dashcat
Member
Argh. difficult child is spending the weekend with me. I was her choice to begin spending every other weekend here after she moved in with-her dad (following a two week adventure in a hotel with a guy she met on the internet).
She has a new boyfriend .. really nice guy. They are head over heels lovey dovey (I hate pdas!) and they've been together a grand total of two weeks.
DEX is going away for a week starting Weds and asked if she could stay here. He doesn't want her playing house at his place with B. I said yes and she is about as thrilled as you can imagine. She had PLANS. The thing is,, there's a real double standard with X. He's gone all day and probably five nights per week. She is allowed to have B over and, once when he came home, they were in the bedroom. I would have pitched a fit, but he's not me.
Three hours ago, she left with B to "go for a walk" on a local trail. She certainly wasn't dressed for walking (it's about 25 degrees here) and it takes - maybe 1.5 hours to walk the trail round trip.
DEX is at a football game and she knows this. I am pretty darned sure they are at his place.
And I'm pretty darned sure this will be what happens next week when he's gone.
I'm not sure what to do. I've set very firm boundaries about my home. He is not to be upstairs in her bedroom. He is never to be here when I'm not home. I know she repects the first rule, but I can't know for sure if he's here when I'm not. I'm pretty sure he isn't.
SO. I will give her a chance to explain when she comes home, but she lies about pretty much everything.
I can't set boudaries for HIS house and, even though he's a nice guy, he is a conflict-avoider extrodinarre. I doubt that he'll say anything.
Do I pretend to believe her? Is it worth confronting her?
Yes, she is nineteen. But she still lives with daddy. She pays rent (minimal) and works as few hours as she can to meet expenses. I don't want to tell her she can'r come on the weekends, because -usually - we truly enjoy one another's company.
With difficult child, I make every effort to simply "love what is". Where I run into problems with that is with the lying. Yet I feel like I'm bashing my head against the wall trying to deal with it. I know I can't stop it, but I don't know how to handle situations like this one.
Sigh. Help...
She has a new boyfriend .. really nice guy. They are head over heels lovey dovey (I hate pdas!) and they've been together a grand total of two weeks.
DEX is going away for a week starting Weds and asked if she could stay here. He doesn't want her playing house at his place with B. I said yes and she is about as thrilled as you can imagine. She had PLANS. The thing is,, there's a real double standard with X. He's gone all day and probably five nights per week. She is allowed to have B over and, once when he came home, they were in the bedroom. I would have pitched a fit, but he's not me.
Three hours ago, she left with B to "go for a walk" on a local trail. She certainly wasn't dressed for walking (it's about 25 degrees here) and it takes - maybe 1.5 hours to walk the trail round trip.
DEX is at a football game and she knows this. I am pretty darned sure they are at his place.
And I'm pretty darned sure this will be what happens next week when he's gone.
I'm not sure what to do. I've set very firm boundaries about my home. He is not to be upstairs in her bedroom. He is never to be here when I'm not home. I know she repects the first rule, but I can't know for sure if he's here when I'm not. I'm pretty sure he isn't.
SO. I will give her a chance to explain when she comes home, but she lies about pretty much everything.
I can't set boudaries for HIS house and, even though he's a nice guy, he is a conflict-avoider extrodinarre. I doubt that he'll say anything.
Do I pretend to believe her? Is it worth confronting her?
Yes, she is nineteen. But she still lives with daddy. She pays rent (minimal) and works as few hours as she can to meet expenses. I don't want to tell her she can'r come on the weekends, because -usually - we truly enjoy one another's company.
With difficult child, I make every effort to simply "love what is". Where I run into problems with that is with the lying. Yet I feel like I'm bashing my head against the wall trying to deal with it. I know I can't stop it, but I don't know how to handle situations like this one.
Sigh. Help...