divorced after 38 years of marriage. She is having a really hard time, especially with sleeping at night. Her kids are being terrible to her. They call and text and e-mail her all day long, and it's never nice. Her daughter came and dropped off X-mas gifts that weren't even wrapped and took all of her childhood stuff and the booze! (For her dad...) She cries all of the time. Not to mention that her husband has leased a house a block and a half and up the hill from her house and is watching her all of the time. They have a business together so they have to talk to each other all of the time too.

    She sooo needs to figure out how to set limits with all of them. And she needs someone to talk to in the middle of the night when she's awake and worried.

    Does anyone know of a support group that she could join that will help her find her own voice?
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    First of all.....are you sure her ex isn't a stalker???? The house down the street so he can watch her thing makes me more than a bit nervous.

    As for the others...is she looking for in real life groups or something like us? For in real life, she can check with an area mental health provider or community center. They should be able to tell her what groups are in the area and when/where they meet. For online....I would try googling Divorce Support Groups and see what she gets. She can also try specifically in Yahoo as they have a lot of type specific groups.
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    I would also hope she has the resources for counseling. Also, alanon is a great group and with the comment about the kid taking booze for the dad tells me she more than qualifies.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    We have sort of a community newspaper- the kind that is free and in a bin near the entry to a store or restaurant. It lists all support group meetings in the area. I'd try looking in one of those if you have something like that.

    I agree though that the H is on the verge, at least, of harassment and stalking.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    She's been seeing her marriage therapist and a personal therapist for the past two years. They all keep telling her to take the high road. The high road's all and well, except that part that you keep getting sideswiped by the semi's.

    I don't know that he took that particular booze because he was going to drink it, but because he just didn't want her to have it. He's taken most everything out of their 4500 sf house and given it to the kids. He took her ski pass out of her car so she can't ski, which he didn't like her to do. He has been stalking her for a long time. We're going next week to look for a condo for her to lease/buy in one of the downtown high rises with locked entree and a 24/7 concierge.

    I think she needs a group like us to help her build a spine where her kids go. They're AWFUL! It's like that letter L sent to me about Christmas but every day for 5 months now! She doesn't understand (yet) how to detach, and tell them how that her marriage is not their business. On the other hand, she's going to have a lot of money coming into this and she doesn't need to hook up with a bunch of loser men hanging out at divorce support groups looking like an easy mark. And she's so tired of therapy, she'd never look for a support group for herself. Maybe I'll do some googling for her when I get a chance...
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is she at all religious? Not mega religious but at all. I think there is a support group run through a church called Divorce Anonymous or something similar. Its just something I saw, read or heard about in passing somewhere and I couldnt tell you where for the life of me...lol
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I'd suggest googling 'divorce support' to start with. If she is looking for in real life support, then add on the state or county or city name.

    I am sure that with the vast number of groups out there for all sorts of relationship issues ranging from parents of gay children to widow/ers, that there are plenty of groups for divorcees.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I thought there was a group like that, Janet. But I was thinking that maybe it was similar to AA in the respect that just because they had meetings after hours in a church didn't mean it was a religious group or affiliated with that church. I don't know that for sure though- I just know for other "Anonymous" groups, they are only at the church because they need space and many churches are nice enough to let them use it.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe that is it K...maybe it was just at the church...lol. I dont know...cant even remember where it was I heard about it but for some reason I seem to think it was a catholic church but maybe not...maybe it was baptist...heavens knows my mind is blank so often. Maybe it was called Divorce Aftercare. Gosh...dont count on me to get the name right. LOL.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hm...adult children treating her badly.

    A stalker for an ex.

    Needing to learn to detach?

    I think many of us can relate.

    I know we're not divorce support group, but we've got plenty of kids who treat their parents like doo-doo...and some insomniacs.
  11. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    Witz, I know it would be one in a million if your friend were in my area, but there is an EXCELLENT divorce support group about 30 minutes from where I live, and I was a member throughout my very nasty divorce. It was invaluable. The facilitator has taken this on as his personal mission, and he's been doing it about 20 years. Is your friend in my area of the U.S.? If so, I'll PM you my location.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    No, I'm afraid that she is not in your area. There is so much here that she could learn from this group. And so much that is similar to what she has been through. But, I know that she wouldn't think we are the right group for her. And, I think that our group is really special because for the most part we tend to be fairly pragmatic. The advice seems to be so obvious once you hear it, and there's very little you can say to through us off of our balance. We have definitely been there done that.

    I'm going to start looking, because I want to recommend something for her. I'm also going to set a date for next week to look at condos. I'm hoping she can actually move on a little bit and control her safety, if not her sanity.