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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 710854" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Your story sounds very similar to my family's. Feel free to read my posts if you want to hear what we've been through, and are still going through.</p><p></p><p>With all due respect and gentleness, it does sound like you are enabling your son to continue along his current path. People don't make uncomfortable changes in their lives, generally speaking, unless they are forced to do so. I understand your fear and guilt, and your deep love for your child. You want to protect him, but at a certain point, he has to choose to protect himself. You cannot protect him forever; he will have to function in society. If he isn't learning how to do that while still under your roof, he will be thrown out into the cold and forced to do so eventually; for whatever variety of reasons ranging from incapacity/illness, job loss, or your own passing years from now, you won't be around to take care of him forever.</p><p></p><p>From what you describe it sounds like your son would allow things to continue as they are indefinitely. He needs help, but treating him like a little boy is not likely to be the help he needs. He needs to experience small daily victories to build his confidence for life's larger challenges. He needs to learn that he can handle life - the basics, like maintaining some sort of employment and contributing to a household. And hopefully, friendships and a relationship one day. If he is kept in a cocoon, he will never take those baby steps that lead to larger strides in time. I know you don't want your son to languish in an eternal adolescence, but that is what your financial enabling is doing to him.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like this situation is taking a toll on you, personally, as well as your marriage. This has been true for me too. What worked for me was attending some self-help groups (Al-Anon, and Codependents Anonymous, worked very well to help me detach with love) and also individual therapy. </p><p></p><p>I hope things improve. Keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 710854, member: 13303"] Your story sounds very similar to my family's. Feel free to read my posts if you want to hear what we've been through, and are still going through. With all due respect and gentleness, it does sound like you are enabling your son to continue along his current path. People don't make uncomfortable changes in their lives, generally speaking, unless they are forced to do so. I understand your fear and guilt, and your deep love for your child. You want to protect him, but at a certain point, he has to choose to protect himself. You cannot protect him forever; he will have to function in society. If he isn't learning how to do that while still under your roof, he will be thrown out into the cold and forced to do so eventually; for whatever variety of reasons ranging from incapacity/illness, job loss, or your own passing years from now, you won't be around to take care of him forever. From what you describe it sounds like your son would allow things to continue as they are indefinitely. He needs help, but treating him like a little boy is not likely to be the help he needs. He needs to experience small daily victories to build his confidence for life's larger challenges. He needs to learn that he can handle life - the basics, like maintaining some sort of employment and contributing to a household. And hopefully, friendships and a relationship one day. If he is kept in a cocoon, he will never take those baby steps that lead to larger strides in time. I know you don't want your son to languish in an eternal adolescence, but that is what your financial enabling is doing to him. It sounds like this situation is taking a toll on you, personally, as well as your marriage. This has been true for me too. What worked for me was attending some self-help groups (Al-Anon, and Codependents Anonymous, worked very well to help me detach with love) and also individual therapy. I hope things improve. Keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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